TG, TG, TGIF

This morning I seem to be very thirsty. Berry thirsty.

Today's Intern: Andrea

Bah. Jam Master Jay rockin' us into the morning. Heh. It's Friday the Thirteenth. Traffic could be noticeably lighter and WORSE, cuz of all the bad accidents from the bad luck everywhere. Fewer cars on the road (from fear of Friday the 13th) = a higher chance of accidents. [This is written sarcasm, excuse me.] Actually less accidents happen.

Uh where did Friday the 13th come from? Some callers say from the Kings of France executing the knights' templar on Friday the 13th. Also that there were 13 people at the Table of the Last Supper and on Friday, Jesus was crucified. Paraskavedekatriaphobia is the fear of Friday the 13th, just so you know...

Woody's getting hated on. Today's the day, babe. So what you gonna do?

News & Sports:

>Hkjn-afdbvxo. Ljnadrsf - y89hoq3n5gaebkj!! Yay!

>Tila Tequila bisexual Myspace "star" says she's responsible for the legislation of gay marriage... really? "I think my show has helped definitely the mov't." REALLY? Wat a dumb bimbo. Where does she eat her Pho, cuz I refuse to go there, now.

>Students cooked and ate a cat on Facebook and have been banned. It was already dead. This was as a protest to the way pigs and other animals are slaughtered and killed for meat. Disappointed that the point of their protest was not understood.

>Retails increased in retails sales by this May. Biggest increase since November of last year.

>Charges dismissed against French Spiderman - "Americans have a proud tradition of something something honehonehone (my Frenchman laugh)."

>Scared straight program? Death and being alive. What?

*Shake that bear dot com

>Bear hunters. A bear chewed off a hunter's arm and groin. Then the man and bear started to wrestle and he shot the bear in the stomach. It died. They look forward to bear season again!

>Celtics - what a rally. THEY BEAT (my) LAKERS.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

Will Woody know it?

Winner won: Nascar Tix

Is Ravey sexually harassed at work?

• deliberately use sexual language dispite their uncomforable response
• avoid work because of the sexually uncomfortable charged situations
• invades your personal space by brushing up on you or inappropriate contact
• sexual advances
• denied a raise relative to sexual favors (?)

Woody's Great Semen Experiment: In honor of Father's Day (sweet)

Woody was browsing Walgreen's and passed the condom isle and spotted a product - male fertility test you can take @ home. Of course, he purchased it and tried it out. Color code reveals generally how fertile the tester is.

Phil, owner of Active Nutrition (like a GNC in SF) tells Woody about Ejaculoid. Mmmmmm tasty. Personally, I take it with my prenatal vitamins instead of eating cereal. Increases amount up to 600 times, organic, and improves oragasm and possibly taste (!!). Cripes! Makin' it rain. Tasty coconut rain.

Jen returns sunglasses from Macy's and lipstick to Walgreens. To Woody's confusion. The term for the abuse of buying, using, and returning products is "Retail Renting." Nordstrom, Costco, Khols, and Trader Joes will take back ANYTHING anytime. It's a store policy for them... weird. But don't abuse it, someone's father got BANNED from Costco for taking it to THAT level.

Music and Entertainment:

>Beck rocks. Not sure why specifically TODAY.

>Dr. Drew - apologizes for calling Tom Cruze's link to Scientology and something negative about child whatevery. The appeal to cults.

>Um...

NJ Story: 36 year old man was driving around drunk until he became sober so his mother wouldn't find out he was drunk. She found out alright when he got into an ACCIDENT from driving drunk.

Guess the State (1 winner)

Wisconsin!!

Story: Busted twice for driving under the influence in the same night. 40 minutes later. What a dip-ish.

Winner won: NASCAR tix

Movies that Make Men Cry: (*cough* poos-eye *cough*)

(Brian's Song?)

Pearl Harbor makes a male caller cry - how does Ben Affleck continue to get work? Getting.

Backdraft

Forrest Gump

Gladiator

Cave Man (girl called it in)

I Am Legend

PS I Love You

My Dog Skip (?) Tony

Saving Private Ryan

King of California (Indie movie?)

The Sporting News Top 20 Movies that Make Men Cry

Schindler's List

Frequency

Dead Poet's

Forrest Gump

The natural

Shawshank

Big Fish

Sea Biscuit

Lord of the Rings return of king

Passion of the Christ

E.T.

Green Mile

Saving Private Ryan

Pride of the Yankees 1942

Rudy

Braveheart

Brian's Song

Old Yeller

Feild of Dreams

Jan Wahl - the Hat Lady Movie Reviews:

>John Cusack in War Inc. He's hot. And Hilary Duff is in it??

>The Hulk - someone informs us that there is no neat scene at the END of the credits.

>Woody and Tony got the Pirates XXX porn for Jan to review. YAY!!

Weekly Woody Show Friday Song:
17.2% Greg's Song - Prince "Controversy"
22.7% Menace's Song - Tupac's "California Love"
21.6% Ravey's Song - Flobots "..."
11.5% Tony's Song - 311 "Do You Right"
Woody's Song - LL Cool Jay "Going back to Cali"

Have a great Bay Area weekend!