Short weeks move fast.

Grumpy. Sleepy. Tired. Hungry. Upset. Stressed. These are a few words to describe my moods RN.

Today's Intern: MIA (not the musician) - Andrea!

Menace can't caca at the hotel he typically heads to, for nakey-nakey deuce dropping time Apparently they took his photo and has been interrogated. :( A cab driver recommends that he tell the hotel that he's just a cab driver.

Recap/revisit (gingerly) the Sarah&NoName battle yesterday. For many reasons I just don't want to have to delete my content :( Uh what is Swat Monkey? Also, this is the artice that started it all, at least the Woody's Show half.

Emails
>Woody Show love. Go monkeys.
>Lies about Fireworks for their daughter's 5 year old birthday.
>Props to the Greg v Office Max Freakout. This is why Greg should be president!
>Nword email - shock jock challenge. Don't call it "Frisco."

Deliberations of how to handle the Battle Royal from yesterday as the saga seems to continue. Listeners wanna KNOW!! (So do I.) Whew. That's wasn't so bad!

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)
Are you a good American?
Winner won: Hulk Tix

Drama happens - the blog suffers. Woody does have strep throat. I know because I'm his physician. No, we know because he said so.

Woody requests that you (the awesome listening audience) leave Dave alone. BOTTOM LINE IS: Woody gets the rest of today off and tomorrow (Friday) off. He's resting up so he can be healthy for BFD '08. Hell yes. Feed better, Woodster.

Grade Today's Show: % A

Today's Just the Headline: "..."

Little competition never hurt anybody

Bah. I walk slow when Jeremy is here...

Today's Intern: Jeremy

Menace dreams of Dennis Richmond... Man cuddle puddle. The show has been nominated for the SF something something. They need a photo of the crew. Lalala.

$1 box of moon pies = weapon in battery against elderly homeless man. Snakes... animal cruelty. A pet python was nailed to a telephone poll with 6 nails left to die in Massholechusettes.

Traffic & Weather:
I'm just kidding. I love it when Greg does traffic + weather. Saw a CRAZY accident by Battery & Market yesterday. Fire hydrant was spraying, a bumper fell off, and another car was flipped all the way on its roof. :-O

Emails!
*Greg's Freakout Video - Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper funny. Check it out!! HILARIOUS, animated by Chris Julian. Greg has a short fuse and it is priceless. Writer suggests: try Weights and Measures.
*Office Max deserves some hate - love, another F'ing Office Max employee.
*2008 Live 105 500 countdown be on the air for about a month?
*England's Century FM station is having a competition "Where in the World" station hides tickets around the world. Tickets have been located at the Live 105 station attached to a piece of DJ equipment. Interesting!
*Re: Surfer Spud - a walk down memory lane... is Spud an EXEC?!??! Challenged and questioned by Daryl.
*Global HEAT - I am a chick. I am young. And I am hot - I think global warming is bogus!

Text Poll (hot chicks only - Yes, No, Don't Care) Does man have a direct effect on the global warming?
50% 50%

News & Sports
>Santa Cruz fires 80% contained. YAY! Smoldering brush fire
>China's being nice. 1.3 billion ppl. CHINA, YOU ARE OVERPOPULATED. REFRAIN FROM HAVING 18 BABIES. Amnesty?
>NASA is totally affordable. Space travel - generates $156Billion. Toilet's fan in space stopped working (Menace: "Turd Chopper") and is a big problem. To fix it, tracking down spare parts, fly it out to Discovery space shuttle. When the toilet reaches capacity, they'll have to seal their caca and peepee in plastic bags.

>Baseball News!
>Tiger Woods - had knee surgery!

Problem with the transmitter today ~ watch it on Justin-dot-tv. Sweet. Signal Strike! San Jose cannot hear us.

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)
Impossible Trivia - how many kernels does the average ear of corn contain? 800 kernels. 16 rows.
Winner won: HULK!!

Happy happy story!
16 year old. Stripped of her flesh. And he flushed down the toilet. Dumped the rest at butcher markets, placed among meat. weighed down her limbs with rocks and sank it off a bridge. Prostitute. Charged with murder.

Pointless Listener Poll: Lies You told your Kids, or Were told Growing up.
Why do we lie to children in the first place? Protection and to get them to not do certain things. Identity. Sex. As an amusement for adults. To get children to Listen. Ravey brings up the "Why?" phase.

• Swallowing watermelon seeds will grow a watermelon in their stomach
• Babies are shipped from Kmart
• Keep making that face and it was get stuck in that position
• Moon is made of cheese
• Teaching them the wrong children.
• Turn your voice box off (to curb kids from swearing)
• The bumps in the road are turtles sleeping and when she misbehaved in the car he'd run them over.
• Don't make fun of retarded ppl or you will become retarded
• Masturbate = blind
• Santa Clause -
• Tooth Fairy didn't come because she was on vacation
• Easter Bunny -
• if you don't wash your privates reall well, they'll fall off
• Watch TV in the dark - bad eyes
• Mtn Dew reduces sperm count
• Threats if death to get things done... lol

News Break: SF Weekly ~ Best of SF '08. First thing is People and Places. Front page "Best morning radio and crew = Sarah and Noname." The article inside "Best morning crew = The Woody Show." LOL. Confused? Newspaper BLOOPER? Hahahaha. Readers poll... vs the newspaper's pick? Do'h.

Music & Entertainment
>Missed it. Does Alice qualify for this segment as filler?

Who knew?
*Ravey DID!! Top paying hourly rated jobs. Panhandling vs Construction.
*Sometimes flight attendants have to deal with nasty thingies in airplanes. Dirty diapers. People who had sex in their chairs.

Gott Game w/ Steve Masters
Nerd Luv!! ^_^ steve@gottgame.com email him with your RELEASE DATE questions, and other things.

Grade Today's Show: 96.8% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Swat team mistakes Lara Croft for crazed gunman."

Shmuesday

Hope you all had a wonderful extended weekend...

Today's Intern: Our Lady Sarah (who brought in Patron and Bio-K+, yum!)

Weekend Recap Ravey got a little sick. Woody was sick. Tony pooped thrice on the plane ride home. Greg BBQ'd it up all weekend. Menace does not like extended time off because it reminds him of life being laid off. Woody goes to Michaels for all of 2 seconds and heads over to Super K-mart. Dumpsville Alert.

Emails:

>Anna - Hooray, this weekend you guys managed to play some REALLY good music. Few new and few old songs. Food, blood, puke, and "S." Hooray on this weekend's Memorial 500 list. Woody says "you cannot fall off the floor." Brilliant.

>HMB is a beautiful place. Point taken. We get it. We anticipate the creation of Half Moon Island!

>Global Warming: your audience cares. Especially women. Continue to refer to Global Warming as a theory and you will lose your fine (and foxxy) chicks in your listening audience.

Pointless Listener Poll:
Memorial 500 Weekend

94.6% of texters really dug it

News & Sports:

>Gay wedding invites as soon as 6/14: Same sex couples can marry as soon as June 14. Yay, it's legal. There is a complication... County forms have to be uniform and they have to determine terminology for same sex couples in replacement of "bride" and "groom."

>West Virginia woman pulling off a miracle? 59 year old woman called her son while she experienced a serious heart attack. He arrives at her home and she was on the floor motionless. When the paramedics arrived her heart had stopped beating and they pronounced her dead. She was hooked up to life support and rigormotis had begun to set in. Her son started making funeral arrangements when he received a call from the hospital: as the staff pulled the plug, she came back to life 14 hours after being pronounced dead. WTF?! They expect her to make a full recovery. Wow, ultra high five for her.

