Only in the Bay Area ...

Longest shortest weekend. Ever. This is where I live now. Seacliff SF. I'm stoked. Hey, also, you can call for aerial photography. Number's on the photo. I paid very little for this shot. It was actually free...

Today's Intern: Blam Sam

Modesto X Fest... Menace went. The band Pepper was there. Mixed feelings about Pepper. Just a weak version of Sublime? Get them off the air. Stop this crap! etc etc. Boo, Hawaii.

Ravey's weekend in a nutshell:

• Coldplay - Ravey and Menace went. Apparently there was a hidden second stage where the band could run off the main stage and go to this hidden back stage to play. Interesting.
• Ravey kicked Tony's butt in Guitar Hero, she crushed the Aerosmith song she chose to play.
• Homeless Jose has returned to the city. He showed up after Coldplay! Much to her chagrin.
• Ravey also explains the whilst she was in the potty making doo, she tuned into Alice and caught Sarah giving the Woody Show a shout out and a thank you for our support and mentioning NoName's departure from the show.

Woody mentions that when the show talks highly of themselves, it's sarcasm. We are fully aware that this show is aweful. (I think it's hilarious, but I think I hear the sarcasm so I get it.) It's just funny that we have little to worry about in terms of the competition out there.

Email! Stop the Fighting!
>Re: News article - worst driver based on what kind of car you drive. Woody's stepdad drives a Subaru Outback. For some ridiculous reason, this has spun conversation out of control. How has this justified Kyle to stop listening to the show after 2 years? Just because Woody questions Outbacks as sports cars?

Mighty Joe - questioning Ravey's review of Batman. If it was too long ... compared to Harry Potter, it was comprable in time. Also, she's not a fan of the comic book genre. So, calm down. She didn't say it sucked, it was just bleak. Dark. Dark Knight was dark, people.



News & Sports:
>Another city banning baggy pants: Lynnwood, Illinois. Banning pants 3" or more and charging dudes $20. Apparently this looks keeps economic retailers away. Supposedly, baggy pants started in prison, as inmates are not allowed to have belts, lest they hang themselves. Then the look made it to the street, so it caught on. (I looked for a photo of baggy pants. My mom hates it, I think it's mildly sexy, just depends on the butt it's on, I guess. No sexy photos on Google.)
>BART will be sleek and futuristic. In about 5 years. New train cars have 3 sets of doors per car, instead of 2.
>Texas inmate pulls off a shawshank redemption! Slims down to fit inside a foot wide air conditioning duct.
>Rapper "Buying the Locksmith" went to prison for robbing a McDonalds. And his jingle could be used for McDonalds and bring in lots of money for this excon. Noice.
>A man should be an inmate.
>Washing Post / ABC poll - the majority support openly gay people to be allowed to serve in the US Military.
> Ohio - A man chased a 9 year old boy down the street because the boy refused to urinate in a cup. He wanted to drink the urine? He's spend some time in prison as a sexual predator. He has a long history of this fetish to collect young boys' urine. Was caught exposing himself while driving, masturbating in a public restroom with the door open, and putting up a sign that the urinals in a restroom were out of order in order to collect urine. Ridiculous.
>Running across the stage dressed as a penis. Spraying silly string out of his costume. He graduated Saratoga Springs HS last year.

>Giants nor A's won in the second half this season over the weekend.
>Durham suited up with the Giants and then left for good.
>Padraig Harrigton - UK Golf news. He's to the right. How very. Tiger wouldn't do this?
>Bill Parcells - Dolphin's VP of operations - kicked his Dancing with the Stars teammember, Jason Taylor, for not practicing pre-season with the rest of the team. He's with the RedSkins now.

This week on the Woody Show:
John C Riley and Will Farrell callin' in on Thursday.
We have a Dell PC desktop care of Mountain Dew to give away this week.
Tickets to Sarah Silverman all week. Nob Hill Masonic Auditorium 9/7.
Tickets to the Treasure Island Mustic Fest...

