Note to pretty boys: chicks dig scars and missing limbs.

Awwww. Eating veggie fresh mozzerella sammich for break-fast. Why did I wake up with purist thoughts about my heritage? I woke up in the middle of night being especially aware of being German and being Japanese. WHAT!? I love everybuddy. Oh, and I watched American History X last night.

Today's Intern: Andrea Wellington, sister of Brenton Wellington

The show is off for a week on vacation! Today is our last day for 9 days. Be jealous.

Mark from Berkeley emailed the show a copy of an email he sent to CBS stockholders something something about the show promoting anti-Global Warming propoganda. Thanks Mark, everyone loves a poop-poking tattle-tale. BTW the video I've linked here is produced by one of my faveskies actors, Sacha Baron-Cohen, his nephew and his little online comedy team.

Drinking Stories:
>Someone dies after shooting 23 shots in 30 minutes. of what? Bacardi 151? Oh, vodka.
>Australia: A 2-foot saltwater croc was lurking outside the bar one evening. Some barflies grab the croc and tape its mouth shut and the bar proceeds to take photos with the crocodile super star then they put it in a box and carry on.
>An Australian man completely forgot he was married when he was blackout drunk in Arizona. He was informed of this marriage when he and his Hawaii girlfriend were moving to Hawaii to live.

Guess the State (1 winner):
Florida!!
Story: During a hold up, the robber was holding his weapon, a gun, by the barrel aiming the handle at the cashier. He's holding the gun backwards!! I was TOTALLY hoping that the gun went off.
*Uh, ok. The first caller answered with Florida. Woody said, "sorry that is incorrect" and moves on. Callers keep guessing states and then all that's left is Wisconsin. When Woody says, "that's incorrect" we all go kookoo cuz we've heard all 4 states guessed. Then a faux caller calls in to claim his Nascar and song, Rooster by Alice in Chains, and then the real Luis calls in. I love my job. Hooray week long vacation!
Winner won: Nascar 09 AND a song request [w00t!]

Tony's "X" marks the spot: Tony leaves early tomorrow for St. Louis. Today he's sporting a sexy large "X" on his hand which serves as a reminder that there is a note in his pocket. On this note is some chicken scratch list of things he needs to do before he leaves the state for a week. It is hilarious. He must wash his socks. And pay Lolita. Pack crayons...

News & Sports:
>Gun Law? Second ammendment.... I learn that Tony's taking Woody to a gun range for a part of his bachelor party.
>Jake, a 13 year old boy in England, hanged himself after his dad took away his nintendo Wii because his sister was already watching television.
>Jade's mother sent her to school in a shirt that reads "N the N-word."

>Battle o' da Bay this weekend. Giant's v A's
>Twins?

Music and Entertainment:
>'Wanted' looks HOT cuz the new Mia Farrow, Angie Jolie, is in it.

Jan Wahl, Hat Lady - Movie Reviews
*Wall-E wasn't really engaging for children audiences. Too sad. Wall-E is based off a bomb squad robot?
*Brittany Snow? Who the F is this?? Brittany Snow plays a perky, bubbly hooker with Matthew Broderick... Ferris for you special folk. Name of the movie? No clue. Finding Amanda. I'm sorry but ALL AMANDAS I've ever met have been crazy nut-job kooky girls.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Brooke Hogan blaming her mother, Linda, of violating uh something against Hulk Hogan. Oh, then the police report that there is no restraining order in place.
>The Hulkster is trying to back out of a $2 million home something? What. MY MIND HAS SHUT OFF.
>Drew Carrey is crazy. Sparing no expense when it comes to catering the final episode of this season's the Price Is Right. He's ordering 45 pizzas. $450 plus the cost of
>Whisper rapping. Someone, Mitchell Rose, who wrote a book entitled Mike Tyson Tried to Fight My Daddy, is claiming he invented whisper rapping. Really.
>Mini Me Sex Tape!! YAY!! Verne Troyer... Is a strange, strange little man.
>The Girls Next Door is infuriating the staff. Kendra is going at it with my HOLLY. I LOVE YOU HOLLY. Kill Kendra. I'll allow it.

Crappy Birthdays
~ Truffle Shuffle's Chunk! (I love Goonies) - Michael Vick - Toby McGuire - Joe SuperNanny Fraust - Ross Perot - John Cusack - Kathy Bates - Mel Brooks - Richard Louis - Gary Beusey - George Michael - Dynomite JJ ~
Porno Birthdays
Chenam Blanc - 40 with lots of botox
Kelly Rice - murrr?


Today's Guest: Jim Breuer is here!! You may remember him from such films as Half Baked with Dave Chapelle, American Dummy, and Crooked Lines. And from SNL! SNL rules.
San Jose Improv this weekend:
Friday 6/27 @ 8 / 10 pm
Saturday 6/28 @ 7 / 9 pm
Sunday 6/29 @ 7 pm
62 S. Second Street
San Jose, CA 95113
408-280-7475

Jim's on Sirius Satellite. If you have it, check him out. Also, please make a note that he's not high 24/7, a common mistake. Yes, he is a very funny person. And he's also funny if you're high, but he's a dad now. Things to focus on. Etc etc.

DumbAss Contest (? winners)
Breuer on Breuer - how well does Jim know his own career
In what did you play the Pied Pioneer? Yes - Hardball
Do you know who is in this photo w/ you? No - Woody and Tony
SOMETHING? Yes - Anthony Edwards
Another thing I missed? No - Talk to me
Okay... So Jim knows his own career!
Winner won: STP Tickets

Stories of BadAsses... (drunk and sober)
>FL - guy has his arm ripped out by a alligator and then gouges the gator's eyes out in the middle of the Death Roll.
>Someone had to cut off his own arm out of a combine to survive as his arm was trapped
>A man caught a 4 foot shark off the coast of Australia cuz he was drunk off vodka. YES!
>Seattle - man cut off his own fingertips to release himself from a sinking boat only to have his future son-in-law come with help moments later.
>Racoon attacks a young boy! Denise, the mom, strangled the rabid racoon to death. Go mom!

List of 14 Songs that should be BANNED from Bars: (holy taco dot com)

• Dancing Queen
• Smooth (santa and rob from matchbox 20)
• Loveshack - B52's
• Piano Man
• All I Wanna Do - Ms Crowe
• Mr. Brightside - killers
• It's the End of the World - REM
• Sweet Home Alabama - Lynard (Freebird, ugh)
• Don't Stop Believing - Journey
• Hotel California - Eagles
• I Will Survive
• Meatloaf
• Kid Rock's Bomb with the STFU
• Beatles (missed it) Woody don't laik dem either. My mom raised me to just "eh" the Beatles. "EH!!"
• #1 American Pie (ralf)
• American Songs
• Sweet Caroline
• Party like it's 1999 - Prince
• Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cindy Lauper
• Raining Men / RESPECT
• Ice Ice Baby
• Barbi Girl - Acqua
• Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
• Bad Bone
• Motley Crue
• Poison - Every Rose Has Its Thorn
• Friends in Low Places
• YMCA
• Isle La Bonita
• Celebration / We are Family
• Margaritaville Buffet
• Monay Monay
• Country Stuffs
• Twist and Shout / the Twist / SHOUT!
• Sittin by the Dock of the Bay
• La Bamba & Tequila
• Locomotion
• Shook Me All Night Long - ACDC
• Benny Benasi's Satisfaction / Right Said Fred 'Too Sexy'

Friday Song Show Down Pick of the Week:

9.6% Greg - Chemical Brothers 'Galvanize'
18.8% Ravey - National Lampoon's Vacation 'Holiday Road'
3% Menace - Play Radio Play 'Brightside' cover
Winning Tony - Outfeild 'Your Love'
23.4% Woody - 2 Live Crew - ME LOVES YOU LONG TIME!!

