Note to pretty boys: chicks dig scars and missing limbs.

Awwww. Eating veggie fresh mozzerella sammich for break-fast. Why did I wake up with purist thoughts about my heritage? I woke up in the middle of night being especially aware of being German and being Japanese. WHAT!? I love everybuddy. Oh, and I watched American History X last night.

Today's Intern: Andrea Wellington, sister of Brenton Wellington

The show is off for a week on vacation! Today is our last day for 9 days. Be jealous.

Mark from Berkeley emailed the show a copy of an email he sent to CBS stockholders something something about the show promoting anti-Global Warming propoganda. Thanks Mark, everyone loves a poop-poking tattle-tale. BTW the video I've linked here is produced by one of my faveskies actors, Sacha Baron-Cohen, his nephew and his little online comedy team.

Drinking Stories:
>Someone dies after shooting 23 shots in 30 minutes. of what? Bacardi 151? Oh, vodka.
>Australia: A 2-foot saltwater croc was lurking outside the bar one evening. Some barflies grab the croc and tape its mouth shut and the bar proceeds to take photos with the crocodile super star then they put it in a box and carry on.
>An Australian man completely forgot he was married when he was blackout drunk in Arizona. He was informed of this marriage when he and his Hawaii girlfriend were moving to Hawaii to live.

Guess the State (1 winner):
Florida!!
Story: During a hold up, the robber was holding his weapon, a gun, by the barrel aiming the handle at the cashier. He's holding the gun backwards!! I was TOTALLY hoping that the gun went off.
*Uh, ok. The first caller answered with Florida. Woody said, "sorry that is incorrect" and moves on. Callers keep guessing states and then all that's left is Wisconsin. When Woody says, "that's incorrect" we all go kookoo cuz we've heard all 4 states guessed. Then a faux caller calls in to claim his Nascar and song, Rooster by Alice in Chains, and then the real Luis calls in. I love my job. Hooray week long vacation!
Winner won: Nascar 09 AND a song request [w00t!]

Tony's "X" marks the spot: Tony leaves early tomorrow for St. Louis. Today he's sporting a sexy large "X" on his hand which serves as a reminder that there is a note in his pocket. On this note is some chicken scratch list of things he needs to do before he leaves the state for a week. It is hilarious. He must wash his socks. And pay Lolita. Pack crayons...

News & Sports:
>Gun Law? Second ammendment.... I learn that Tony's taking Woody to a gun range for a part of his bachelor party.
>Jake, a 13 year old boy in England, hanged himself after his dad took away his nintendo Wii because his sister was already watching television.
>Jade's mother sent her to school in a shirt that reads "N the N-word."

>Battle o' da Bay this weekend. Giant's v A's
>Twins?

Music and Entertainment:
>'Wanted' looks HOT cuz the new Mia Farrow, Angie Jolie, is in it.

Jan Wahl, Hat Lady - Movie Reviews
*Wall-E wasn't really engaging for children audiences. Too sad. Wall-E is based off a bomb squad robot?
*Brittany Snow? Who the F is this?? Brittany Snow plays a perky, bubbly hooker with Matthew Broderick... Ferris for you special folk. Name of the movie? No clue. Finding Amanda. I'm sorry but ALL AMANDAS I've ever met have been crazy nut-job kooky girls.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Brooke Hogan blaming her mother, Linda, of violating uh something against Hulk Hogan. Oh, then the police report that there is no restraining order in place.
>The Hulkster is trying to back out of a $2 million home something? What. MY MIND HAS SHUT OFF.
>Drew Carrey is crazy. Sparing no expense when it comes to catering the final episode of this season's the Price Is Right. He's ordering 45 pizzas. $450 plus the cost of
>Whisper rapping. Someone, Mitchell Rose, who wrote a book entitled Mike Tyson Tried to Fight My Daddy, is claiming he invented whisper rapping. Really.
>Mini Me Sex Tape!! YAY!! Verne Troyer... Is a strange, strange little man.
>The Girls Next Door is infuriating the staff. Kendra is going at it with my HOLLY. I LOVE YOU HOLLY. Kill Kendra. I'll allow it.