>Basketball player kicked off team for being too good! 12 year old girl (awww, she's really cute) joined an all boys basketball league. No one had a problem with it until they saw her play. She's 6 foot tall. Parents and the league are using the gender card to kick her out of the league because she's better than the boys (and I'm sure she's taller, too). A college in Oregon has already offered her a scholarship. Sweet! Good luck finding a husband though...

>A's & Giants were off yesterday...

>Phillies beat the Rocky's 20-5

>Red Wings are steam rolling the Penguins.
>Detroit was the place to be! Pistons crush the Celtics.

>Big Brown horse has experienced a hiccup. A quarter crack in his left hoof. Could take days to a few months to heal.

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)

Greg Gory Friends Challenge (Stupid Ross. Ruined it for me, that blasse douche)

Winner won: Incredible Hulk Tickets

10 items that you think make you look cool but don't.

From Maddox's, The Best Page in the Universe. (I LOVE LOVE LOVE THAT SITE. Be sure to revisit 'I am better than your kids.') Guess he's got a book out about being a man. You can look into it, I'm already man enough.

1. iPhone
2. Ironic belt buckles
3. Bluetooth head set
4. Quoting Austin Powers, Borat, and Old School (LOL - no fair, I LOVE Boratitis.)
5. PT Cruiser (gag)
6. Tricked out bicycles
7. Rock Band video game
8. uh... uh? mmmm... huh
9. Longboard skateboards
10. Funny ringtones

CROCKS! Sunglasses when it's dark or in a building. the Prius. Nor*Cal stickers. Truck Nuts. Tite pants on straight men. Giant sports brands on their car. Spinners. Large muscular guys with shaved legs. Loud motorcycle engines. Oversized white T's. Tramp stamps. Smoking weed (lols). Chevy HHR. The guys that set up camp at Starbucks ALL DAY LONG.

Greg's semi Perma Ban from Office Max... is ANIMATED!! Click here to witness Greg's Freakout! By Chris Julian. Awesome. Hugs to him, friend of friend of Menace.

Music & Entertainment

>New Music Releases: Sex & City Soundtrack. Cindy Lauper. Usher.

>Indiana Jones = scores #1 at the Box Office. :( Shocking.

>YouTube celebrity, Chris Crocker is mentioned.

>Kim Kardashian - almost gave boyfriend Reggi Bush a heart attack after she publicly announced that she's 2 months pregnant. She was just joking.

1943 Guide to Hiring Women - 11 old school tips

• Pick young married women
• If you have to hire older women, hire those who have worked outside the home at some point in their lives
• General experience indicates that "husky" girls are more even tempered than their lean sisters
• Retain a physician to give female hires a physical examination
• Stress at the outset the importance of time
• Give female employee a definate list of tasks and duties
• Let the inside employee change from time to time
• Give every girl adaquette rest time
• Be tactful when issuing criticisms and delegating duties. It breaks their spirit and slows their efficiency
• Be considerate when using strong language around women
• Get enough size and variety in uniforms!

Guess the State (1 winner)

Ohio!!

Brittany has failed math portion of her GED repeatedly. Now she wants to pass to get her GED AND to get her father out of jail. When she was staying with her mom, she'd skip schoo. She became a mother at 16 years old and quit school altogether. The courts put Brian, her father, in charge of her education. He was charged with contribution to the deliquent of a minor. So he's in jail cuz she can't do her math.

Winner won: Incredible Hulk Tix

Fist Foot Way - tae kwon do movie? with the cats from anchor man... or something. speaking of which, check out trailer park boys. it's canadian and really funny. i know i'm not using capital letters, F U! happy?

Crap on Celebrities

>Nick Hogan whining hoping to get his butt out of jail early. Another Hogan got into an accident?

>Lindsey is not a lesbian... Cannes Film Fest and was making out friend Samantha.

>Woody Allan will disappear for 40 days and water survival to refresh his head.

>Brangelina spent $7 mill on an estate. She's expecting twins.

>JLo and Anthony are caring for their children on their OWN. their nanny up and left abruptly.

>Rob Knox in Harry Potter was stabbed to death outside of a bar.

>Dick Martin of Laughin' ... is hooking up with Kelsey Grammer and reviving his career! Huzzah! Wait, who is this?

Celebrity Birthdays

Andre 3000 - Todd Bridges - Peri Gilpin - Lou Gossett Jr.

Porno Birthday

Lexi Belle

Grade Today's Show: 66.4% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Farmer's chemical fueled vomit does something with gas."

Muh-muh-muh-memorial Day Weekend

Dean and Beth come by the station today. Happy Memorial Day weekend... Bleh. I have a ONE day weekend. So, suck it all you three-four day weekend peeps... And Menace barely made it in this morning. WTF. Who brought in cupcakes? I hope their not poisoned 'cuz I'm eatin' them.

Today's Intern: Andrea

Woody goes to Michaels this weekend w/ Jen to make programs. Tony's off to St. Louis. Ravey is going to Pittsburg. Vanessa stays at home. Menace might go to Vegas. Knowing Greg, he might tag along. Kidding.

Emails
>Marvin from the "Frisco Bay" - Woody Show Friday Song suggestions. Interesting. He recommends everyone chooses a rap song from the Bay.

>Seattle Matt (AKA Sleeping Beauty) - "Thanks Dicks. In my defence I was up at 4 am the day before... Am sick." Oh boy, Woody's throat hurts, could be Matt's fault.

>Eric in WC - Seattle Matt mentioned how tired he was.

>Adam - just moved to the Bay Area. Love the show. lalala Thanks Adam!

>Greg-geg - Hatin' on the HMB crud"izzle." And love to Ravey (foin woman) and Greg's political stance.

>Soooooo Bay Area, on HMB. Nina: Stop stereotyping small towns in the Bay Area. Best hippie teenager voice EVAR! Reminds me of Daria.

>The Woody Show rips on practically every city in the Bay Area. Any city that comes up gets reemed for the reasons the city is in the news/a topic of discussion.

>Movie segment with Jan isn't this emailer's favorite. Loves Jan, just feels the variety of movie conversation is limited.

>Global Warming: We lost a listener over global warming. Really? And then he's going to our sales department. Why. I don't get it.

>Gravity is also a theory... cuz global warming is for real. so east bay so bay area. hottest day 136 degrees El Azizia Libia Sept 13, 1922. Hottest Day. 2nd hottest Death Valley 134 degrees 1914.

News & Sports:

>Santa Cruz Mountain Fire - still raging out of control. Burned 34 acres. 15% contained. This is a big fire. Yikes.

>True crime story involving Charles Manson: authorities were digging for hidden graves in the last known hide out. Ended yesterday and found nothing.

>Car Deal Sales going through roof!

>Polygamists in Texas courts: authorities had no right to seize the children. Texas fails to show that the children were not in any dire danger. Not enough evidence.

>Reduces traffic
>18 year old girl something - someone's getting more than the max sentence

>Brave fan was drinking at a baseball game. Decides to slide down the hand rail, unfortunately he wound up falling 15 stories to his dead - authorities state that "alcohol was a factor."

>Detroit Pistons ended oponants' winning streak.

>Redwings and Penguins - Stanley Cup Finals

>Giants and A's were off yesterday...

>MLB wants to speed up their games - players need to hustle their bustle out on the field and will be charged with penalties for taking too long.