I THINK WE'LL MISS YOU? I KNOW I'LL MISS YOU. AND I HOPE YOU MISS ME. *TEAR*

This is the 51st post. You suck it.

Caffeine for the win. I had no idea my mom still read this blog *_* Red Bulling it up. And stuff. Katie and I happen to be quite the sleepy. I breaked the English language.

For all you Menace Fans, check out his blog Menace.fm ... he's working to make it all shiny and pretty for you. I'll be posting crap up there, too, from time to time. So this is a shameless little double plug (you like that?) to check out The White Menace.

Today's Intern: (aren't you paying attention?) Katie

Jared of Subway is NOT dead. Menace gets internet/Twitter punk'd. Jaredremembered.com

Water burst through the wall in a Pittsburg museum featuring a Titanic artifacts display. Fortunately none of the artifacts were damaged.

Someone beat up 50+ ducks at a zoo in Iowa. Who does that? Some were only days old. Total sad face. Ducks are cute. Stinky, but adorable. On postcards and websites.

Reminder: You can get still pregnant when you take birth control pills. Try to be nice and not trap your catch of a man into a horrible life with you by bringing a kid into the world for your selfish gain. Birth control pills are ultimately pretty bad for a woman's body. I'd just abstain, if I were you. But, I'm not you.
Love Always, Planned Parenthood.

Oh and to those 17-18 girls at that Mass HS who are all knocked up - high five, slores. You're SO going to regret doing this. YOU CAN'T EVEN DRINK LEGALLY YET! Ha. But you will. You will...

Emails!

*I get my first Blog hate. Did I graduate from eighth grade? Oh, I'm sorry I don't have a journalism degree from Northwestern. I actually attended a very nice high school, better than yours, attended Stanford University, & am back in college. You don't have to read this. Why don't you go buy a power tool and go drill holes in your head?
*Greg's appetite. Could be hyper thyroid?

*Dewey of Fremont - is a Woody Fan. Hardcore listener. Do you listen whilst working? Do you, really?

*Eh? Jane Fonda is a C-word. The HISTORY of swear words. The F-word brings us to the C-word. I like the T-word (think British). Where do we go from here?

Neat ideas for creative new swear words: Muffeletta (vajeen) - KussKah (skeet skeet)- Pusscle (vajayjay) - Zaffed (F'd)- My Favorite "Shvock" (v. to fornicate, n. a poopie-head)

News & Sports:

>Some people came down, from where? The Berkeley TREES! One came down for a CIGARETTE. Stupid hypocritic hippie. The names of these branch sitting warriors: Squirtle, Dumpster Muffin, and Redwood.

>The FBI has rounded up 345 pimps and rescued children that were being sold for sex across America. One of the cities was Oakland. Hollah!

>Bang Bus! The rolling brothel - this is a for REALS whore house on WHEELS in Miami. Yes. Tony's watched a staged one in porn. Undercover cops arrest the 6 prostitutes aboard the Bang Bus. I kinda feel bad for everyone in the story...

>Death penalty - people are fighting against a death penalty sentenced to a child rapist. Many believe he deserves to die. But he did not commit murder, treason, or that other crime. Boo.

>Most underage drinkers are receiving their booze from home, parents, or adult family members. Cuz shoulder tapping SUCKS!

>Women have not adapted to casual sex. They did a study. So, it's true. Women are still somewhat uncomfortable with one night stands, and such. Meh.

>I FEEL SUPER BAD ABOUT NOT DOING SPORTS AFTER GETTING BLOG HATE.

>Also, lots of hate that Soccer is never mentioned on the report. Here. Read this or BUY A NEWSPAPER, watch a sports channel on TV.

>Feast or Famine night - turns out that it was a famine night for the A's.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner) Oopsies!! I'm sorry if you called when Wood and Tone said "Call Now" and I sent you away... I did not hear those two words.

What line are you on?

Winner won: STP Tix

Sexy Time Fun Facts!

Ejaculoid - Tony, the human guinea pig, has been ingesting this product twice daily. He has noticed a 15-20% increase in the volume of the "ringing of his bell." Hand me a bottle.
Vibrant Health Vitamin Center - go see Phil for bottles of this and other neat vitamins

Guy was caught having sex with a PICNIC TABLE on DVD. Is going to

Japan - elderly porno sales has doubled. Yuck.

Tricking Pill - penis reduction pills... The idea is for women who are snooping around his house, she chances upon this bottle and believes that he is taking penis reducing pills.

Sexy Time Poll: What lies have you told just to get laid? (Greg's suggestion.)

• I'm a freestyle skiier
• I was a prisoner of war
• I have filed for divorce
• I am a StarTrek Trekky and dress up for conventions ALL the time
• I'm about to start my period, today's our last chance for a wh0le week
• I love you
• Will you marry me
• I'm a virgin (men) omg I fell for that
• I run 5 miles every morning
• I'm in a band (not) and she said she's head of them (hot)
• I'm on the next cast of the Real World
• Lowered Sleep Number...
• I was Hunter S. Thompson's pilot (LOVE THIS LIE - I'd want to believe it)
• That I have a BF that I'm really committed to, get them to think their getting her to cheat
• Speed Dating - caught a dude in his lie, cop patrolling the entire Bay Area
• Someone claimed to be Woody from the show (ha!)
• Husband and wife picking up chicks at a bar, this one chick is on her moral pedastal about how could a couple do this, how can a woman like other women? By the end of the night she's claiming virgin and begs him to leave his wife for her. BAM!

The 5 lies the every guy tells: (love, Glamour)

1. Your best friend is AWESOME
2. My best friend is having problems, I need to go talk to him
3. I'm sorry
4. The sex is great but let's take a quick break (he's either finished or broken a bone)
5. I'm just kidding

The 5 guys that might be trying to bang your woman:

1. Her "understanding" boss
2. Her male Yoga instructor / personal trainer (etc)
3. The stay at home dad down the street
4. Her dysfunctional ex
5. Your kids whatever coach

New Jersey News Dummies - A Ninja sighting caused a 2 hour lock down for 6 middle schools in the surrounding ninja-sighting area. A man dressed as a ninja carrying a large plastic sword through the woods was reported to police by a librarian of a nearby campus. Turns out it was a camp counselor heading to a costume themed day at camp. The ninja counselor was taking a short cut.

Guess the State (1 winner)

Ohio!!

Story: 41 Jeff Barrier @ Aloha Tanning Center. Decided to snap photos of some naked female tanners. Someone noticed what he was doing, called the cops, cops ask for the photos. He denied he even had a phone to take pictures. They found his camera phone ... IN HIS ANUS. Ouch.

Winner won: Nascar 09 for his Xbox 360

Grade Today's Show: 71.4% A

Today's Just the Headline: "God arrested on coke charges."

This stupid Gatorade bottle is peeing on ME.

I know, wtf? I have baby blue milk stains all over my baby yellow tank. Booooo. Oh, and my crotch and booty... Stupid stupid.

Today's Intern: Katie, baby

Lamont and Tonnelli turn 19! Woody re-enacts an awesome promo for their morning show on the Bone and tears stream down my cheeks. Imagine your father spittin' that hip, fresh lingo. No thanks.

<--- WARNING: THIS MAN/BOY IS NOT FUNNY. Pointless Listener Poll - Is Stuart from MadTV Funny or does he Suck?
63.9% like him. He's not funny, just so you know. You're all wrong. Yes MadTV can be hilarious, but this bit. Not funny.