DumbAss Contest (winner)
Name the Phobia
Winner won (Careful not to get envelope served!): Tickets to Treasure Island Music Fest

Speaking of Phobias:

• Mottephobia/Lepidopterophobia - Nicole Kidman (I hate her!) has a fear of butterflies. So does Greg. I LOVE BUTTERFLIES. It's what Vanessa means.
• Coulrophobia - Johnny Depp suffers from a fear of clowns. He feels there is an evil lurking under the surface. I think we all do.
• Chiclaphobia - Oprah - fear of gum
• Pamela Anderson has a fear own reflection, it freaks her out. People with face transplants experience this...
• Botonophobia - Christina Ricci - fear of plants. Filthy household plants. Fear of swimming pools.

Who friggin' cares!?
Revival story - Austria father that locked his daughter in his basement and impregnanted 6 times has spent 2 months in prison so far. He's requested 30 minutes of fresh air a day, as he's getting a little stir crazy. He's only spent 1/144th of the time his daugher experienced trapped in the basement. MINUS THE RAPE. A-hole.

Music & Entertainment
>Dark Knight raked $155 Million over opening weekend. Broke 3 of 3 Spiderman records set last year.
>Mama Mia in 2nd place also had a solid weekend.
>China - banned all overseas performers that threaten sovereignty.
>Shannon Daugherty (the Megabitch) is scheduled to join 90210. Joe Tata.
>Weeds tonight!
>Final word: Katie Couric is staying w/ CBS news.
>Chinese panda artist is outraged with Kung Fu Panda.

Guess the Airline!
*did this happen already? I'm assuming that American Airlines is the answer for just about every one. Or Virgin Air is for the good stories? "What's ... going... on?"

Today's Guest - Joe Klocek auditioned for Last Comic Standing in SF.
Tonight at the SF Punchline! Check him out. Headlining the Onion Comedy Series at 8pm!

Originally from Illinois, Chicago area. Points out that everyone originally from SF will make it a point to remind you that they are originally from here. Oh, yes. "Third generation stick-up-the-butt." ^-^

*Cobbs Comedy Club was playing favorites with Alice? No more Cobbs Comics rule was put into effect...* This can be turned around when Valerie someone gets fired.

Joe's favorite homeless story - cable car turn around once saw a homeless guy PUNCH a pigeon out of the air.
Joe's mom wanted him to become a priest. She was a nun for 10 years. He realized he wasn't going to become a priest after seeing an adorable girl when they were in second grade... Fair enough.

What do you find that is SO BAY AREA? Only in the Bay Area:

• Joe likes to play "What's the smell on Muni?"
• Everyone smokes pot. you can get it anywhere.
• match/dating service ads for men seeking men on TV
• Walk outside and watch a bum take a dump.
• See people dancing in the bus - hyphy movement
• Tree sitting hippies
• the word "Hella"
• assless chap on the bus
• seagulls grabbing food right out of your hands
• dropping a crack pipe at a pizza parlor
• random underwear and shoes on the street
• vegitarian homeless turning your meat product food offering down
• critical mass
• Blue tooth or talking to self? Talking to self.
• Cops not caring about going 85 on 280
• Gay homeless people
• creative signs for change
• sign to get off bay bridge - are you gay . com bilboard

Joe points out that SF and the bay area is a progressive place without the progress. Love love.

Guess the State (1 winner)
Wisconsin!!
Story: 15 yrs in prison after drugging her 6 year old twin girls. Found 23 digital photos of her BF molesting the girls.
Winner won: Sarah Silverman Tix

Crap on Celebrities:
>Britany gives the kids to Kevin Fed. She will be allowed visitation rights 2 times a week. $15,000 has been bumped to $20,000.
>Verne Troyer - sued TMZ and websites involved in the leaking of the sex tape that got out.
>For those of you who like to drink beer in a can - (Tony) Vinny Paul of Pantera is being auctioned off. Must be hauled off the premises in Arlington, TX. HEAVY. METAL.
>Eddie Murphy is about to star in a movie where he rarely speaks. A FIRST! For Mr. Murphy.

Crappy Birthdays
~ the other Culkin - Josh Hartnett 30 - Damien Marley Jr. Gong 30 - Ali Landry 35 - Jon Lovitz - Robin Williams - Kat Stevens ~
Porno Birthday
Brandi Alexander: 84 films she is 40

Grade Today's Show: 52.6% B (the first B I've ever typed!)

Just the Headline: "Man suspected of killing a hooker with a hoe."