Who is Whore Wednesday?

Last night I got really sick, a sore throat developed into a cold. I'm feeling functional and am hopped up on Tylenol pain, AM, PM, and anything else they manufacture... At least I'm here. Can't call in sick the first month of screening. Hell I've already been late. Booo.

Today's Intern: Jeremey (who BARTed it here)

How was your Earth Day? That's nice. Menace smells good today. Johnny Depp is filming a movie in Illinois, the wine there sucked so much he had to fly in wine from his French Vineyard for the duration of his filming out there. He's still hot, though. AmIright?

Hip Hop discussion rolls out of control. Nas and his "N-word" song that's currently being released. Akon also comes up because authorities called his bluff about what he claimed to be actual about his "hard life" as it turns out he served less time and faced lower charges than he raps about. *Shrug*

Vanessa's Parking Fund - We are raising money to help ease the pain of my multiple parking tickets out here at the KITS building. So far, I've racked up $160 in tickets to the city of San Francisco. Perhaps I'll even get another one, today. Wheeee! On your right there is a ChipIn widget where, if you're feeling sympathetic and generous, you can add $1 or even $200 to the fund. Whatever floats your fantastic boat. Thank you all so much! Currently at $33.26!! Almost a whole Ticket has been paid off. Love it! Love you.

Parking phone call: Broadway and Samsone towards Fisherman's Wharf on the right free parking on the 2nd block.

News & Sports
>Clinton has a big win in Pennsylvania. She won the Primary by a 10 point margin. May 6th is the NC/Indiana Primary.
>Brain farts - fact or fiction. Fact! Abnormal brain activity. 30 seconds BEFORE the actual blunder, due to a hiccup in the brain waves.
>A priest stayed aloft being tied to a bunch of helium balloons for 19 hours. He's gone missing, off the coast of Brazil. Fortunately he was wearing a helmet and thermal suit and was equipped with a satellite phone, bouyant chair, GPS is an experienced sky diver. Should be floating somewhere in the ocean.

>Sharks kick butt in Game 7. They advance to the second round. The oldest memeber steps up to the plate.
>Colorado/Detroid - more hockey
>NBA New Orleans over Dallas
>Arizona & Giants: tale of two pitchers... something about 81 years since something amazing... lol I'm SO sorry.

Music and Entertainment
>STP - will be in the studio after their reunion tour this summer.
>NBC sitcome swap: swapping scrubs and thirty rock? what is thirty rock?
>Celebrity Circus - circus of the stars... what?
>Gwennie Paltrow taking things a bit too seriously: Liv Tyler & Maggie Gylenhal. What super hero power they'd like to have. Regarding X-ray vision she replies, "there's an ethical line there you just don't want to cross."

Happy Happy Story:
Minnesota: Recently Anthony took his son, Hunter, turkey hunting. Anthony told Hunter to stay behind him, saw some movement in the brush and fired off his gun. Turns out the rustling wasn't a turkey like he thought, it was his son, Hunter. Hunter was shot in the chest and Anthony immediately dialed 911.

Dumb Ass Contest (2 winners)
What is your phobia?
Winners won: Beer Fest Tickets

WTF Stories - Creepers
*A male wore a thong doing what? Ew.
*We discover that Tony must completely remove his pants to do deed #4, and lay down a towel on his leather chair. What? Why? It just goes on and on. Check it out at Justin.tv for details. Use SOCKS, for the love of God.
*Tranny attacks an adult book store with his Geo Trakker.
*South African man makes his 100 foot long bungee cord out of condoms. He was contemplating this idea for about a year and finally constructed it. 18,5000 condoms! Did his test run and it worked successfully. Not sure what the brand of condoms used was.
*Wife attacks husband with a car? Missed it. He was locked in the trunk?
*Woody quotes Menace for claiming that Philipino women are crazy. Is "passionate" a better synonym? A Philipino woman suspected her BF was cheating and sliced off his wiener one night and doctors reattached his junk. He is not taking any legal action against her because they have 4 children and wants to keep the family together. They are not sure he will be able to function sexually ever again. I guess only time will tell.

Pointless Listener Poll
Who is a bigger weiner when it comes to being sick, men or women? Hey, I'm sick today, and I'm toughing it out. I think that's a point towards the guys, for being total whiney bitches.
*Depends on whether or not you're single.
*Guys have the vote!
*Women have a higher pain tolerance than men.
*However women tend to pull the hypochondriac for attention.
*A mother called in to describe how her newest baby was born 4 months ago, she suffered from bad back labor. Recently her daughter came home w/ strep throat and naturally everyone in the house catches it. Only her husband it whining about being miserable. And she has to take care of everyone, when I'm guessing she's suffering the most. Great! I'd ask him to shut it.
*Another caller reports working at a warehouse, puking while he continued to put parts in a stamping machine, apparently some sort of death trap. Vomit, death trap machine, and sucking it up to get paid. Well done. I don't have to handle death traps, but phones. And I'm here. Round of High Fives.

Guess the State (1 winner)
Florida!!
A man was arrested for throwing his fluids around in public. A woman punched him after he urinated on a child. He was, obviously, severely intoxicated and was unaware that he was peeing on a little boy. Yuck.
Winner Won: Tickets to STP before they go on sale

Nerd Alert: (I love nerds!)
*Mario Cart for Wii is coming out tomorrow ... in NY.
*Silent Hill is going to release another game in the future. Be sure to check out gottgame.com sometime for gaming info!

*Lazlo is in with insider info for the GTA IV that's coming out... Attention to detail. Comes out Next Tuesday for Play Station 3 & Xbox. W00t!
GTA IV Questions Galore:
[This game is SICK!!!]
For multiplayer mode, there's a free roam mode: 16 players YES and you CAN wander the entire city. There's a Cops & Crooks mode where the idea is to get rid of the Mobster leader... Sweet.
What was Lazlo's favorite GTA Project? GTA III was a nice surprise for him. And San Andreas was probably his favorite project in terms of authenticity and fun.

Grade Today's Show: 0% A

Today's Just the Headline: N/A