Emails!
*"Blogger hottie" - Thanks Jeremy Winkles, I also answer the PHONES. High five.
*Dumpster Muffin: Dave writes in. He's from Seattle. Thank goodness there are other normal people in the Bay Area. If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? Indeed Dave, you rock.
*Jimmy participated in the weight loss challenge. Lost 35 lbs. Lookin' for a T-shirt to be a walking bilboard for the show. Yes!
*Jose - ringtones love-hate. Please post more new ringtones.
*Personal trainers make you suffer. I kind of like daht.
*Wes in Oak - needs a dead to real opinion. Been dating this girl for 6 months, totally in love with her & vice versa. She still wears her ex's boxers to bed. We highly encourage you to RIP THEM TO SHREDS and buy a new pair of the same brand. STAT! I did that when I still had feelings for an ex with these SUPER comfy kick boxing pants. I still have them, but no longer wear them...

Gay Pride!!! Hooray. Gay is Yay!!

News & Sports:
>Fire fighters of 3 states have supplied support to the Bay Area and aid our fire situation all over the Bay. Camp fire aroma stings the nostrils. But the fires are dissapating and the smell of smoke will soon fade. And I'd like to see the sun sometime this summer.
>Marijuana supporters and airports? SAFER Alternative Recreation are asking the gov't if they can smoke pot in the smoking lounges. Pot smoking aids in calming the nerves of Nervous Nilly's about to fly. The airport would run out of munchies! The Nut Cart would be out of nuts! Uh Mile High City - Denver has a MJ law? What?
>Politics something - Under the Bush administration... Conservative applicants were more accepted than the liberal applicants. Ha. Ha. Transition to allegedly news. I'm so confused. Who you know not what you know?
>Imus - defends himself the following day. He was cracking a joke but it came out the wrong way. However, he was in hot water so recently for this very exact thing, racism is a thin ice issue with him.
>Hilary - Effs herself? She's 22 million in debt!?
>Fremont - 4 stabbing victims and a gun shot victims were taken to a hospital. Sushi restaurant about 10 people were wounded. Security guard shot a girl in the leg.
>Kills herself - 42 yo woman was found in her own freezer chest. It was SO HOT. Apparently she decided to lie in her freezer to COOL OFF and ended up dying.

>One of Javon Walker's attackers were arrested in Vegas. He was apparently robbed and left on a street in Las Vegas. The other suspect is still "at large." Who says that?
>Omar Visquel - treated like a Hero for something ... he's in Baseball?
>Shaq's freestylin costs him... Shaq and Kobe are cool.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Hsd CBS banned it? Firewall in this building... Tsk tsk.
Winner won: STP Tix

Music & Entertainment:
>Coldplay. Shoot me.
>Pinhead gunpowder... Green Day's somebody's side project releases EP?
>LOVE IS NOISE! Sometimes I just type phrases I hear.
>Tribute to George Carlin. YES! HBO honors the funniest old man.
>Paris Hilton has the final word (yuck): "You should not believe the stories about me demanding someone to give me a yorkie puppy... Dogs are not accessories or toys." Yeah, thanks Pair (I call her pair for short), when did you become my mother and start explaining the difference between 'responsible' and 'irresponsible.' Go choke on some dude meat.

Who knew?
Sex stuff...
Lightening strikes 6000 times on the earth
Toothpick most commonly choked on in America
Yoyo was a philipine jungle weapon
Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
Heinz - in the 1830's ketchup was sold as a medicine
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Techy gadget thing friend - young relatively wealthy male. low level of modesty. only buy luxury brands.

Pointless Listener Poll: What is your woman's hot button? What that one thing that will always make her mad?

• Jen hates the C-word / ex-girl friends
• Calling her fat
• Talking smack about her family
• "Relax"
• Anything other than "yes," "no," and the food order from a waitress at dinner
• Doing comparisons to other people
• Bringing up other women
• She brings up how much more money she makes than he does
• Call her man "Dude"
• Tell her BF when he's ignoring her that she'll just ask one of her other BFs (I do that)
• Tell him he's being "gay"
• Katie says she's not allowed to touch the hair on his head. He uses products to style his do.

Got Game (with one T) w/ Steve Masters me love nerd stuff, long time!
New Hulk Game! Mixxed reviews.
Sweet! DS is redoing Space Invaders!
I don't even have a TV - I'm so lame. But I'm going back to school First day for me is MONDAY. Wish me luck. MoFo's.

Grade Today's Show: 82% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Man busted for giving illegal buttocks injections."

This is why you wake up.

Who kicks us off?? Yeah, this guy. Mr. Zombie.

Today's Intern: Sara-on-pain-meds cuz someone stole her wisdom toofs.

New & Improved!! Why messing around with successful products to improve them only ruins them.

Menace goes back to school for programs at the station, but the version he's learning is not what Live105 has. And they are resisting with purchasing the version he's learning. WTF?

Don't forget to play Black or old!! When you approach any Chrysler 300 guess with other passengers in the vehicle with you if the driver is a Black person or an old person?

Old people drivers: 82 year old woman ran through a security fence onto a runway at an airport.

Emails!

>WTR you are all ugly idiots.

>Phantom Pooper theory - is it the employees at the hotels where Menace cacas?

>WTF - What the heck is this 1% tax charge for universal health care? I wish I could smack someone once a day. ME TOO!!! We should start smacking people together. The idiot smack crusade! I don't have health.

>Bitches are crazy. Check it out - new hot front desk chick, they flirted, he got her number, she avoided a real date, he starts dating someone else, and she corners him and tell him she's hurt that he's seeing someone other than her. Chicks are nuts.

More side notes - Bush's 'Swallowed' and Erykah Badu's 'Honey' are STUCK stuck stuck in my head this morning. Sharing is Caring.

TAPEWORMS GALORE!!

Woody brings up how tapeworms would be a great weight loss program. We learn that it was a fad at the turn of the century up until the 20's. Also that tapeworms when they are done being a parasite in one's body, will leave the FASTEST WAY possible, even if that's your MOUTH. Ugh. I've always wanted a tape worm, too, just a coopertive one not an evil gross annoying one. I guess eat undercooked 3 world beef. Avoid the 3 world pork...

News & Sports:

>Bay Area Fires - getting help from surrounding firefighters!

>Just because it's funny doesn't mean it's not real - folks in San Francisco are voting to name a sewage system after President George W Bush.

>Dissatisfied customer goes head to head with a cook. Placing foreign objects inside a STEAK, the surprise inside - PUBES. Yes! (I hate free loaders, even if it's my nickname.)

>Imus vs Adam Pacman Jones? What. Racism results in "Oposite Day on the Imus Show." Al Sharpton jumps on this story.

>Kobe and Shaq and something someone in BEIJING. Cue ching-chong music. [I say it because I'm AZN.]

>Shaq does a freestyle clown on Kobe, asking Mr. Bryant how Shaq's booty tastes?

>Adam "Pacman" Jones would like to be taken more seriously and is dropping the Pacman now that he's a Dallas Cowboy. Who knew? I do.

Ravey's Non Sequitors Clip - Hilarious, mostly last week's potty humor.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

The impossible trivia: 1 in 6 women own more than 50 of these! Purses.

Winner won: STP Tickets

Music & Entertainment:

>Motley Crue new album, Shine Down, G Love and Special Sauce

>10,000 BC is out on DVD.

>Futurama Movie: Beast with a Billion Backs (?)

>Smashing Pumpkins recording and prepping for a tour. Gish?? Dish? Bish??

>Beck's trailer for his new album coming out soon. 7/8

>Sopranos coming out in a 30 disc pack that weighs 10 lb + 16 deleted scenes. YES!! I LOVE SOPRANOS.

>Wipe out and How I survived a Japanese Game Show premier this week!

>Celebrity Family Feud. Really? Ice-T & Coco

>Hell's Kitchen - Great show. I love to watch you cook. [fap fap]

Guess the State (1 winner)

Wisconsin!! (Pardeeville)

Story: Cokehead drug dealer sold coke, pot, and dicepham/valium to an undercover cop. When the cops went to pull her over, they couldn't find her coke stash anywhere. Chivan "crotched the blow" - was about the size of a golf ball.