>USC's OJ Mayo has terminated his relationship with his agent. His mother made the statement to the public. I don't know what's going on. Who is OJ Mayo?

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)

the Virtual Driver's Exam. Study showed: 16.4% of drivers wouldn't pass the DMV driver's test, that means 33 million drivers in America don't know the current rules of the road. The lowest 5 states that scored were Georgia, Massachusettes, NY, Washington DC and New Jersey. The top 5 states were Minnesoty, Idaho, Nebraska, Whyoming, and Kansas(#1).

Winner won: Woody Show Prize Pack.

Pointless Listener Poll - What was your senior prank?

*Granite City - a senior belly flopped onto the hood of the car, hit his head on the pavement, and it killed him. He would have graduated.

*Texas - her dress was too revealing. Didn't make it to the ballroom because the dress violated dress code. Wicked short. Midsection. Picture: marche taylor

*Class of .08 seniors T-shirts. Pushin it to the limit. School decided it sent the wrong message. So 45 students were suspended for wearing it.

*Tenn - student rides his horse to school on his last day of classes. No graduation ceremony for him. Because he rides his horse to school... WTF. So stupid. He was being green. Leave him alone!

• 1 million goldfish in the pool = 1 million dead fish
• stocked soda machine with a bunch of beer
• glued the school locks, lockers glued shut,
• filled main hallway with half full dixie cups
• termites ate thru his admin's wooden leg
• fed pot to the gerbils in the bio lab. one ran himself to death on the wheel :(
• entire sr class hid bouncey balles in their palm and as they shook the dean, the balls dropped on the stage. Ha!
• 3 pigs were put on campus and they were numbered 1, 2, & 4. Teachers spent all day looking for #3 and there was none.
• Called in about a kegger off campus where the keg was empty...
• Sr's found roadkill and brough it back to school and threw it in the pool. wrote fresh meat on the wall.
• '96 - autoshop only girl. pretended her hand got stuck in car parts with fake limbs from Halloween

Music and Entertainment:
>Marvel comics = movies
>Spike Lee - where's the Negro soldiers in Eastwood's version of Iwo Jima?
>American Idol. (There, I said it. Er, typed it.)

That's just not right vs Happy happy story! 64% brings us to NOT RIGHT:
44 yo man selling someone for sex 19 yo woman that got married in stockholm. using site to sell sexual services. Hmmm missed it cuz Katie is here to see Dean and Beth. W00t.

Jan Wahl - Movies & Hat Time
Indiana Jones: something something something cuz of the VIP Lymphoma Research Foundation

Crap on Celebrities
MANY BORING THINGS. Get a pedicure and read one of those magazines to get filled in on this segment. This isn't hate. It's just filler for data that I missed. :(

Celebrity Birthdays
Jewel - drew carry - john c reily - heavy d - preseley - b dill - tommy chong - ethan seply - jamie kennedy - anne heche - mike meyers - frank oz - Sir ian mccallan - matt stone - kravitz - bobcat golthwait - sally ride - naomi campbell - morrisey
Porno Birthdays
Ana Chong - asian-atrix
I missed some of the others.

Weekly Woody Show Friday Song: (AKA Menace gets the most votes & we hear 4 other songs for 30 seconds)
Greg's Song - KORN "Thoughtless"
27.3% Menace's Song - Drew Down "Mac of the Year"
13.8% Ravey's Song - MC Hammer's "Can't touch this"
9.5% Tony's Song - Neil Diamond "America!"
20% Woody's Song - Jay Z "99 Problems"
The White Menace, Defending Champion. The show might end the segment if Menace wins it every week. HOWEVER Greg one. Finally a new champ reigns.

Murder

This morning the SF skyline was beautiful, gorgeous, and amazing.

Today's Intern: the beautiful and talented Miss Katie

Hometown pride talk. Woody mentions that sometimes people have a blind pride of their hometown. Ravey claims that for her it seems that absence makes the heart grow fonder. To a certain extent I guess you could say that there are certain things I miss about Fremont... I enjoy knowing that place like the back of my hand. Certain places hold good memories and are one of a kind places where you can only get something special, etc. But if it were to randomly fall off the map, I'm pretty sure I could move on and not want to slit my wrists. Frankly.

Emails RE: dead issue. deleted upon request.

News & Sports:
>Airlines and their stupid fees...
>Bush bars genetic discrimination act.
>Slore story: Sex & the City fan or something?
>SF first city to pass rule fine businesses for contribution to global warming. So businesses will be charged $0.044 per ton of carbon waste they emit into the air.
>What? Someone passed away? SF news anchor... ? Fox? WHAT? A deep voice?

>Marlins in the NEEEEEEWS.
>Lakers' game 1. Kobe.
>Celtics.
>Dolphins & Jason Taylor. Guess he's not coming back... ?

Girls Gone Gross:
Girls Gone Wild meets the world of chick farts and burps! Yummm.
Seymour Bucks is on the phone with us, owner and CEO of Girls Gone Gross. Hot chicks that aren't shy about breaking wind, some up and coming actresses. Uh, CBS IT department has a block on that site, so this is the next best thing that I found on YouTube... I did not get the email address but it could be: girlsgonegross@hotmail.com.

Sexy Time Fun Facts
Who's the biggest slut or man-whore that you know?
*My friend - Chad
*Linda - Laticia, was hoin' it up online in love chats
*lots of ended up in the hospital stories. and dirty genitals stories.

*May is National Masturbation Month
Nina Hartley

8 Myths about sex

1. No hymen = not a virgin. False.
2. Men are more visually stimulated then women. Not true.
3. Only women can have multiple orgasms. Men CAN but they have to train themselves to delay the deed.
4. Being uncircumsized is less hygenic.
5. A woman must be in love in order to orgasm. They need a symetrical man... lol
6. Men don't have sensitive nipples.
7. A woman must have an orgasm in order to conceive.
8. A guy's junk is sensitive so handle with care. Not true, it's actually pretty resiliant.

Retards in the News:
>Blaring Mariah Carrie music. Totally missed this part :( VIP Calls.

Music & Entertainment:
>Racontours is going to the Treasure Island music festival thing. I'm glad I'm not getting paid for the blog. This blog gets and F for today. Me so sorry. :(

Katie True of False:
*Is Republican and hates whiney Liberals - True
*You think you're hotter than most girls - False
*Stolen something - True! blinking SpongeBob doodad.
*Something in your sexual past you're ashamed of - True
*Has blamed someone else for your fart - True
*You want to have sex with Greg Gory - Which leads into Woody grilling Katie, then Vanessa about the final question.

Grade Today's Show: 69.7% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Grandmother of 8 makes a hole in 1."

Bring it!

Busy day, lots of phones. No breakfast. Slow morning, everyone seems to have had difficulty waking up today. Woody even slept in... but was not late. Neither was I. Joyful times, all.


Today's Intern: Jeremy

Covering some emails and updates. Phones already off the hook. What's up with that? I'd check it out at justin.tv hooray!

We played Beck's new song, 'Chemtrails.' Caller isn't a fan of the song, neither is the majority of the show. Hey, we love Beck, this is just new and out there. The 415 texts in berating us for not being open minded and immediate die hard fans of the tune. Sorry.

Emails:
>Update on Kevin's status (nude photos of his ex online): she called the cops on him and he missed Woody reading his original email because he was in JAIL. We think he should turn around and sue her for wasting his time and money.
>MEOW!![content deleted] Cue callers and topic spiraling out of control. Holy hell breaks loose. Sweet.
>Sean Grey: RE: the paper bag vs no-plastic bags in SF.
>Paul: you guys are idiots. You have a large influence on youth in the Bay Area. This is a bad influence! Go to http://www.treehugger.com/ and search the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.
>The Brandy Saga continues! From "Brandy Lawyer" brandyslawyer@gmail.com in ALL CAPS. Priceless hilarity ensues.

