Caffeine for the win. I had no idea my mom still read this blog *_* Red Bulling it up. And stuff. Katie and I happen to be quite the sleepy. I breaked the English language. For all you Menace Fans, check out his blog Menace.fm ... he's working to make it all shiny and pretty for you. I'll be posting crap up there, too, from time to time. So this is a shameless little double plug (you like that?) to check out The White Menace.
Today's Intern: (aren't you paying attention?) Katie
Jared of Subway is NOT dead. Menace gets internet/Twitter punk'd. Jaredremembered.com
Water burst through the wall in a Pittsburg museum featuring a Titanic artifacts display. Fortunately none of the artifacts were damaged.
Someone beat up 50+ ducks at a zoo in Iowa. Who does that? Some were only days old. Total sad face. Ducks are cute. Stinky, but adorable. On postcards and websites.Reminder: You can get still pregnant when you take birth control pills. Try to be nice and not trap your catch of a man into a horrible life with you by bringing a kid into the world for your selfish gain. Birth control pills are ultimately pretty bad for a woman's body. I'd just abstain, if I were you. But, I'm not you.
Love Always, Planned Parenthood.
Love Always, Planned Parenthood.
Oh and to those 17-18 girls at that Mass HS who are all knocked up - high five, slores. You're SO going to regret doing this. YOU CAN'T EVEN DRINK LEGALLY YET! Ha. But you will. You will...
Emails!*I get my first Blog hate. Did I graduate from eighth grade? Oh, I'm sorry I don't have a journalism degree from Northwestern. I actually attended a very nice high school, better than yours, attended Stanford University, & am back in college. You don't have to read this. Why don't you go buy a power tool and go drill holes in your head?
*Greg's appetite. Could be hyper thyroid?
*Greg's appetite. Could be hyper thyroid?
*Dewey of Fremont - is a Woody Fan. Hardcore listener. Do you listen whilst working? Do you, really?
*Eh? Jane Fonda is a C-word. The HISTORY of swear words. The F-word brings us to the C-word. I like the T-word (think British). Where do we go from here?
Neat ideas for creative new swear words: Muffeletta (vajeen) - KussKah (skeet skeet)- Pusscle (vajayjay) - Zaffed (F'd)- My Favorite "Shvock" (v. to fornicate, n. a poopie-head)
News & Sports:
>Some people came down, from where? The Berkeley TREES! One came down for a CIGARETTE. Stupid hypocritic hippie. The names of these branch sitting warriors: Squirtle, Dumpster Muffin, and Redwood.
>The FBI has rounded up 345 pimps and rescued children that were being sold for sex across America. One of the cities was Oakland. Hollah!
>Bang Bus! The rolling brothel - this is a for REALS whore house on WHEELS in Miami. Yes. Tony's watched a staged one in porn. Undercover cops arrest the 6 prostitutes aboard the Bang Bus. I kinda feel bad for everyone in the story...
>Death penalty - people are fighting against a death penalty sentenced to a child rapist. Many believe he deserves to die. But he did not commit murder, treason, or that other crime. Boo.
>Most underage drinkers are receiving their booze from home, parents, or adult family members. Cuz shoulder tapping SUCKS!
>Women have not adapted to casual sex. They did a study. So, it's true. Women are still somewhat uncomfortable with one night stands, and such. Meh.
>Also, lots of hate that Soccer is never mentioned on the report. Here. Read this or BUY A NEWSPAPER, watch a sports channel on TV.
>Feast or Famine night - turns out that it was a famine night for the A's.
DumbAss Contest (1 winner) Oopsies!! I'm sorry if you called when Wood and Tone said "Call Now" and I sent you away... I did not hear those two words.
What line are you on?
Winner won: STP Tix
Sexy Time Fun Facts!
Ejaculoid - Tony, the human guinea pig, has been ingesting this product twice daily. He has noticed a 15-20% increase in the volume of the "ringing of his bell." Hand me a bottle.
Vibrant Health Vitamin Center - go see Phil for bottles of this and other neat vitamins
Vibrant Health Vitamin Center - go see Phil for bottles of this and other neat vitamins
Guy was caught having sex with a PICNIC TABLE on DVD. Is going to
Japan - elderly porno sales has doubled. Yuck.
Tricking Pill - penis reduction pills... The idea is for women who are snooping around his house, she chances upon this bottle and believes that he is taking penis reducing pills.
Sexy Time Poll: What lies have you told just to get laid? (Greg's suggestion.)
- I'm a freestyle skiier
- I was a prisoner of war
- I have filed for divorce
- I am a StarTrek Trekky and dress up for conventions ALL the time
- I'm about to start my period, today's our last chance for a wh0le week
- I love you
- Will you marry me
- I'm a virgin (men) omg I fell for that
- I run 5 miles every morning
- I'm in a band (not) and she said she's head of them (hot)
- I'm on the next cast of the Real World
- Lowered Sleep Number...