Winner won: Nascar 09 for the Ps2

Stewpid Lawsuits?

HMPH.

Victoria's Secret - Thong Suit [Cue Cisco's Thong Song] A design problem on a pumpkin headed meter maid's thong caused a metal piece of the panties to pop off and fly at her face. Her lawyer makes the point that a few inches over and it would have hit her EYE!! Who cares?

Crap on Celebrities:

>Heather Mills SUCKS this story made me Not Like Her. One legged calendar?

>Gossip Blogs are going coocoo that a Comic Superstar is exploring a new persona of an openly gay man...

>Linda Hogan calls 911. The 911 operator berates her for FOLLOWING the stalker that was just at her house. Someone is at her house even though he has been ordered to stay away from her and her house. SO SHE FOLLOWS HIM WHEN HE LEAVES and calls 911. Go kill yourself.

Crappy Birthdays

Missed it. WHO ARE THESE STUPID PEOPLE?? Caller and I rant about how pathetic it is to have ppl like Heidi and Spencer and the Kardashians in our vocabulary! Really. Get out of my life.

Porno Birthdays

456 films! Sydney Cox 38 years old today.

Grade the Show: 61.4% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Pet gerbil blamed for 3 car accident."

The death of pure point-blank comedy :(

Rise and shining, Mr. Alex!

Today's Intern: Sam

RIP George Carlin - passed away yesterday at 71. He experienced his final heart attack in a hospital after he checked himself in for not feeling well :(

Pointless listener poll - What celebrity made you really sad when they passed away?
Joe Strummer
Eddie Gurrero
Dime bag Daryl
Chris Farley
Heath Ledger
Bob Marley - up until like 3 years ago, I thought he was still alive.
Steve Irwin
Kurt Cobain
John Candy
I will be sad when Hugh Hefner leaves this earth.
Uh, John Cleese is not dead...

News & Sports:
>School trip update - father refused to let his daughter go on a field trip. The daughter took him to court after the fact and the judge ruled in her favor. The father resented being undermined by the court and brought his ex-wife, the mother into the picture. Apparently the mother told the girl that she could just move in with her if her father denied her the option to go on a field trip.
>8th grade graduation - really? Is it a big deal!? Just treat it like a routine accomplishment. It's not like it's a master's degree.
>18 cops in England are busted for bragging about crashing cars and hitting pedestrians and posting videos of the accidents online.
>Internet Addiction - clinical disorder. #1 Forgetting to eat and sleep. #2 Needing more hours online and more advanced equipment to keep up with technology. #3 Actual withdrawal symptoms when away from the internet for an extended period of time. #4 Increased aggrivation etc etc from use of internet. MENACE TOTALLY QUALIFIES and is an Internet Junkie.
>Time Warner and a 60 year old woman get into it about whether or not she ordered porn 52 times on her cable in a month. She claims she did not. They claim she DID. They think her DOG ordered it?!

>BASEBALL CHAT! Giants lost.
>Infineon Raceway in the Bay - Kyle Bush got his first win on a track? What?

DumbAss Contest (2 winners)
Is it Newark or is it Fremont
Winner won: Nascar 09 Xbox 360

Who the hell is Taylor Swift?? Some country singer? What. Kinda hot, but also goofy looking... Woody admits to nohomo watching Once Upon a Prom where the winner get to take Taylor as their date to prom. SWEET!!! What a bunch of losers.

Men's Health lists the top 10 WORST DRINKS EVER. Woody rattles off names and calories of drinks that people snack on in the heat. Baskin Robins + Heath Bar for the win. McDonald's thrown in there, too.

There's a Phantom Pooper in the men's room at the station. Greg goes to investigate the story that Woody and Menace have to tell about how stinky and floaty it is. Greg flushes before he almost pukes.

Music & Entertainment:
>George Carlin's ode -
>Love Guru kinda sucked it at box office
>Li'l Wayne kicking butt. Stupid Colplay and Offspring news. UGH!
>Nice - Judas Priest release something in the top 10 for the first time since big hair was "in."
>PETA votes on something in the celeb realm. Lame. Raising children vegan? Shudder. Real humans eat meat.
>Little Boxes the song of Weeds makes the M&E Report...

Slump Buster. Cheers!

Pointless listener poll - What have you said you'll never do, and turn around to end up do anyway?

• Woody spends $3200 on a watch. Open a credit card 20% off! YES!
• And getting remarried, for Woody.
• Greg is now open to the tattoo idea. And never thought he'd shrug off loads of money donated to uh, Vegas.
• Menace - get back with an ex again. Three times.
• Ravey - become involved in the gaming revolution. Now owns every console.
• Leave floaters in the potty
• Sleep with an ex's arch nemisis
• Fear of heights - careers in scaffolding
• Spend $$$ on car stereo - $5000 later

Menace Dot FM has a bunch of awesome CRAP!!!! HOORAY go Menace :D
Nelly/Green Day Mashup is there
Katy Perry Fotos from Warped Tour
Weezer's Hootenany sound clips are up and running. The Pork and Beans song sounds GREAT. I thought it would sound like kindergarten for grown ups, but it's SO MUCH BETTER!

Weezer Hootenany Contestants was on LIVE105.com. Oops. Link here now.

*On a side note ~ here's a cute poop blog site I came across. Makes me laugh. Reminds me of lolcats for poop.*

Crap on Celebrities:
>London Heathrowe Airport - Naomi Campbell throws a fit AGAIN
>Jamie Lynn Spears moves with her baby and baby daddy to their new home 2 days after the baby was born. She's 17 years old.
>Queens of the Stone Age's Johs Homme is NOT homophobic. Censorship conversation.
>Amy Winehouse gets emphysema. Druggie pays a price! Apparently it means SEVERE DIFFICULTY BREATHING. But, hello, she smokes CRACK. I don't feel so bad. I like her sound. but we have Duffy now. Thanks.

Crappy Birthdays
~ Duffy - Selma Blair (I LOVE HER) - Jos Weeden (?) - Randy Jackson - Clarence Thomas ~
Porn Birthday
Dominique Simone 292 films = 37 years old

Grade Today's Show: 60% A

Week's End

Egg salad sammich, anyone? I think this floor is haunted... I keep shadows moving on the walls out of the corner of my eyes.

Today's Intern: Andrea

A "fire foot bag" - is a hacky sack on fire.
Dumpster Muffin whacko video linked here.

Someone spent $$ to buy a piece of toast with an image of Howard Stern on it? Really.

News & Sports:
>Croatia - Hedwiga sat down drink tea and watch tv. She died there and her body was found 42 years later.
>Cyber Arch - IT tech study discovered that a percentage of those with access to sensitive data will access it just out of curiosity.
>17 girls all under the age of 16 made a pact to become pregnant in order to have their babies at the same time and raise their children together. One of the girls was so desperate she turned to a 24 year old homeless man for his ... seed.
>Want free gas? Drive a bilboard!
>Mother in Czech Republic had two boys in the basement. Neighbor discovered feed from a video of these poor boys. Apparently the mother and sister tortured the poor boys by burning them with cigarettes, cutting chunks of their body and feeding the chunks to other family members, and forcing them to eat their own vomit. WTF?
>Sex offender moves into his uncles house. Was convicted of molesting 5 year old girls. One of the women in the neighborhood decided to welcome him to the community by beating him with a metal bat till his arm broke.

>Charles Barkley heads BACK to Las Vegas. It's been a month since he's sworn Sin City off, but it's "for charity." Yay.