Seattle Matt falls asleep! This is actually adorable, it reminds me of the YouTubes of cute puppies falling asleep standing up, etc. Oh and kitties. And monkeys.

News & Sports:
>Campaign news!
>Edward Kennedy (Ted, yes Tony, Ted is short of Ed) has a severe case of brain cancer. Caller informs us that this strain is more of a death sentence than just simple removable cancer.
>People are stealing grease... for their biodiesel cars.
>Ppl who like to impersonate cops.... Official Booby Inspector is not what your fake badge should read if you're trying to be "official." Uh, duh.

>Giants scored a couple in the 9th.
>Celtics did something.

Who knew?
*Abortion issue coming to a head in Britain. 5900 abortions in the UK. Is not an alternative to contraceptives.
*Sorry guys, this VIP pass is eating up a lot of my "pay-attention" abilities.

Music & Entertainment:
>Chili Peppers is disbanded at the moment...
>Marching with My Chemical Romance. Yuck.
>Courtney Love - has NOT scrapped her solo album. She's been working on it for the past three years.

If you transpose our "800" number and instead dial 1-800-LIVE-478 you will reach a phone sex line.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Ugh. I'm not even recording this report! Simpson family update *barf*
>Coco and Ice-T talk about the parenting life... bah. Missed a lot of dad.

Celebrity Birthdays:
~ Ricky Williams - Mr. T - Al Franken ~
Porno Birthday:
Brianna Banks! ("Ooooohhhhh," from Tony. Looks like he is familiar...)

Gott Game w/ Steve Masters. Tech Time!
Menace: Where the heck is my Wii Fit??
You can email him!! Check it: steve@gottgame.com

Grade Today's Show: ?% A

Today's Just the Headline: "phones!"

In the words of Bono, it's a beautiful morning.

Have a happy U2 day! I've been up since 1:30 in and out of the ER. Fun stuff folks. Be jealous.

Today's Intern: Sarah Bear (Happy Birthday this Sunday. We're so proud!)

Sperm donor story - apparently a sperm donor paternal father stalked his biological son. Which is illegal. Segway into the adoption and single mom discussion. Apparently someone has an adopted half brother who's a teenage and still doesn't officially know it. Wild.
[killsometime.com - shark attack]

News & Sports:
>Primary update. Look it up on CNN or something. I think if you cared, you'd already know.
>Child porn law = cracking down.
>Landscapers using a woodchipper that purees wood. A 20 year old guy was hanging around them while they chipped wood. The landscapers tell him to be careful and stand back from the death machine. A few minutes later, the young man comes sprinting towards the wood chipper and dives head first just as the landscaper turns the machine off. Of course he survived but with sufficient injuries to his chest, arms, and shoulders.

>Giants and A's = had a tough night.
>NHL Stanley Cup Finals: Pittsburg Penguins v Detroit?
>NBA
>Spurrs beat the Hornets
>Charles Barkley - is not going to be gambling for a while. He says he needs to stop. To Greg's dismay.

Happy Happy Story!
Treasure Island: researchers were going to go up the Bay Bridge to rescue baby falcons and bring them to a safe place in order for them to fly later. Awwww when they got up there, they discovered that the baby falcons were dead for the past 2 weeks.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
White Menace Theatre: Animal House
Winner won: Woody Show Prize Pack

Pointless Listener Poll:
What's the weirdest thing you've ever found.

• Woody Show
• Naked women on his lawn making out
• American Express gift card for $100
• Dead body in Lake Michigan
• Cop's wallet
• Chick to bang me
• Diamond ring
• $800 floating in a plastic bag in Folsom Lake
• Dookie covered gold chain in a urinal
• Bag of talcum powder - mistaken for coke
• Unexploded artillary shells
• Box of Porn
• Bag of perscription medication

Music & Entertainment:
>Oh, lovely. Something about Foxboro Hot Tubs.
>Indiana Jones out this Friday.
>Many calls for the VIP Passes, yo.

Google: "the chalker chronicles" Blog & scroll down!

Camping stories ~ hooray. Please, no one invite me to go camping. My love of poo goes hand in hand with a nice Western porcelain toilet with running water.

6 Most commonly misquoted facts:

1. Christmas causes suicide - actually Christmas time just increases stress and depression
2. You only use 10% of your brain. Load of horse manure.
3. Accidentally 8 spiders while sleeping a year. What animal walks into the mouth-cave of a predator? LMAO the article put this brilliantly.
4. Spousal abuse increases during Super Bowl Sunday.
5. You must wait 30 minutes after you eat before you go swiming.
6. Men think about sex every 7 seconds. 30% of men don't think about sex during the day at all.

Crap on Celebs:
>Nothing too exciting. I missed at least half an hour of the show cuz the VIP Passes took up A LOT, a lot, of Nessie's time...
>How does John Mayor do it? Gorilla face pulls some of the higher hotties from Tinsle Town (Who calls it that? Tinsletown.)

Grade Today's Show: x% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Seal caught on tape molesting a penguin." Thanks for the correction! So Seal as in the singer?

Someone tell me why I even keep this blog up?

No one reads this! I hate you guys. Not really, but I need comments. Anything. A dot or dash every once in a while to let me know that you ppl bother. Thanks. Join the Woody Show Fan Forum.

Today's Intern: Tucan Sam

THE WOODY SHOW COMIN AT CANCER BFD PASS: Get your Comin at Cancer BFD pass - brought to you by the xD. Listen to the Woody Show all week to find out how you can support the Lymphoma Research Foundation and snag 2 BFD, Deviant Den, Smoke Out (BBQ) with Cypress Hill @ BFD, Front of Line for Autographs, a Got Wood T-shirt. $250 per pair - Credit Cards will be ran by the Lymphoma Research Foundation not by Live 105.

Normal person, "Do you have some/any scissors?"
St. Louis person/my Japanese father, "Do you have a scissors?"
Woody claims it is retarded. Most of us agree.

Weird things from Woody's weekend:
#1 Beth cut herself badly with a scissors and wound up in the emergency room. Yikes.
#2 Did she get a stitches? No, they glued it. Hooray derma bond!

Emails
*AIS - isn't giving Menace his credit appropriately. They've listed Live 105 as 103.5 and another station under 105.3 (perhaps it's the Mikey Show).
*Gay Marriage topic. My hungry mind wanders in and out.
*Friday Song of the Week - Menace's magical wins... Jackie proposes to Menace an anonymous song submission instead of having names attached to the song. Ah, yes. reppin' the bay.

News & Sports:
>Uh, something about a young girl that has started her period really early. A moronic teacher... I was on the phone with ppl who thought the VIP passes are free. Please note that they ARE NOT free. A 5th grade teacher called in to inform us that 5 girls in her class already started their period and at her school three 2nd graders started as well. Genetically altered food, chemically pumped ingrediants, and parabins/hormones in daily products.
>Cell phone use - pregnant woman who use their cell phone 2/3 times a day increase their risk of a Hpyer active ADD monster child. I wish I could thank my mom, but cell phones weren't invented yet. Or were really expensive.
>Bear Attack story that RULEZ!
>Olympic Try Outs: a least expected contender. Parapalegic wants to run. He has special boingy legs, is that considered a cheat?
>A Woman is sexually violated - oh boy.