Crappy Birthdays
~ Truffle Shuffle's Chunk! (I love Goonies) - Michael Vick - Toby McGuire - Joe SuperNanny Fraust - Ross Perot - John Cusack - Kathy Bates - Mel Brooks - Richard Louis - Gary Beusey - George Michael - Dynomite JJ ~
Porno Birthdays
Chenam Blanc - 40 with lots of botox
Kelly Rice - murrr?


Today's Guest: Jim Breuer is here!! You may remember him from such films as Half Baked with Dave Chapelle, American Dummy, and Crooked Lines. And from SNL! SNL rules.
San Jose Improv this weekend:
Friday 6/27 @ 8 / 10 pm
Saturday 6/28 @ 7 / 9 pm
Sunday 6/29 @ 7 pm
62 S. Second Street
San Jose, CA 95113
408-280-7475

Jim's on Sirius Satellite. If you have it, check him out. Also, please make a note that he's not high 24/7, a common mistake. Yes, he is a very funny person. And he's also funny if you're high, but he's a dad now. Things to focus on. Etc etc.

DumbAss Contest (? winners)
Breuer on Breuer - how well does Jim know his own career
In what did you play the Pied Pioneer? Yes - Hardball
Do you know who is in this photo w/ you? No - Woody and Tony
SOMETHING? Yes - Anthony Edwards
Another thing I missed? No - Talk to me
Okay... So Jim knows his own career!
Winner won: STP Tickets

Stories of BadAsses... (drunk and sober)
>FL - guy has his arm ripped out by a alligator and then gouges the gator's eyes out in the middle of the Death Roll.
>Someone had to cut off his own arm out of a combine to survive as his arm was trapped
>A man caught a 4 foot shark off the coast of Australia cuz he was drunk off vodka. YES!
>Seattle - man cut off his own fingertips to release himself from a sinking boat only to have his future son-in-law come with help moments later.
>Racoon attacks a young boy! Denise, the mom, strangled the rabid racoon to death. Go mom!

List of 14 Songs that should be BANNED from Bars: (holy taco dot com)

• Dancing Queen
• Smooth (santa and rob from matchbox 20)
• Loveshack - B52's
• Piano Man
• All I Wanna Do - Ms Crowe
• Mr. Brightside - killers
• It's the End of the World - REM
• Sweet Home Alabama - Lynard (Freebird, ugh)
• Don't Stop Believing - Journey
• Hotel California - Eagles
• I Will Survive
• Meatloaf
• Kid Rock's Bomb with the STFU
• Beatles (missed it) Woody don't laik dem either. My mom raised me to just "eh" the Beatles. "EH!!"
• #1 American Pie (ralf)
• American Songs
• Sweet Caroline
• Party like it's 1999 - Prince
• Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cindy Lauper
• Raining Men / RESPECT
• Ice Ice Baby
• Barbi Girl - Acqua
• Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
• Bad Bone
• Motley Crue
• Poison - Every Rose Has Its Thorn
• Friends in Low Places
• YMCA
• Isle La Bonita
• Celebration / We are Family
• Margaritaville Buffet
• Monay Monay
• Country Stuffs
• Twist and Shout / the Twist / SHOUT!
• Sittin by the Dock of the Bay
• La Bamba & Tequila
• Locomotion
• Shook Me All Night Long - ACDC
• Benny Benasi's Satisfaction / Right Said Fred 'Too Sexy'

Friday Song Show Down Pick of the Week:

9.6% Greg - Chemical Brothers 'Galvanize'
18.8% Ravey - National Lampoon's Vacation 'Holiday Road'
3% Menace - Play Radio Play 'Brightside' cover
Winning Tony - Outfeild 'Your Love'
23.4% Woody - 2 Live Crew - ME LOVES YOU LONG TIME!!

I THINK WE'LL MISS YOU? I KNOW I'LL MISS YOU. AND I HOPE YOU MISS ME. *TEAR*