Children of the Slorn

Feelin' barfy. The majority of the crew here want to puke, it's so early. Long weekend. Bleh. On another note, Phone-screening Webcam is up and running. So, rejoice.

Today's Intern: (WebCam) Sam

Half-hearted weekend recap. For those of us unnaware of the "Windy City's" real name sake, it's because back in the day, the folks out there were "windy" in the sense that they talked a lot, had a lot to say about anything. Not because it was literally meterologically breezy. Who knew? Not I.

Senior Prom '08 - WebCam Sam describes his Prom this weekend. He and his lady companion did not eat dinner before the big HS social event. Everyone met up at one house, took a limo to SF City Hall. After-Prom Party... Sam apparently did not get laid. Make that, "supposedly." He didn't want to reveal private matters of his life on-air. Who can blame him? We are convinced he's LYING, however, about the actual events of his prom night and the occurences of SEX. But, we weren't there, so we don't know. Mystery to be unsolved. Forever.

Woody was kind enough to bring up how I am "backed up." I haven't pooped since Friday. Yeah, it's Monday. Anyway that digression ended on the ketchup bottle and knife imagery. Thanks. By 7am I did the highly anticipated drop. Hooray & sorry, Ravey. I make stinky! Too shy to spray um Glade. No matches, thus I was unprepared. I just assumed I'd keep it in for life.

Friday meeting with Dave: Flobots discussion. Woody thinks it's an annoying song. It's a catchy song. Either you like it or you don't. Flowbots are playing BFD. Tony, Greg, and Menace are not fans. Ravey and I don't mind it. 'Handlebars.'
Pointless Listener Poll: "Should we play the Flobots on the morning show?" Yes-No-Ban?
55% of listeners Ban it!
Mixed review. Chicks who hate them. Dudes who love them. Mostly men who dislike, chicks who tend to dig them. One girl called in to mention how it sounds like Cake, with bad lyrics. Also noted how they sound like Crank Yankers and early Eminem. Woot. Flobots, no more!

News & Sports:
> Bomb plot - more kids with hate and big scary chemicals from the internet. Yikes.
> Homeless People - Hippie in a tree-house lost his house. He received an RV to live in for a penny because neighbors saved up and purchased one for him.
> Oldest lady in Shelbyville, Alabama 115th birthday!! She's been a widow since 1938. She was 33 when TV was invented and has outlived two of her kids. She credits living this long to 'not being a worrier.' Try to live stress free, so stop freaking out!

> Sharks: Game 6 - 2/11 Calgary Flames. The Sharks put in no visible effort. Booooo. I <3> Giants: Uhm, won 8 to 2.
> NBA playoffs: basketball
> Danika Patrick: first female winner in auto racing!! Yeah, you go, girl.

Music & Entertainment:
> Forbidden Kingdom = #1 followed by Forgetting Sarah Marshall
> Green Day's releasing a new album, Stop Drop and Roll, soon under Foxboro Hot Tubs.
> Slash says Velvet Revolver is planning on having singers audition online via the internet/their website.
> Something about Fuel and a vocalist. Sorry, love you!

Dumb Ass Contest (1 winner)
Vanessa Fun Facts! True or False?
If you missed it, it's on Justin.tv/thewoodyshow so check out the details and (re)watch the info from this morning!
The winner received two tickets to the SF International Beer Fest. Das Boot FTW!

HATE HATE HATE! Hate the Children:
This all started with a woman who freaked out about Menace's comment about Hannah Montana, when he called her a "dumb bitch." This context is taken from a reaction to the amount of revenue this 15 year old generates and how she pretty much sucks to us "grown ups" if we even qualify. Do we qualify? Menace is a woman hater. YAY!

Andy Milanaukus - Is not a kid, first of all, but behaves and appears as one often confusing people. He's like 28 or 31 years old... Look it up, it's hilarious.

Haley Joel Osmont
Dakota Fanning
Chick from Juno, Ellen Page (she's not a kid, just played one?)
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine's Olive

By the way ~ we hate on how parents refer to themselves as "Mommy" or "Daddy" in the third person. AND how grown ups call other parents "Mom" and "Dad" even though those parents are not (insert dooshy grown up here)'s parents. BARF.

Callers: Ghetto "red-nexican" kids and their ghetto "I'll whoop your butt" parents. Crackhead input?
*Parents that are over protective to the point of rearing their children so when they finally DO enter the real world, life backfires for them. Depressing, but expected.
*Kids who call you on your lies and ruin everything. Mom tells suitor, "I can't because I'm busy that day," and the kids pipes up, "No you're not." UGH!! Shut up you little squirt.
*Little FAT kids. (Awww, I love fat kids, as long as they're not mine!) But they're always stuffing their face, often times it's 'cuz it's the most convenient way for parents to console their chubby brats. *Truffle Shuffle*
*Preschool teacher: 5 year-olds throwing tantrums like 2 year-olds. Talking back and bossy. Ugh.
*Someone who works security at Target: Kids who stand in carts and parents don't have them sit down. More PARENTAL HATE here. Bad parents = horrible children. WHY?! Stop breeding, you idiots.
*Can't stand kids in the booths behind you and keep staring at other tables, breathing or snotting down your neck while you try to enjoy your friends' company. AIRPLANES are even worse with little monkeys kicking your seat or wiggling next to you for the duration of the flight, 30 minutes or 5 hours. Either way, it's suicide.

Rana Rowena Whitehead was an English (?) teacher for sophomore or junior year at Brentwood High. Her student called in to claim that she's a "wretched bitch." Classic.

Guess the State (1 winner)
Ohio!!
A guy handcuffed his new wife inside a dog cage after getting married in Las Vegas. He let two dogs inside the cage. The couple often fought and yelled obsenities in the front yard. He was charged with domestic violence and drug charges. They also have a 20 month old son. Thank goodness they are spawning!
Winner won tickets for 2 to see a special screening of Iron Man.

Celebrity Birthdays: Andie MacDowell, the Cure's Robert Smith, Tony Danza's 57, Iggy Pop, Queen Elizabeth II.
Porno Birthday: Paizley Adams AKA Annie Bunz... unf!

E-pro (spell?) by BECK!!! & 'Girl' Atari song? Bah! Nope, Tony likes the "Hell Yes" by Beck. We all do.

Grade Today's Show: 76% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Big Unit still feels good in the desert."