>Celtics are moving on.
>Flyers are going home.
>Big Brown continues to rule.
>Eight Belles had no steroids in her system.

In China - a construction truck filled with glue turned over, spilled on the road. Fire fighter attempted to dilute the glue but the solution was so sticky that brooms, tools, and ppl slid and stuck into the glue and were caught for quite a while until they were freed. By the hand of God.

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)
Read my mind! (Tony's Mind - Kevin Spacey Movie) Superman Returns!
Winner won: Woody Show Care Package

Well, that's just not right
A DJ in Philly - Kidd Chris, worshipper of Howard Stern, got fired for running a song called 'Shwoogies' by Lady Gash to the tune of Blondie's 'Call Me' based on racial grounds. Wow, so "shwoogies" is a racist term for Black people, commonly used on the East Coast. Apparently he's been playing it since mid-March. Who does this?

Music & Entertainment:
>Prince Caspian had a great weekend: Dominated Box office
>Coldplay was not speaking for a while... Chris Martin says the members of the band weren't really speaking until they stepped into the studio to re-record after 2 years of promoting
>Offspring to reissue 2 earlier albums: 1992's Ignition and 1994's Smash. These are coming out with the new album, Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace on June 17 of this year.
>Death Cab for Cutie - I typed them into Google followed by "news" and this is what came up... I make my own reports at times.
>Mike Tyson documentary... what?

Douche bag of the day
5'3" construction worker beat his live-in gf. she made him dinner when he wasn't hungry. 42 year old left and continued to drink and go out to eat fried chicken with his friends. When he returned to his home near Disneyland he proceeded rape and molest his GF's mute daughter. He was fortunately caught red handed by the girl's uncle. He won 10 years in a California state prison. Apparently he has a family in Mexico and other counts of this behavior on his record south of the border.

Uh. New Kids on the Block. Yup, the rise and fall of boy bands, mands. Bleh.

Crap on Celebrities
>Ashlee Simpson is 4 months pregnangt and married.
>Bouncy (aka Beyonce) might be pregnant. Whatever. She sucks.
>Britney Spears is vacationing with Mel Gibson. Whaaa~?

Celebritiy Birthdays
Uh, bunch of nobodies. But hey! Sarah, Woody Show webcam mistress, turns 5 today! You go girl. Seriously though she is 19! Celebrate ^_^

Grade Today's Show: 58% A

Today's Just the Headline: "*clap*"

Porn pr0n porn!

Nothing here to see... I'm a Happy GIRL today!

Today's Intern: Miss Andrea

Christian group is making a stink about Starbucks revival of an original logo where a topless mermaid with a double tail resembles a naked woman with her legs spread. They are promoting a boycott of Starbucks, AKA Slutbucks.

Turlock, found a bazooka behind a Jack in the Box.

Icelandic Phallological Museum: 261 types of the male member. They have the largest specimen belongs to a sperm whale on display.

BME penal index / rasputin's penis debate over whether it was a horse's or his actual penis...

Guess the State (1 winner)

Pennsylvania!!

Story: 39 year old man was at a bar, time to go home, too drunk to drive, had his 9 yo son drive him home. they took off. noticed the car swerving, kid @ wheel. boy clarified that he's 9 and a HALF. Rodney behaved like a drunken jerk.

Winner won: Indiana Jones Tix

News & Sports:

>Supreme Court ruled same sex couples CAN get married in the state of California. To Woody's chagrin and not in a homophobic way, but because that means more weddings for him to attend. YAY!

>John McCain - 2013 America CAN win the war. It's not a time table, it's a victory.

>Office worker in the UK claimed to be bullied, awarded $10,000 after her boss lifted his left butt cheek and "farted in his general direction." Her team of all male sales staff even threw a beach ball at her head.

>Mom that set up a fake myspace acct then ended with a student hanging herself.

>Someone did not want to go to work? 20 years for lighting something on fire in the bathroom in flight?

>Eeeeeew! A 9 year old Greek girl recently reported stomach pains. Doctors discovered her embryonic twin was inside of her stomach. WOW. She grew around her twin. Her two inch twin had hair, no brain, and other developed body parts.

>Giants - things were looking great. Then the wheels came off. Fail.

*I have acid reflex right now. Yuck.*

>Penguins are generous franchize: lol because they LET the Flyer's win last night.

>Kentucky Derby - Big Brown

>Eight Belles official autopsy showed she had no diseases and no bones abnormalities. Some people have suspected her owner of steroid abuse.

Happy happy story!

New Jersey - 14 year old mother was charged with murder after she gave birth to a baby in a fair grounds toilet, hid the baby in the tank during a Cnco de Mayo fest. She managed to keep the pregnancy a secret but someone narced her out when reports of the baby's discovery made the news.

Who Knew?

*Shark Attacks - according to (Woody) last year there were zero deaths due to shark attacks last year, 2007. Ravey and I challenged that, and she found one report of a death from shark attack off the coast of South Africa.

*Survey: 98% of women have been hollered at. 1/3 women are hit-on on a regular basis as reported on CNN.

*There has been an increase in breast reduction surgeries

*The difference between men and women in wet dreams: women dream more often about celebrities and exboyfriends. 41% of women have wet dreams a week. 3% of men say they have had a true "wet" dream while 4% of women say they have actually had dreams that resulted in a climax. Who knew?

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)

Tony goes with C, but that's just [me] him.

Winner won: Indiana Jones Tix

Music & Entertainment Report:

>Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Read all of those. I'm kinda stoked. Whatever.

>May 11 show - Radiohead got stuck in a monsoon and missed their show in Bristol.

>Death Cab for Cutie: playing xBox Live @ 4:30. Message: gwfdcfcnick & gwfdcfcjason.

Pointless Listener Poll:

Not all stereo types are true... HEY! Stereotypes are observational humor.

• White ppl let their dogs lick them in the mouth
• Black men loving white women
• Asian people have trouble driving
• Brothers are lazy
• White people can't dance
• Mexicans like to decorate their car
• Old people cannot drive! Suck at driving...
• The effeminate lisp of gay men
• On a side note... Tinkerbell sticker on your car = fat chick. Hurley sticker on your car = hot chick. Mexican and Middle Eastern drivers hang CDs from their rear view.

Well, that's Just Not Right...
*Fire drill at a High School, one student while classes were gathering on the lawn outside, someone came behind the 11th grader and lit his turban on fire. Who does that?! That's just not right.

Free Porn Friday!
We have some serious goodies this week... "Crack whore confessions vol 1," "Twisted as F," "Ass Jazz Vol 5,"' and "Glory hole." Woody and Tony report that Shane's World is the best porno out there... I'll be looking into that.
Place your bets everybody! Menace goes to the corner for the DROP. Woody made the bag shorter than it was last time. Guy in gray shirt did the pick up in 3:52 minutes.

• Danny 1:39 minutes
• Jason 8:00 minutes - winner
• Ian 2:47 minutes
• Nick 2:00 minutes

Jan Wahl & The Movie Review. Hat Time!
*Prince Caspian was non-stop battle. Harry Potter meets Lord of the Rings. Not as wonderful as the first one...
*3/4 hats for the Colonial Movie... pfft. I missed it.
*Woody convinces Jan to do a porn movie review with Jimmy Hats as her scale of review.
*Fantasy Movies...
*Batman 6/18 comes out! I LOVE BATMAN!!!! omg.

Crap on Celebrities: Break ups!
>Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are getting married! Sweet,I love them both.
>Shaniah Twain is splitting up with her hubby.
>Jodi foster and her partner are also breaking up.
>Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are broken up...