Get ready for New Orleans' Voodoo Experience!
Oct 24/25/26

Weezer Hootenany - Links to the um contestants. My head is far away :(

Pointless Listener Poll: What's Worse? Mama's Boys vs Daddy's Girls
Traditional 1950's Gender Rolls - A Daddy's Girl may be needy but women traditionally are portrayed as less independent. But Mama's Boys are the absolute WORST because they resemble Daddy's Girls in that they, too, are needy and dependent and incapable. When it's a more agressive, proactive, capable MAN who can provide and bring home some bacon that women look for. That to me is the difference and how i justify and support Daddy's Little Girls. Plus chicks who spend time with their fathers sometimes walk away with cool knowledge like an interest in sports or cars. which is a plus.

Mama's Boys take the cake. Daddy's Girls, try to tone it down a little bit.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Spelling Bee with a Twist
Winner won: Warped Tour Tix

Music & Entertainment:
>Get Smart (I'm SO upset that Steve did this movie cuz i LOVE HIM and it looks like a movie made of caca) comes out today.
>Guru of Love with Mike Meyers... looks tired already. But perhaps it's funny... who knows?
>Weezer something. Uh. You can check out the contestants for the Hootenany are online. Somewhere.
>Oscar
>Steve Carrel - Didn't want to end up doing an impersonation of whomever.

Reality Shows and Game Shows:
Unbeatable Bonzuke
Most Extreme Elimination
Ninja Warriors

Some awesome brainstorms for future shows are listed below:
Hurl - who pukes first?
Suicide - can you really kill yourself? 2 years, $2 million, however and wherever you want. If you don't, we will do it for you.
Bumprentice -
Survivor Retards -
Jump -
Midget Security -
Death Rowe Blood Bath -
God Gyped -
Who wants to fight their Boss? -
Midget hunting -
Will it float? -
Digging up the Stars -

Jan Wahl the Hat Lady - Jimmy Hats Today
*Get Smart - a remake of the 1965 Mel Brooks and Barbara Feldon. HORRIBLE. So boring, Anne Hathaway bores the audience. Steve Carell looks BORED. Etc etc. No thanks.
*Love Guru looks like CACA
*Pirates (xxx) - Jan's First Porno Review!
Useless sex!! The woman is boring, vapid, and Barbie Doll. Jan admits she likes to be able to put herself there when she's watching porn and it's difficult to achieve that when the sex is boring and the woman looks like she's like a million miles away. Wasn't sexy enough - 1/2 a Jimmy Hat. She was impressed with the costumes, the CGI, the effort on the men's part to be in period YARRRRR. But she was turned off by the stupid girls who were uninterested, unengaged, Valley girl "whatever" Barbi blondes that all look alike.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Billy Ray Cyrus claims that he was unaware that the photo shoot would have Mylie strip down and wrap her in a blanket (ugly photos, btw) - the more you stomp and poop the more it stinks. WTF?
>"You're an F'ing Liar. F you. FFFFFFFFFFFFF BOMBS and an N word," Chalie Sheen to Denise Richards in a voice mail.

Crappy Birthdays:
*Meredith Baxter - Carson Daily - Cindy Lauper - Nicole Kidman (who I HATE)*
Porno Birthday:
*Missed It - 29
*Randy Spears - He Whore over 1,000 porns.

Weekly Woody Show Friday Song:
18% Ravey - NERD 'Spaz'
Menace - Green Day/Nelly (Mashup) 'Grills'
25% Tony - Primus 'Tommy the Cat'
% Greg - Salt 'Bluster'
19% Woody - Kanye West 'Gold Digger'

HAVE A GREAT BAY AREA WEEKEND & SUCK IT.

Porn that goes well with Comedians and Soy milk.

Meh.

Today's Intern: Katie!

News & Sports:

>UC Berkeley - being indecisive? We meet Dumpster Muffin...

>Truck driver takes a new truck for a test drive, swings by a nearby bank to rob it. The car salesman gets suspicious and calls 911 to bust the idiot. Vic calls in with a story about how someone robbed a bank in a cab as his getaway, heads to the mall and the same cab picks him up and busts him.

>Some people are now checking Google Earth to find homes with pools to show up for an uninvited swim. They are called "dippers" and it is illegal to go to other's home, I believe the term is "trespassing."

>ASSININE

Today's Phone Guest #1: Kathy Griffin
Sleep Train Concord Pavillion

Saturday July 12th - 8pm show

Her show on Bravo kicks off Season 4 on June 12th.

Apparently, Kathy is a Homo Hero. I kind of knew that... She still considers herself a D-list actor. Something horrible happened to her right eye after she received lasik surgery.

Today's Phone Guest #2: Michael Leahy, Author of Porn Nation

Describes his battle with an addiction to porn. He lost his job and wife over his severe addiction to pornography. I think his book, Porn Nation, addresses the seriousness this addiction

Sexy Time Fun Facts:

7 signs that you are addicted to pornography:

1. partner isn't as social as they used to be
2. isn't as sexually responsive as before
3. dirty talk , rough sex, or porn styles suddenly make their way into the bedroom
4. emotionally distant
5. complaints about your appearance
6. too much time on the internet for porn
7. defensive about porn

We think Tony qualifies as "porn addict." We know lots of porno addicts. Hell I was just living with one!

The "eff raffle" - wow for a Penny you can buy a raffle ticket fraffle.net to band a porn star. WHAT? She's going to have sex with 10 winners, the stipulation is you must agree to having sex on film.

Sexy Time Fun Poll:

What was your most embarassing moment invovling porn?

• Greg: was at a hotel in Carmel, with a camcorder back in the day, hooked it up to the tv monitor. Greg records himself giving a warning to any accidental viewers who may have chanced upon that particular tape. About 20 seconds into the recording, Greg freaks out and stops the tape, records
• parents grabbed the wrong video at a family gathering during his fiance's meet & greet the family visit...
• mom discovers dirty photos of her eldest son's porn stash on the family computer
• Ravey gets caught by her brother!?!?
• College dorms, roommate walks in at the most inoportune time, and he quickly flips over (think Gramma's Boy) on his stomach and tell his roommate the he was "sick." Sits in his "reverse superman." EW!
• Woody tells his 1 sock story. Mom asks why are you wearing only one sock?
• Visual aids in HS english class ends with a classroom full of very tight pants.
• 7/8 grade watching porn at a friends house. Parents walk in and they rip out the VHS tape, breaking the machine.
• 6 buddies having a little pow wow watching a video when the house mom walks in on them, buck naked, experiencing The Feeling. Everyone's mothers were called. The caller lived with his GRAMMA. :(
• I don't have an embarassing experience. Just a possible tape out there... Don't look at me, I destroyed my tape.

Cereality of Santa Cruz is here!! Feeding us cereal. I'm not a fan of cereal... but this is taking it to that next level. Fancy cereal. My father TOTALLY ruined cereal for me, for starters I HATE milk and then to wake up to a bowl of soggy rice KRISPIES kinda destroyed any joy out of cereal love I may have had.

1315 Pacific Ave
Santa Cruz CA 95060

This morning I chowed on Frosted Flakes, blue berries, banana slices, and plain Soy Milk. YES! this combo is cereal I can Digg. Totally. I proceed to flip my slurp spoon out of my cereal box and fling soy milk into my hair lalalala. I'm an idiot.

Hmmmm ~ WHEN IT'S A GOOD DAY, THE PHONE IS OFF THE HOOK. AND THEN, THE BLOG SUFFERS. DOWNLOAD TODAY'S SHOW AT JUSTIN.TV/THEWOODYSHOW. KTHANKSBAI.

Grade Today's Show: 59.1% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Mr. Dingaling accused of raping 13 year old girl."

Lardy lard.

Nothing cool to report. Woke up energized etc. Woowoo - happy Wednesday. Little hungry.

Jealous: Menace hopped in the elevator with Mos Def & Dave Chapelle. Luckeeeeeeeee!

Today's Intern: Sarah, do you dare-uh

The Bay Bridge had a Jumper this morning since 2:30 am. Drove by that and saw cops and firefighters talking to him... Yes! I say, "jump." But that's just me. 6:57 we're informed that the jumper was taken down off the ledge by police and Caltrans.