- I was Hunter S. Thompson's pilot (LOVE THIS LIE - I'd want to believe it)
- That I have a BF that I'm really committed to, get them to think their getting her to cheat
- Speed Dating - caught a dude in his lie, cop patrolling the entire Bay Area
- Someone claimed to be Woody from the show (ha!)
- Husband and wife picking up chicks at a bar, this one chick is on her moral pedastal about how could a couple do this, how can a woman like other women? By the end of the night she's claiming virgin and begs him to leave his wife for her. BAM!
The 5 lies the every guy tells: (love, Glamour)
- Your best friend is AWESOME
- My best friend is having problems, I need to go talk to him
- I'm sorry
- The sex is great but let's take a quick break (he's either finished or broken a bone)
- I'm just kidding
The 5 guys that might be trying to bang your woman:
- Her "understanding" boss
- Her male Yoga instructor / personal trainer (etc)
- The stay at home dad down the street
- Her dysfunctional ex
- Your kids whatever coach
New Jersey News Dummies - A Ninja sighting caused a 2 hour lock down for 6 middle schools in the surrounding ninja-sighting area. A man dressed as a ninja carrying a large plastic sword through the woods was reported to police by a librarian of a nearby campus. Turns out it was a camp counselor heading to a costume themed day at camp. The ninja counselor was taking a short cut.
Guess the State (1 winner)
Ohio!!
Story: 41 Jeff Barrier @ Aloha Tanning Center. Decided to snap photos of some naked female tanners. Someone noticed what he was doing, called the cops, cops ask for the photos. He denied he even had a phone to take pictures. They found his camera phone ... IN HIS ANUS. Ouch.
Winner won: Nascar 09 for his Xbox 360
Grade Today's Show: 71.4% A
Today's Just the Headline: "God arrested on coke charges."
12 comments:
Hate mail? It is your spelling? You are bit creative with the spelling. I think everyone who was raised with computers and spell checkers are horrible spellers. God bless the spelling bee!
And yes, I read your blog EVERY day. How else can I discover the real Vanessa?
The sex video tape - was it with the guy with the really HUGE tool?
dont listen to anyone raggin on your spelling. look at mine for cryin out loud, and im a certifiable engineer. its the internet and i dont care about proper spelling. its not like you or anyone else online is writing a follow up to war and peace. plus you are writing the blog as the show is happening and you are answering the phones. a few spelling and gramatical mistakes are allowed.
p.s. i also get a little tired of ravey always talking about the "feast or famine" A's. reality check... they are by far the best baseball team in the bay area, and they were supposed to lose 100 games or more. i also do not believe that they have more 0 to 1 run games than the average baseball team. they do have plenty of 10+ run games. tell ravey to suck it and move back to pittsburgh where the baseball team there has only seen famine since roberto clemente died!
seriously... i love ravey... but do nto respect her views of baseball
Great Blog!! Don't listen to the haters! Your blog is awesome for everyone who misses out on parts of the show! Don't worry about spelling anyway. The human brain only reads the first and last letter of a word anyway. So if you just make sure the first and last letter are in place you're cool! If people bitch, just tell them to eat a muffalato or whatever that thing is called!
"Why don't you go buy a power tool and go drill holes in your head?"
by far thats one of the funniest things i've ever read,let alone in this blog. keep up the good work!
Love the show. Nice work on the blog Vuhnessaaahh
Hey Woody, can we give Vanessa like a segment? Ravey got sports, Greg got the news, Menace/Tony sniper in with comments and have their games, etc.
The webcasts get me through my work day and it would nice to see more of Vanessa and less of Menace's mug.
-Cliff from the 408
Great stuff. My radio is crap so I can only catch certain segments throughout the morning so I rely on the blog for the in-between stuff. Great job Vanessa! You complete my mornings. Literally
thanks for the love, all ^-^ now, who would like a 5 AM beer?
Hey Vanessa, I heard you wanted more posts so i signed on up. F the one hate mail. Your blog is fantastic and you could'nt be more cute. I called in once while mother F'n whats his name was still part of the show but he was somewhat of a dick. You are so polite and have a voice to match you r sweet face. keep up the hard work. You and Katie should have a pillow fight on eday just to see Greg collapse.
Suck it.
Anthony
S.F.
P.S. I won tickets to the Iron man advanced screening and was wondering if there were any pictures from the costume contest they had. thanks
"Katie and I happen to be quite the sleepy. I breaked the English language." No kidding. Souns like you were a translator for the original Metal Gear NES game.
5 internets to whoever gets that reference and can quote an example.
""Katie and I happen to be quite the sleepy. I breaked the English language." No kidding. Souns like you were a translator for the original Metal Gear NES game."
Uhm .... Acckah, Cookah Peekay ... "All Your Base Are Belong To Us?" Yeah, I have no idea as to what that is trying to translate to.
crack charges, the police are corrupt and can get away with whatever they want. Crack carries heftier sentences and fewer misspelled words.
"uh oh the truck have started to move"
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