Celebrity Birthdays
~ NIN Trent Resner - Sugar Ray Leonard - Bob Saggat - Jack Johnson - Tina Fey - Jamie Lynn Sigler - Emmit Smith - Dan Patrick ~
Porno Birthday
Ava Angelina 23 half cuban half chinese. Over 250 movies!

Official Woody Weekly Friday Song:
4.8% Ravey's Song - Fear Factory "Cars"
37.6% Menace's Song - E40 "Tell Me When to Go"
16.7% Greg's Song - Rush "Tom Sawyer"
15.3% Tony's Song - Muppets "Movin' right along" by Kermie
29.5% Woody's Song - Afro Man "Becuz I got High"
Defending Champion!

Grade Today's Show: % A

I love my job. (Really. I do.)

Okay. We're here. In your ear.

Today's Intern: Katie from the 510

Cab driver discussion.
Revival of the Brandi story...

That's just not right.
Curious George is being dragged into the campaign. Someone in Georgia is selling T-shirts with an image of Curious George eating a banana and underneath print reads "Obama in '08."

Emails
*Naked Chick Pictures as revenge? It's a federal crime to post photos of another person w/o consent, especially if the photos are of the person nude.
*Prison comparisons... from yesterday's

News & Sports:
>7 year old punk kid strikes again! The little brat that took his grandmother's SUV for a joy rode in Florida raises hell at a mall. Monday took his bad boy image to a new level. His grandmother and he were shopping at the mall when he asked her for some chicken wings. When she declined him, he walked over to the counter and ordered them anyway. After she approached him and attempted to cancel the order and intervene, he started hitting his gramma as hard as he could wherever he could reach.
>Supreme Court to legalize same sex marriage? Decision is being made today. Massachusetts is currently the only state that allows it.
>Canada airport experiences Home Alone scenario - A family moved from the Philipines to Canada. The family only discovered he was missing while inflight when they received a call from the boarding gate back in Vancouver. He was 21 months old.
>Elliot Spitzer is blaming NYC's water supply for his desire to spend money on prostitutes. He was quoted using the term, "Flesh pots." Poll vaulting chick, Allison Stokke, at UC Berk, okay she is HOT!
>Smarte Car got the highest rating in safety. It's super small and looks crushable!

>A's lost again.
>Wing's first loss in 9 games, Dallas took the game because of a "home team call."
>Pennsylvania Senator doesn't want Spygate to die.

Sexy Time Fun Facts
Ass Man or Boob Man. Women, what's the first thing you look at physically?

AOL Survey: Do most moms really fantasize about other dads in the neighborhood?

• 23% of moms say their favorite way to get in the mood is watching porn
• 21% of mothers say they need to drink in order to engage in sexual relations
• 32% of moms say they have sex more than once a week but 77% say the want to have more sex
• 59% moms say they don't want to do the deed while the kids are home
• 69% of moms say they will have sex just to appease their husbands (omg I've done that sometimes. is that "rape?")
• 36% of wives say they they are just as attracted to their husbands as they were before kids
• 58% of moms say that they have fantasized about coworkers, delivery men, and other dads.
• 34% of moms admit to having an affair since having children. 53% say they have thought about having an affair. And 48% think their husbands have cheated on them.

Men's Health report: Wayne State University did a study where they researched women's physical reactions to porn.

• 17% women became aroused by tonguilingus
• 29% turned on by manual stimulation
• 38% were turned on by watching anal
• 42% were turned on my doggie style
• 63% became aroused when watching a woman perform oral on a man
• Looks like more women get aroused when giving than receiving (Men's Health)

Something about whispering and gifts etc. Romantic stuffs. Weird. Women in high heels or thigh highs. Is that hot or not. Yeah, it's hot, but not necessarily as much a turn on as something else. Which leads to Aries busting through the door to put his 5 cents in.

Sexy Fun Time Poll - Ass or Boobs?? A or B...
76% voted ASS MEN!!
23% are boob dudes...
I'm not concerned, 'cuz I'm happily equipped with both. "Fluffing the cheeks" coined by Aries (at least first heard here by me) where you motorboat the ass cheeks. Sounds stinky and splendid.

Today's Guest - Aries Spears
Will be at the Improv in SJ tonight and this weekend.
62 S. Second Street
San Jose, CA 95113
408-280-7475
Check him out this weekend:
Thu 8pm - Fri 8pm / 10pm - Sat 7pm / 9pm - Sun 7pm

Aries gives us a taste of a Part II & sneak preview to his Mid-June YouTube-ness rap battle extraordinaire. It's NOT FAKE, to all you hater a-holes.

Music & Entertainment:
>Sublime on Rock Band whatever video game. Let's hear it for a sarcastic "YES!!"
>DAMMIT I MISSED MORE OF THE M&E REPORT.
>Super Bad Jonah Hill is in negotiations of 21 Jump Street... where Johnny made his debut appearance. Sweet.
>21st season of Real World will start airing early 2009. OH PLEASE! Just kill the show already.
>Nature boy... Slater. Ali Landry was cheated on by this guy. Who is it?

Guess the State (1 winner)
Florida!!
Story: Last Friday at mexican rest chef heard nois from grills exhaust pipes. Chefts and guests were surprised when a human leg emerged from underneath the range. the air duct he fell in while looking for his friend. He was trying to rob the pharmacy next door and got confused.
Winner won: Indiana Jones Tix

Chris and Johnny from Coldplay call in from London!
James coordinated the call with me. *Swoon* I love British accents! These guys are VERY cool, very humble. We have been playing Violent Hill on the station for a while now...
@ HP Pavillion: July 24 & 25!

Grade Today's Show: 85% A (i make this part up sometimes...)

Today's Just the Headline: "Lance Armstrong scheduled to attend two charity balls."

Well, then.

Starbucks run. Got a freebie from the folks, cuz I said something for it taking a long time today. Granted the machine was shut down for the night. Hooray for first latte of the day!

Today's Intern: Jeremey

Emails
*Sergio - Morning Radio Sucked for him, and then the Woody Show came along. Thanks for keeping him awake. Anytime. firememusic @ Myspace.

*Vice - Indian Accent Segment. Calling the author of the email about hating the accent as "bitch." More accent-imitating defence. Brilliant.

*Boston Brian - Ravey's lover, aka Baseball game buddy. OMG more Indian accent crap. More intelligently put. Bravo Brian.

*Denise - Sarah's Question, no! Don't tell the cheating bachelorette's fiance's groom that the bride cheated... whatever. I don't liket his gray-area double-standard BS. Just don't cheat!

CUDDLE PARTIES - Newest fad at adult clubs...

This is a structured, safe way to meet people. No drugs, alcohol, sex, or nudity. OMG do NOT sign me up. Fail.

What we learn from Callers:

*NYC - mostly gay guys going to snuggle up to their best buds that are possibly straight?

*Walnut Creek - most attendees pop ecstacy, rub lotion on each other, the new age rave... nice. Doesn't it say "no drugs?" Excellent.

News & Sports:

>Clinton wins big in West Virginia... Might not mean much.

>Teens = loserville. New at-home drug trent - "Robotrippin'." DXM in cough syrup allows kids to hallucinate. It's free!

>Teens aren't all that happy - depression... Caller lets us know that it's because they don't work out that kids get depressed.

>28 year old lesbian eating dinner w/ her partner and goes to the restroom. Bouncer stops her from entering the ladie's room, "Sir, men aren't allowed in the women's restroom." She won $35,000 bucks suit. Don't be too quick to judge!