Dean's Mustache Fiasco - Tony draws mustache. Dean cries. Tony continues to draw mustache. Deans cries continue. C is for cookie. And we all fall down.

Strange Baby Stories:

*A 2 year old boy, Martin, was lost in an Indiana Walmart with a note from his other. His family came to the US and his father left two months after they arrived. His mother left him at Walmart in the hopes of a family finding him and taking him home. He is now in foster care. Officials are trying to find his family, however it's clear that his family doesn't want him... Boo.
*11 year old girls are getting microdermabrasions and bikini waxed. On average 1/5 customers at spas are now prepubescent girls. Bad female mental health rooting from the pressure to look a certain way by society's standards (yadda yadda yadda).

*A 16 year old girl is struck by lightning; the electricity ran through her body and shot out of her fingertips which took out the electricity in her home. Her mother rushed her to the hospital and nurses inform her of how lucky she is. They buy a lotto ticket and win $20.

*Heel-larious high heel crib shoes for babies up to 6 months old. WTF - they can't even walk!! Stupid idiots designing infant heels.

*Update: She was not guilty because of insanity. A year later, she's requesting a leave from the mental hospital. November of last year police found her soaked in her child's blood, singing a hymn, after she chopped off her baby's arms. Wow.

At the break we chow down on one of four types of cupcakes from That Takes the Cake. The ladies munch on a delicious coconut dusted cupcake, while Woody tries a peanut-butter and chocolate cupcake, then there are chocoale Suck It cupcakes and plain vanilla looking ones. I'm not one for cupcakes, I have Ravey, but these hit the spot. I'm not hungry and now have a sugar high. Who wants a hug?

News & Sports:

>Al Gore's mansion has been modified in efforts to lower his energy waste, but somehow after all the modifications his energy consumption INCREASED. The irony?

>Brain scans of straight men v gay women and straight women and gay men. Turns out there are similarities between the straight men and lesbians and between straight women and gay man. Huh.

>Thousands of gay marriages in the next couple of months. Clerks are saying something weird and confusing about performing the ceremonies?

>UC Berkeley putting pressuer on the tree sitters... meh. Chris calls, "Why don't they just cut a hole in the trunk and poison the tree. That way instead of "cutting" them down, they'll fall and then no one can live in them!

>Lakers lost to the Celtics? I make this all up. There isn't even a team called the Celtics.

Gott Game w/ Steve Masters! (I tried Grace's number earlier, but no answer.)
Madden 09! Sweet.
Nerd chat - although I thoroughly enjoy nerds, it's kind of like car talk and sports talk to me. My eyes glaze over and I'm moments away from toppling over and off my chair like a moron.
You can always email steve with questions: steve@gottgame.com

Music & Entertainment:

>Coldplay FREE CONCERT. There was one. End of story.

>Weezer played first Hootenany in Arizona? Weird. This still is a little mystifying. I GET IT I'm not a moron I just... HOW DO YOU WIN IT?

>Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas - beer loving Canadian brothers. Animated adventures of Doug and Bob McKenzie. Uh, Strange Brew, and all that, eh?

>Final Word: M Night Shyamalan. Something drab about his new film, The Happening. SIXTH SENSE WAS HIS ONLY GOOD MOVIE. STOP MAKING MOVIES M KNIGHT. WE LOVED YOU BUT YOU'RE REALLY PUSHING IT.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

Ted Kennedy Tumor Theatre (ahahahaha) Answer: Ghost Busters. I knew it only because I saw Be Kind Rewind last night and their remake of Ghost Busters was HILARIOUS!

Winner won: Wall-E

Happy happy Story! AKA Who Friggin' Cares?

April 22 - San Jose. Three falcon chicks hatched in their City Hall nest. "May and Mercury." Students that named the chicks were being honored at the City Hall. One of the chicks decided to take flight and slammed into a building wall. Lame. Totally turned into a "Who Friggin' Cares Segment."

Allegedly news:

>A man commands his pet python to attack 2 officers. Who knew that snakes won't follow your human orders...

>Match.com - 1 in 11 personal ads are plagerized. Uh, hello?

>Drivers that decorate their cars are more prone to road rage.

>Coworkers have one annoying habit that makes you hate them.

>Uh. According to a RESEARCH study by the University of Penn, those who make $150,000 a year are happier than those who make $15,000 (like me).

Caller #105 WINS! Weezer Hootenanny tix. Hey and the secret location is!!!

Today's Guest: Kevin Rose of Digg

What IS Digg? It filters up the information that the masses "digg" is cool and worthwhile data is on the front(er) pages at the site. Check it out, if you haven't already. It makes sense to me now. It's been explained to me only 6 times. I guess it took Kevin to explain it in tard terms for me to get it. I get it and DIGG IT! (You can kick me for the lame pun.)

Digg Nation - (not Dig as in "digital" Nation) with Kevin and Alex Albrecht

New episodes every week and released on Wednesdays. Check it out!

Today's Pointless Listener Poll: Who's Worse? Mama's Boys or Daddy's Little Angels
As a Daddy's Little Princess myself, I TOTALLY think that Mama's Boys are WAY WORSE. It's like having a gay straight manbaby on your hands. Ugh. At least having a chick with male interests like sports or cars is kinda hot. We never got to this today :(

Grade Today's Show: 69.9% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Woman receives a 9000 pound electric bill." [huh?]

Go back to sleep.

Starbucks ROCKles my SOCKles. Green tea latte for this morning's first win.

Today's Intern: Care Bearah Sarah

IRS SPAM/Phishing email... Ravey's received it TWICE in the past week. Do NOT be fooled. The IRS should have all your information, you should not have to provide it AGAIN. Esp right after tax seasons. Thanks.

Tim Russert passed away. Tom Brokaw sheds a tear. Woody cracks a smile. A caller advises that wikipedia was the first to announce his death... curious, how does the internet know before the tv announces it??

XM - Sirius satellite radio merger is coming up! 20+ channels geared towards minorities will be offered for free. Howard Stern makes a good point: when the Exon merger occurred the company didn't offer free gasoline to minorities. The concept is that satellite radio is a luxury and if you can't afford it, you simply cannot afford it. Why do minorities need this service?

Baby Menace, "blood." It's supposed to be funny, not an PSA of child abuse, please people.

Emails!
*David Beckham @ Men's Macy's soon. To Ravey's delight.
*Ian - old fart of your demographics... Lose the signal in Walnut Creek, Greg. Go do something about it! (Greg grabs hammer.) We are about to get 60 more watts. Rejoice.
*Candice - Danville teen stargazers: her husband was on the job when the boys were brought in the hospital.
*Shower radios are dangerous.
*Jackie, Beetle, writes in for an animation suggestion: Tony's bad experience with Ross.

News & Sports:
>Gay marriages! 5:01 pm they started to wed same sex couples in San Francisco. Hooray! Phillis Lyon and Del Martin got married!
>A Florida woman got fired from her job at a restaurant for LAUGHING. She admitted she had an odd laugh, but to lose her job over laughter seems a bit much. She has no case against him as FL is an at-will employer state so her boss had every right to fire her over the noise her voice box was making.
>Sticking it to smokers. The tax on smokers in NYC at the highest in the nation: $2.75 per pack. Hoping that it will encourage smokers to quit.
>St. Louis Home Depot, about a year ago, a man tried to get off the toilet seat, his butt was glued to the seat. He has finally decided to sue Home Depot.
>Al Gore has endored Barak Obama. America needs change. Have you been to the city lately? "Spare some change, ma'm?"

