Happy happy.Today's Intern: Wham, Bam, thank you Sam.
Chinese restuarants - Pennsylvania. The owner of Panda Chinese Kitchen wants to get his restaurant back up to code. He had a turtle in the kitchen sink where he prepared the food for the restaurant. Great. Nothing says Chinese food like turtle soup, alley cat, Mushu Dog, and Chicken Butt.
Singapore man - had a fetish of sniffing women's armpits, considered a molestation crime.
It was Tony's FIRST FATHER'S DAY. Woowoo. I TRIED to contact my Daddy, but he hates phones and my phone SUCKS. And I was at Pasta until 3:30 busting my butt for oh, $30. Fantastic. (Love you, Dad.) Brings us to customized greeting cards for dysfuntional families - "Happy Stepfather's Day. Thanks for banging my mom in this lonely chapter of her life." Callers inform me that there are inmate cards - for friends and family in jail, little greetings and messages...
Denny's is recreating their late night image to appeal to the younger, wasted demographic. New night uniforms, changing the restaurant music, and oh look, something called Potachos.
News & Sports:
>Bad day in Turlock - shot and killed by police as he kicked, punched, and stomped a toddler to death. They are still trying to determine the relation between the man and child, who are now both dead.
>Member of the Manson family wants a release from prison. Susan Atkins - murderer of then pregnant actress Sharon Tate has been diagnosed with brain cancer and has a limited time to live.
>R Kelly gets away with peeing on a young "whore" SIX YEARS AGO. Finally this stupid thing can be PUT TO BED.
>Parents of the Year: NC child was found dead. Parents tied him to a tree for being disobediant and untied him the next morning. Apparently he continued to misbehave so they tied him up again through the night and checked on him the next afternoon at around 4:30pm. That's a felony child abuse they are both facing life in prison. Brings us to Momnesia.
*LA Times: 'Biological signs you might be gay.' Do you have lots of big brothers? The more boys a mother gives birth to, the more anti-boy anti-bodies her body produces. Are you lefthanded? Tony is left handed. More lefties are homosexual. Wow. Who knew? Does the hair on your head grow in a counter-clockwise direction? Straight men tend to have a clockwise hair curve. Weird. Are you well endowed? Gay men tend to have longer and thicker penises, than straight guys.
>Lakers took game 5 last night!
>Tiger Woods doing something awesome and amazing!?
Greg Mail:
RE: Woody Show and Justin.tv ... I am really impressed and need advice, how can we get a web cam show on that like yours on Justin.tv? Thanks Greg. Love, Steve @ KNGO or something.
DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Will it Flush!? POT OF COFFEE (lolololol love Tony.)
Winner won: pfffft. Wal-E'
DumbAss Story
2 dudes in Danville (rolling on E?)* stargazing together. Before 3:30 in the morning, a woman delivering newspapers ran over them in her Nissan Sentra. LOL if anyone is going to be in trouble, it's the boys for SLEEPING IN THE STREETS in the way of cars and traffic. Plus, uh it's PITCH BLACK almost anywhere you go at 3:30 in the morning...
*For the record, the news that I regurgitate on the blog is skewed because I listen to one thing with my left (phone) ear and another thing with my right (WTR) ear. So many things fall in the cracks for that reason and that I suffer from AADD. Yay & thanks.
Josh Honne of Queens of the Stoneage verbally assaulted a fan after he threw something at him on stage. Calls him out and threatens to beat him up. With colorful language.
Music and Entertainment:
>Oh HELLO! Ravey's doing it right now, the report, not sex.
>Something about changing the world.
>Peal Jam's 3 hour set screwed Kanye West's set. He finally went on early early in the morning... booo
Toner Fight - Spud vs WTR+Greg+Menace regarding the TONER for the printer in their office... LOL hilarity follows. Heehee. MiniMoos and Toner Nazi's.
Pointless Listener Poll: "T or F - What men want women to know about them." Men's Health Magazine in response to a women's magazine and the female claim to what they think men want us to know or not.
- bare tan shoulders underrated T
- speeding now, should see me T
- don't play hard to get T
- shopping is a chore T
- don't talk to me when i'm poopin' T/F
- love my friends T
- don't be afraid to ditch the makeup T/F
- leave eyebrows alone F
- express yourself F
- I'm watching the game. Be quiet. T
- won't stop for driving directions F
- sometimes men crave hugs F
- just may lie to make you feel good T
- get upset over pointless things makes me upset T
- can tell when you're faking it T
- call just to chat at work, i'm not listening T
- chicks who buy us beer, drink it, and watch the game = hot T
- no guy wants to be "cute" T
- public random gropes are welcomed T
- woman who solves her own problems = hot T
Happy happy story!
Last month a couple in TX lost their black lab mix. They received a call that officials found their poochie. They went to pick him up, but he'd already been euthanized. Suing the county and shelter for $206,000. The shelter is changing their euthanasia policy to avoid situations like THESE in the future.
Crap on Celebrities:
>Reese and Ryan's divorce was finalized recently. Shared custody of their children. She's dating Jake Gyllenhal. He's dating some uh Australian actress....
>Hugh Hef turned 82 back in April. Pamela Anderson was naked in a cake. His three GF gave Hef chocolate body parts. Kendra's calls it her "chocolate starfish." I Love you Holly!
>Pam and Tony are living together with their children, who are happier now. For the BILLIONTH TIME.
>Kid Rock rushed to a hospital in London for stomach pains and exhaustion. Yay. "Looks like someone's gonna have a tummy ache!" Homer J. Simpson.
>Keefer Southerland just got divorced and weeks later is getting married for a third time.
>Brad Pitt? New tattoo? WHAT?! Angelina. Criptic messages.
>Shia LaDouche?
Celebrity Birthdays
(2Pac) [omg then Woody proceeds to make gunshot noises for EVERY SYLLABLE he speaks. Bam. Bam. BAM!] - Shai Le Douche - Jason Muse 34 - Gorge Bush Sr. - Jim Helewig - Lori Metcalf - Josh Jackson - Gene Wilder - MaryKate and Ashley - Steve-O - Tim Allen - Donal Trump - Ice Cube - Helen Hunt
Porno Birthdays
Mary Kerry 28 - ran for Governor against the Governator.
Tiffany Taylor 35
Danielle Rogers 41 - 135 films (wow)
Grade Today's Show: 67.4% A
This Week In Non-Sequitors: New thing. I'm not sure how to do it! Strange noises. Hilarity in it's Purest Form. Pray for a blog tomrrow; I just died of laughter.
7 comments:
Woohoo! Excelent show today. The toner fight and the Ken "The Bastard" Bastida clip made the show. We also learned 13 yo should not be allowed on the show or the web chat, although Vanessa does love little children (PEDO!). Free candy right here in my window-less van! =D
Woody paid me to leave a comment, due to Vanessa being sad that no one comments.
I loved the disclaimer about how all facts in the blog could be wrong, due to you not being able to fully listen to the show!
Awesome Blog as usual :) I totally missed the hapy happy story, thanks for posting it! I hate when I totally miss parts of the show! So if Ken Bastida is "the bastard" then what is Dennis Richmond's Nickname?
so gay guys have bigger junks? the world hates women!
josh from qotsa can do no wrong, his music is too lovely
there! my first official comment, tada!
Great show as always V, Sorry if we're not giving you the blog love but with the webcam chat, emails, and various possible forms of praise you must get, we'd just assume you didn't need more of the love here. Don't worry though, now that we know how you feel, you'll get the love.
As always a great blog. Keep up the good work Vanessa!
Are you begging for attention again, kiddo?
Post a Comment