>What about hurting the baby? New Zealand... something. Long phone call. KEEP IT SHORT PPL, or I'm gonna get rude to keep you in check. Just keepin' it real.

>Money making scheme - pimped out a 12 year old daughter as a dominatrix. The mother and her BF made the girl watch porn and practice techniques. They made $80,000 off this girl, who is now 20 years old, the investigation took 2 years. Way to go.

>London convict escaped jail and came back because he'd rather live life inside than outside. They have 3 meals a day with a choice of menu, no locked cells, television, gym, pool table, and other fun things. Nice and luxurious. Life's easier in an English prison it sounds like.

>Barry Bonds: indictment. Attorney claims he is not guilty. He'd be going to a white collar cushy prison.

>A's score 12 runs or nothing at all. Last night they scored NOTHING.

>Philly Flyers are one game away from being bounced out.

>Pittsburg Penguins are kickin' butt!

>Spygate Saga is coming to a close.

>Boston Harold published and apology to the ... something.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

Dyslexic TV Themes

Winner won: Foxboro Hot Tubs Tix

*Emeryville Apple Store - Menace's friend AZN Ben. Go say hi and bother him. In a nice way.

Oh, look. Traffic and Weather. I NEVER feature this... xo

Music & Entertainment:

>Who was in jail from 8:55 am to 6:45 pm of the same day? Scott Weilan is a FREE MAN!

>Weezer - moved their June 3rd Red Album release date up by three weeks. Sweet.

>Chester Bennington - workin on an album, that's basically done. He's waiting for the perfect time to present it.

>Spring collection: Vaselle - Nordstrom

>Prime Time Tv released their Fall Season schedule. W00t. Tony RIIIIIIPS throughout the segment.

>Harrison Ford: Putting on his original Indiana Jones costume... hadn't worn it in 18 years. LOL!

Follow Ups

• Micheal Moore is preparing for more Farenheit 9/11 something something. To Greg's pure bliss. Greg calls Moore a 'hypocrite.'
• Sue Simmons (the bumper VO: "What the F- are you doing?!") from yesterday's Technical Difficulties segment. Audience and censors retort, what was she thinking? Hey, she apologized and thought that the VO was recorded and NOT live, which it was.
• Someone 413 lb prisoner is trying to sue his (lost 105 lbs in jail) jail for "starving him." Got caught giving away his food to make his claim. Now it's ALL garbage. This fool is crazy! The jail claims to feed their inmates 3000 calories a day.

Sex and Scandal

*Email of the author's friend who was dating someone who cheated on him with a married cop. The story is ridiculous. Cripes. Thanks Frank. He's not sure if he should tell his buddy. Menace chimes in that it doesn't make any difference. They're already broken up.

*BillyBob Thornton's 14 yo son: Willy Thornton is dating a 22 year old woman. TMZ website -

*Client #9 Mark Spitzer

*Ashlee Dupree - Kristin (WTF? phones.)

*Kwame Kilpatrick - charismatic Black mayor of Detroit, married with at least three chilren is accused of being involved in an affair with married Christine Beatty. He is dubbed the "Hip Hop Mayor." Transcript of his text messages with Beatty read awkwardly by a news anchor. Creepy delivery in a news-like tone makes my skin crawl... *shudder*

Happy happy story! :D

Did I miss this? "Have you heard about this?" [lolz - Jimmy of SoPark]

Guess the State (1 winner)

Wisconsin!!

Getting hammered BF and GF. the BF bet $1 his GF wouldn't shoot her 8 year old daughter. The mother took aim her daughter's leg and shot a BB gun! for a DOLLAR. What the heck? Grow up people.

Winner won: Foxoboro Hot Tubs Tix

Gott Game w/ Steve Masters - *Nerdtastic*

You can also ask Steve questions by emailing him: steve@gottgame.com
Metal Gear: hits street June 20th? Gonna go fast!!
GTA IV - can you customize your car? Steve doesn't think so...
UFC games for ... THQ what?

Grade Today's Show: 75% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Homeless food service serves hundreds, grosses millions."

Earth Quake Milk Shake

Breakfast Tuesday morning: egg roll of CPK. Krispy Kreme. VitaminWater.

Today's Intern: Sarah, Provider of Krispy Kreme, Daughter of Donuts.

Earthquake chat takes us down memory lane to the '89 earthquake and reminds Woody of the 9/11 fiasco. And so it's just disaster talk. Yay. I'm in Lala Land putzing around. Don't mind me. I'm just happy.

Emails!

• Boobs: Weird email from Amber. Amber's outside smoking a cigarette when another woman comes up to her and asks her to show her her boobs. The woman proceeds to throw the burrito she's holding and SUCKER PUNCH Amber's BFF, who is also outside... The men of WTR want to see Amber's boobs. Hip hip, hooray!
• I'm a fan, but... I love the show, but STOPPIT with the droning on and on about ratings and FIX your signal to improve ratings! (It is what it is.)
• Jamie Clay - Website: 2 million dollar baby. 19 year olds are pregnant. Don't let us abort the baby. $20.61. Adoption is not an option. WHAT'S THE WEBSITE?
• My friend was reeeeeeally drunk... Vegas Bachelorette party with male strippers, the whole shebang. Turns out the bachelorette cheated on her fiance. Should the friend (emailing) tell the bachelorette's fiance? Or not? Woody brings up how it's such a double standard for women at the bachelorette stage: "your last hoorah" vs "F him for cheating on YOU." We discover that Tony is a bit jealous of Beth's ex (and former boss?) and Beth is jealous of Tony's ex. Caller brings up how he wonders where this friend was while the Bachelorette was cheating instead of blowing the whist after the fact?

Pointless Listener Poll:
Would you like your friend to tell you that your fiance cheated on you? 85.2% Yes
(Does your significant other still own something from a previous relationship? What is it and why do they still have it?) I think it would suck if someone answered "an STD."

News & Sports:

>China's Deathtoll - raised to 12,500 people. Biggest quake since 1976 with 240,000 dead, biggest modern quake recorded.

>Temperatures in the Bay Area are rising! YAY Summer time is around the corner. 90 in the city. Go to the beach :)

>Who's happier, old or young people? We may never know...

>Be Part of Change, Don't Give Change! Looks like Ravey is an enabler.

>Flight attendent gave up her seat for a passenger, she became uncomfortable, the piot then directs the passenger to hang out in the restroom. Suffered humiliation and terror and is suing Jet Blue.

>Turn your phone off when you fly. This jack-hole was arrested for refusing to get off his cell phone for the duration of a flight. Airlines can get fined $25,000 (maybe that is incorrect figure) for even allowing a cell phone to be on while in air.

>Porn industry experiencing dip in sales, which is rare... It's cuz the internet is FREE! Hustler owns casinos (to mine and Tony's surprise).

>Sharks - Ron Wilson former coach was fired. 206 wins.

>Zeto pitched for the Giants: didn't win, didn't lose. Blah.
>A's were off last night. In Cleveland.

>NBA Playoffs: good to be the home team!

>Matt Walsh in the news: talk about spy gate. Lalalala.

>ESPN put out their first power rankings. W00t. 49'ers placed at #27. Patriots, colts, cowbows, chargers, something something. Look it up.

DumbAss Contest(0 winners)

Where do they hang?

Winner won: NOTHING!

Music & Entertainment:

>Narrow Stairs by Death Cab for Cutie - on David Letterman tonight
>New DVD's released... whatever. Go to Netflix or Blockbuster, something.