>The Giant's break thru! Seven tries but finally beat an American League team.
>Ketchy Yabu?
>Mets fired manager Willy Randolf. Bench coach is now taking over.
>Tiger Woods does something to make golf news. Awesome sudden death playoff. Tiger won his 14th championship! Incredible, riveting golf stuffs.

Happy Happy Story!
Animal tragedies abound. NYC 57 YO bronx 2 boston terriers for a walk - was about to load the dogs in his car when a street sweeper came by and sucked up and killed by a street sweeper.

DumbAss Contest (2 winners)
I'm going with C, but that's just me
Winners won: Wall-E

Music & Entertainment:
>Viva la Vida - this is STILL making news? REALLY? I love Coldplay, bunch of great guys. America loves Britain and their ppl. Awesome. We get it, new album. New songs. Lalalala.
>Offspring - back again. And STILL in the stupid news. I'm kicking Coldplay and Offspring simultaneously. GO AWAY!!
>Katy Perry - album release "For the Boys"
>BE KIND REWIND & SUPER HIGH ME out on DVD.
>Metalica has selected "Death Magnetic" to be their new album name. No song titles yet...

Retards in the News:
>24 years old. Husband #1 divorces after 10 days leaves her for her mom. Husband #2 is a stand-in cuz fiance #2 ditches her at the alter while she is 8 months pregnant. Husband #3 was already married to someone else when they got married. Husband #4 cheated on her and she popped the question to HIM taking him back and claiming that he's the love of her life. Husband #1 walked her down the aisle for husband #4 because he's not married to her mother.
>Man somehow breaks a restaurant window, running down the street with their pants pulled down.
>Seniors taped a vandalism prank hoping to get on MTV, their hit show "High School Stories." Caused over $10,000 worth of damage.
>Woman tells cops that she had been assaulted for 45 minutes, the boyfriend walks by with their 10 month old baby and HURL the infant at the police and ran away.
>Gangster babies? Gang Christening. Iron? Latin Kings and Queens.
>Wanna be gangsta idiots. Two men get into a fight over having the same gangster nickname. C-Thug. They start a brawl on a woman's lawn and she settles the fight by STABBING one of the C-Thugs, who is then rushed to a nearby hospital. The fight came to a screeching halt as the stabber woman is declared the true C-Thug.

Guess the State (1 winner)
Pennsylvania!!
(Gay) Story: Lesbian love is a beautiful thing. Apparently not everyone agrees: 61 year old Joyce walked in on her 16 year old grand daughter having a lesbian experience with a 16 year old neighbor girl and Joyce proceeded to beat her granddaughter with a cane and then a belt. The 16 year old ended up in the hospital following her grandmother's rage and abuse.
Winner won: Warped Tour Tix

Smart Cars. = so cute and tiny. Old lesbians seem to drive these cars the most, in SF. Ugh don't get me started on why gas prices in Asia and Europe are DIFFERENT than the US prices... I'll let you do your own research. [xo]

Crap on Celebrities:
>Nick Hogan related voice mail: threatening messages made public by Frank Caruso left for the Hogan family by the father of the son who was injured in the car accident.
>Golf what? Sean Connery threw his back out whilst playing golf?
>Weeds!! Back on SHOWTIME yayayayayayayay. One of my Sopranos replacements...
>Britney Spears will not be charged with running over a paparazzo's foot.
>Leo DiCaprio will star in 'Atari' YES of the video game console. Yay.

Crappy Birthdays
~ venus williams - will forte - greg kinnear - joe piscapo - barry manilo - newt gingrich ~
Porno Birthday
*Nautica Thorn Hawaii prostitute. Yuck. Is 24
*Christy Canton with all natural cans. Is 42

89.7% of listeners are for Tony putting a mustache on Baby Dean's adorable little face.
Ravey is totally NOT for it.

Grade Today's Show: 56% A

Just the Headline: "400,000 black balls save LA resivoir."

Munday Twosday, Happy Day!!

Happy happy.

Today's Intern: Wham, Bam, thank you Sam.

Chinese restuarants - Pennsylvania. The owner of Panda Chinese Kitchen wants to get his restaurant back up to code. He had a turtle in the kitchen sink where he prepared the food for the restaurant. Great. Nothing says Chinese food like turtle soup, alley cat, Mushu Dog, and Chicken Butt.

Singapore man - had a fetish of sniffing women's armpits, considered a molestation crime.

It was Tony's FIRST FATHER'S DAY. Woowoo. I TRIED to contact my Daddy, but he hates phones and my phone SUCKS. And I was at Pasta until 3:30 busting my butt for oh, $30. Fantastic. (Love you, Dad.) Brings us to customized greeting cards for dysfuntional families - "Happy Stepfather's Day. Thanks for banging my mom in this lonely chapter of her life." Callers inform me that there are inmate cards - for friends and family in jail, little greetings and messages...

Denny's is recreating their late night image to appeal to the younger, wasted demographic. New night uniforms, changing the restaurant music, and oh look, something called Potachos.

News & Sports:
>Bad day in Turlock - shot and killed by police as he kicked, punched, and stomped a toddler to death. They are still trying to determine the relation between the man and child, who are now both dead.
>Member of the Manson family wants a release from prison. Susan Atkins - murderer of then pregnant actress Sharon Tate has been diagnosed with brain cancer and has a limited time to live.
>R Kelly gets away with peeing on a young "whore" SIX YEARS AGO. Finally this stupid thing can be PUT TO BED.
>Parents of the Year: NC child was found dead. Parents tied him to a tree for being disobediant and untied him the next morning. Apparently he continued to misbehave so they tied him up again through the night and checked on him the next afternoon at around 4:30pm. That's a felony child abuse they are both facing life in prison. Brings us to Momnesia.

*LA Times: 'Biological signs you might be gay.' Do you have lots of big brothers? The more boys a mother gives birth to, the more anti-boy anti-bodies her body produces. Are you lefthanded? Tony is left handed. More lefties are homosexual. Wow. Who knew? Does the hair on your head grow in a counter-clockwise direction? Straight men tend to have a clockwise hair curve. Weird. Are you well endowed? Gay men tend to have longer and thicker penises, than straight guys.

>Lakers took game 5 last night!
>Tiger Woods doing something awesome and amazing!?

Greg Mail:
RE: Woody Show and Justin.tv ... I am really impressed and need advice, how can we get a web cam show on that like yours on Justin.tv? Thanks Greg. Love, Steve @ KNGO or something.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Will it Flush!? POT OF COFFEE (lolololol love Tony.)
Winner won: pfffft. Wal-E'

DumbAss Story
2 dudes in Danville (rolling on E?)* stargazing together. Before 3:30 in the morning, a woman delivering newspapers ran over them in her Nissan Sentra. LOL if anyone is going to be in trouble, it's the boys for SLEEPING IN THE STREETS in the way of cars and traffic. Plus, uh it's PITCH BLACK almost anywhere you go at 3:30 in the morning...

*For the record, the news that I regurgitate on the blog is skewed because I listen to one thing with my left (phone) ear and another thing with my right (WTR) ear. So many things fall in the cracks for that reason and that I suffer from AADD. Yay & thanks.

Josh Honne of Queens of the Stoneage verbally assaulted a fan after he threw something at him on stage. Calls him out and threatens to beat him up. With colorful language.

Music and Entertainment:
>Oh HELLO! Ravey's doing it right now, the report, not sex.
>Something about changing the world.
>Peal Jam's 3 hour set screwed Kanye West's set. He finally went on early early in the morning... booo

Toner Fight - Spud vs WTR+Greg+Menace regarding the TONER for the printer in their office... LOL hilarity follows. Heehee. MiniMoos and Toner Nazi's.

Pointless Listener Poll: "T or F - What men want women to know about them." Men's Health Magazine in response to a women's magazine and the female claim to what they think men want us to know or not.

1. bare tan shoulders underrated T
2. speeding now, should see me T
3. don't play hard to get T
4. shopping is a chore T
5. don't talk to me when i'm poopin' T/F
6. love my friends T
7. don't be afraid to ditch the makeup T/F
8. leave eyebrows alone F
9. express yourself F
10. I'm watching the game. Be quiet. T
11. won't stop for driving directions F
12. sometimes men crave hugs F
13. just may lie to make you feel good T
14. get upset over pointless things makes me upset T
15. can tell when you're faking it T
16. call just to chat at work, i'm not listening T
17. chicks who buy us beer, drink it, and watch the game = hot T
18. no guy wants to be "cute" T
19. public random gropes are welcomed T
20. woman who solves her own problems = hot T

Who is Ken the Bastard Bastida? Greg apparently loves him... He announced that Dana (King) was out last night, and then proceeded to read his teleprompter news story making it sound like Dana was murdered and then set on fire. Link to video and article is up above.

Happy happy story!
Last month a couple in TX lost their black lab mix. They received a call that officials found their poochie. They went to pick him up, but he'd already been euthanized. Suing the county and shelter for $206,000. The shelter is changing their euthanasia policy to avoid situations like THESE in the future.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Reese and Ryan's divorce was finalized recently. Shared custody of their children. She's dating Jake Gyllenhal. He's dating some uh Australian actress....
>Hugh Hef turned 82 back in April. Pamela Anderson was naked in a cake. His three GF gave Hef chocolate body parts. Kendra's calls it her "chocolate starfish." I Love you Holly!
>Pam and Tony are living together with their children, who are happier now. For the BILLIONTH TIME.
>Kid Rock rushed to a hospital in London for stomach pains and exhaustion. Yay. "Looks like someone's gonna have a tummy ache!" Homer J. Simpson.
>Keefer Southerland just got divorced and weeks later is getting married for a third time.
>Brad Pitt? New tattoo? WHAT?! Angelina. Criptic messages.
>Shia LaDouche?

Celebrity Birthdays
(2Pac) [omg then Woody proceeds to make gunshot noises for EVERY SYLLABLE he speaks. Bam. Bam. BAM!] - Shai Le Douche - Jason Muse 34 - Gorge Bush Sr. - Jim Helewig - Lori Metcalf - Josh Jackson - Gene Wilder - MaryKate and Ashley - Steve-O - Tim Allen - Donal Trump - Ice Cube - Helen Hunt
Porno Birthdays
Mary Kerry 28 - ran for Governor against the Governator.
Tiffany Taylor 35
Danielle Rogers 41 - 135 films (wow)

Grade Today's Show: 67.4% A

This Week In Non-Sequitors: New thing. I'm not sure how to do it! Strange noises. Hilarity in it's Purest Form. Pray for a blog tomrrow; I just died of laughter.

TG, TG, TGIF

This morning I seem to be very thirsty. Berry thirsty.

Today's Intern: Andrea

Bah. Jam Master Jay rockin' us into the morning. Heh. It's Friday the Thirteenth. Traffic could be noticeably lighter and WORSE, cuz of all the bad accidents from the bad luck everywhere. Fewer cars on the road (from fear of Friday the 13th) = a higher chance of accidents. [This is written sarcasm, excuse me.] Actually less accidents happen.

Uh where did Friday the 13th come from? Some callers say from the Kings of France executing the knights' templar on Friday the 13th. Also that there were 13 people at the Table of the Last Supper and on Friday, Jesus was crucified. Paraskavedekatriaphobia is the fear of Friday the 13th, just so you know...

Woody's getting hated on. Today's the day, babe. So what you gonna do?

News & Sports:

>Hkjn-afdbvxo. Ljnadrsf - y89hoq3n5gaebkj!! Yay!

>Tila Tequila bisexual Myspace "star" says she's responsible for the legislation of gay marriage... really? "I think my show has helped definitely the mov't." REALLY? Wat a dumb bimbo. Where does she eat her Pho, cuz I refuse to go there, now.

>Students cooked and ate a cat on Facebook and have been banned. It was already dead. This was as a protest to the way pigs and other animals are slaughtered and killed for meat. Disappointed that the point of their protest was not understood.

>Retails increased in retails sales by this May. Biggest increase since November of last year.

>Charges dismissed against French Spiderman - "Americans have a proud tradition of something something honehonehone (my Frenchman laugh)."

>Scared straight program? Death and being alive. What?

*Shake that bear dot com

>Bear hunters. A bear chewed off a hunter's arm and groin. Then the man and bear started to wrestle and he shot the bear in the stomach. It died. They look forward to bear season again!

>Celtics - what a rally. THEY BEAT (my) LAKERS.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

Will Woody know it?

Winner won: Nascar Tix

Is Ravey sexually harassed at work?

• deliberately use sexual language dispite their uncomforable response
• avoid work because of the sexually uncomfortable charged situations
• invades your personal space by brushing up on you or inappropriate contact
• sexual advances
• denied a raise relative to sexual favors (?)

Woody's Great Semen Experiment: In honor of Father's Day (sweet)

Woody was browsing Walgreen's and passed the condom isle and spotted a product - male fertility test you can take @ home. Of course, he purchased it and tried it out. Color code reveals generally how fertile the tester is.

Phil, owner of Active Nutrition (like a GNC in SF) tells Woody about Ejaculoid. Mmmmmm tasty. Personally, I take it with my prenatal vitamins instead of eating cereal. Increases amount up to 600 times, organic, and improves oragasm and possibly taste (!!). Cripes! Makin' it rain. Tasty coconut rain.

Jen returns sunglasses from Macy's and lipstick to Walgreens. To Woody's confusion. The term for the abuse of buying, using, and returning products is "Retail Renting." Nordstrom, Costco, Khols, and Trader Joes will take back ANYTHING anytime. It's a store policy for them... weird. But don't abuse it, someone's father got BANNED from Costco for taking it to THAT level.

Music and Entertainment:

>Beck rocks. Not sure why specifically TODAY.

>Dr. Drew - apologizes for calling Tom Cruze's link to Scientology and something negative about child whatevery. The appeal to cults.

>Um...

NJ Story: 36 year old man was driving around drunk until he became sober so his mother wouldn't find out he was drunk. She found out alright when he got into an ACCIDENT from driving drunk.

Guess the State (1 winner)

Wisconsin!!

Story: Busted twice for driving under the influence in the same night. 40 minutes later. What a dip-ish.

Winner won: NASCAR tix

Movies that Make Men Cry: (*cough* poos-eye *cough*)

(Brian's Song?)

Pearl Harbor makes a male caller cry - how does Ben Affleck continue to get work? Getting.

Backdraft

Forrest Gump

Gladiator

Cave Man (girl called it in)

I Am Legend

PS I Love You

My Dog Skip (?) Tony

Saving Private Ryan

King of California (Indie movie?)

The Sporting News Top 20 Movies that Make Men Cry

Schindler's List

Frequency

Dead Poet's

Forrest Gump

The natural

Shawshank

Big Fish

Sea Biscuit

Lord of the Rings return of king

Passion of the Christ

E.T.

Green Mile

Saving Private Ryan

Pride of the Yankees 1942

Rudy

Braveheart

Brian's Song

Old Yeller

Feild of Dreams

Jan Wahl - the Hat Lady Movie Reviews:

>John Cusack in War Inc. He's hot. And Hilary Duff is in it??

>The Hulk - someone informs us that there is no neat scene at the END of the credits.

>Woody and Tony got the Pirates XXX porn for Jan to review. YAY!!

Weekly Woody Show Friday Song:
17.2% Greg's Song - Prince "Controversy"
22.7% Menace's Song - Tupac's "California Love"
21.6% Ravey's Song - Flobots "..."
11.5% Tony's Song - 311 "Do You Right"
Woody's Song - LL Cool Jay "Going back to Cali"

Have a great Bay Area weekend!