>Scott Weiland checked into jail today (?). It's ain 8 day sentence. Has a concert scheduled on Saturday, so Ravey highly doubts that he will serve all 8 days.

>Season 3 for Heros is going to be a 3 hour event

>Bad news for WB RE:speed racer which fell into 3rd place behind 'What Happens in Vegas.'

>Bringing the FRAGGLES to the big screen!

>Ryan Ross of Panic at the Disco... not really freaking out about the "poor" sales of their newest album.

Something about a woman who died or fell over board on a cruise... What? They didn't find her body.

Menace goes to an old timey gas station. It was "messed up." Guess they are charging the same prices in the system but for Half Gallons. Whatever.

Woody's Temper!

Last week, Woody lost it over some of the "technical difficulties" he experienced in the studio. Here are some clips of other professionals in the industry who lose it on air or in front of the camera:

• Bill O'Reily - "play out." Lol. Sting. Trips him up. Check out the video. LOL. Awesome.
• "What the F are you doing?" - news anchor doing a Voice Over clip
• "Don't interrupt me, I don't do your job. You are not the anchor."
• Going at it, two reports bickering into their mics right before they go live on the news!
• More anchors fighting: Good Day New York, Fox: tenant vs the in-field reporter vs the landlord vs the in studio reporter. "Do I need to teach you how to be a retporter?"

Crap on Celebrities
*Lohan keeps getting replaced. Ye Olde Times w/ Jack Black told E! that they had their differences
*The Governernator placed it on her list, that strippers would like to date.
*TO makes his official television debut on My Network Tv's 'Under One Roof' as long lost brother KRON of Flavor Flave. Wednesday at 8pm.
*Nick Cannon and Mariah Carrie raked in $2,000,000 for their wedding photos.
*Ashlee Simpson asked Jessica to be her maid of honor.
*Cynthia Nixon is a lesbian now, and wants to get married. When she was straight she didn't want to get married... Yay.

Guess the State (1 winner)
Turns into Text to be Number 1,053 to win tickets to Indinana Jones! May 20, 2008.

Celebrity Birthdays
~ Steve colbert - Dennis Rodman - Stevie Wonder - Bea Arthur - Magic Dick is 63 ~
Porno Birthdays
Which one is the 'porno birthday' - Jerry Butler or Magic Dick?
Jerry Butler featured in 518 films

Grade Today's Show: 71.1% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Die hard knitters prepare for sock battle."

Grumpy Woody Monday

Hola. I have nothing exciting to write about. Chelsea Handler was fun(ny). Mother's day was a bust, I was supposed to serve at the restaurant and make monay, but - I didn't. Mom's in Hawaii.

Today's Intern: WebCam Sam

SF Giants game is this Thursday during the day and not in the evening as we had assumed... So WTR will not make it. Booooo. I'm somewhat relieved, no one ripping on me for my fiesta behavior...
T-man Rip:
Isn't Tman just a copy cat of the Greaseman?? Just type in "greaseman" into Google. Goog it. Oh, and a caller advises us of LA's Tom Leykis. Groovey.

Emails:

*Misha's husband, Franz, often quotes WTR for being life experts... Lol. Awesome.

*Mimi: May 8th - the mess that women make... Attends a woman's college and the bathrooms there disgust her. Cripes. At UC Santa Cruz she was surprised at how much cleaner the coed bathrooms are compared to her all girls restroom.

*Ben: Stickers that say "Take it Back in '08" he had 100 made. LOL. Menace is supposed to be 'all over it.' Tony asks Menace how the Takin' it Back website is coming along. Hahahaha.

*Dave: outsourcing the Woody Show response to Rochelle who was super offended. Clever clever...

News & Sports:

>More Clinton v Obama news. Fart. Delagate and Super Delagate discussion/debate.

>Jenna Boosh got married 30 yo henry hager performed by a minister from huston and supports Obama.

>Nick Hogan is in jail, 8 months for reckless driving. Cripes. 5 seems to be the lucky number in his sentence.

>Teenaged girl from Rhonert Park is recovering from consuming a lethal consumption of alcohol. BAC 0.578 which is 7 times the thing for driving under the influence.

>Subway Sanwich with a bolt inside the bread what?

>"Legally" blind person bowls a perfect game. Not really blind-blind. Meh.

>Huge earth quake in China - earthquake of 7.8 magnitude kills 7600 people. Serious earthquake

>Giants game ends in Fight - Fight ends with Death... 18 year old fan got into an argument and after anthony Gerrado another 18 yo pushed him and beat him up and died from injuries from taylor buckly was arrested.

>Someone had their 18th kid!

>Giants took 2 of 3.

>Astro's are in town for a 4-game series.

>A's salvage one... numbers numbers.

>NBA - series Lakers and Jazz. Something about the Spurrs. Sports Fans, don't hate me.

>NHL conference finals.

>College athlete: ESPN latest star athlete what? Name is OJ Mayo. HA!

Dumbass Contest (2 weiners)

Are they older than Gory? Jennifer Lopez is!

Winners won: Indiana Jones Tix

Monday Guests: Siskel & Negro

*Check out their myspace. Yeah, I'm nice. I linked it on here.

*Discussion of putting a price tag on being a stay at home mom. There's lots of discrepancy on how to put an exact figure on what they do and how much they'd make... Ugh. (Parenting topic - you know how much I looooooove this category.)

*The modern woman is nothing like the old school woman in terms of motherhood. Mothers now treat their children more like a burden or try so hard to be a young, hip, cool parent. What happened?

*Siskel & Negro are going to be at the Punchline tonight. Check it out!! Go see them, I highly urge people to go to comedy gigs. Cuz it's my solution to hating concerts. :P Nato Green's Iron Comic...

*Iron Comic with Brent Weinbach, Monday 5/12/08
Punch Line Comedy Club

Doors: 7:00 pm Show: 8:00 pm

444 Battery Street

San Francisco, CA 94111

415.397.4337

Music & Entertainment:

>Iron Man continues to dominate the Box Office...

>What comes in a coffin? Day of the Dead Masks... Deluxe version? Cripes. Some band...

>Beverly Hills 90210 show revival thing... Bah. Jenny Garth is bringing Kelly Taylor back.

>Returning to Comedy Central - the Gong Show!! With Dave Attell. Sweet.

>Grumpy Tom Yorke... Boo! He's unhappy with Radiohead's Greatest Hits release by a label somewhere. Or something. Grump-a-frump.

Crap on Celebrities:

*Gray's Anatomy the dude from the show that left or whatever over the racism is upset because they showed him on a clip/preview of a show. Get over yourself. Sensitive people make me want to kill them.

*RKelly is getting prosecuted for the child porn of 14 counts after a 6 year delay. Yuck!

*Someone had a loaded hand gun in his brief case. It wasn't registered. Was a retired cop. Meh.

*Lohan has been dropped from Manson Girls (movie). No other actresses wanted to work along side with her. Signed on for $5000 for the role, and still ended up being dropped. Pfffft!

*Hugh Hefner wants Mylie Cyrus to be featured in his magazine when she's legal. She's FIFTEEN, dude. I love Heff, but JEEZ! That's kinda freaky.

Celebritiy Birthdays

~ Jason Biggs - Tootie - Tony Hawk - Steve Baldwin - Steven Esteves - Geroge Carlin ~

Porn Birthday

Kaylie luv Cox May 12, 1987

Grade Today's Show: 70% A

Today's Just the Headline: "[tony sings]"