Miss Piggy. Giggety-giggety?

Hola, mi amgos. Homework rules. Home shopping kinda doesn't. But my mommy's helping me. Also, I am SO looking forward to the following movies: Hellboy II and Batman, the Dark Knight. Not because Heath is in it, but because A) I LOVE BATMAN (so much!) and B) it just looks badass.

Today's Intern: Katia (for you dummies, that's Katie)

Violence Wins!

>Puppy death? Someone attacked a person for being violent towards a poor puppy. This topic spins out of control for a few minutes, however, I'm paying little attention and miss information somehow... Boo.

>Some chick stabbed a pregnant woman and cut out the fetus/baby to claim it as her own. WHAT? Who the hell does this?

Sluts Next...

>One of the two female B52's singers turned 60 this year. Kate Pierson. Nude photos online.

>Laura Logan - pregnant by a married Joseph Burkett. Laura was going thru a divorce from someone else. Turns out she basically banged her way to the top. She's South African American. Is that how woman have to do it? Rachel Ray allegedly banged her way to the top? *sigh*

Reno 911 & contest winner, Beau of San Mateo calls in to inform us of the episode he's in: Episode 67. He's spotted about 15 minutes in. The show is doing dialogue and he's in the background...

News & Sports:

>Federal Reserve: protecting home lenders from risky subprime borrowers who pay off loans early. This sounds complicated. I will probably understand it and get upset about this when I actually prepare to buy a home.

>NASA - preparing for the final 10 space shuttles. They are retiring the program in 2010.

>Smitty's in Canada. They apologized for kicking out a family because of their autistic daughter's reaction to their menu not offering her favorite meal.

>A flight MIA - NY never got off the ground. The crew was an hour late. Passengers boo'd them. Naturally it was American Airlines. The passengers threatened the crew and used "harsh language." Therefore the flight was so intimidated that they refused to take off. This is a little ridiculous. Who A) shows up an hour late to their flight job and B) doesn't fly a scheduled flight that passengers paid for? I come in and still answer phones. Hello.

>Fatally stabbed his roommate over a heated argument regarding Foot Odor. I have foot odor. Perpetually stinky feet. Gellin' like a fellon. Clever.

*Dry your feet thoroughly. Wear shoes from natural material. Use powder. Wear socks and there is a absorbant foot pad you can use. There's a Goldbond spray on deoderant. I'll but it!

*Daily flossing. 2 annual dental visits. Get your teeth whitened, it helps keep stink breath away!

*Deoderant and Antiperspirant! Menace uses women deoderant. While I use man deoderant. This show is so confused.

>Trading trading trading... Lots of baseball trades!

>Davis left Warriors for the Clippers. Signed a 5 year $82 million contract.

>Michael Vic has filed for bankruptcy protection. Amazing. This fool made millions and millions of dollars. Involved with dog fights/attacks. Whatever. AND STILL winds up filing for bankruptcy.

(XTREEEEEM) DumbAss Contest (2 winners)

Foot-in-mouth contest (can you say, "pigs feet?"). Tony, Greg, and Menace race to eat as many pigs' feet in 2 minutes. Callers pick a winner. Menace's gag reflex goes off. Ravey films it. These feet are stored in vinegar. I would consider pigs feet to be garbage. Smells like they're dying Easter Eggs in the studio. Looks like what they suck out during a liposuction. May the puking begin. I'm so not hungry any more. Greg ACTUALLY ATE ONE. Menace couldn't get it down.

Winners won: Top Spin 3 for the Xbox and PS3 - yay!

Excellent! Katie mans up and also joins in the piggy fest and scores $50 after choking down a pig's foot. *GAG*

Music & Entertainment:

>Metallica 3 seperate versions of their album.

>Madden 09 in stores Aug 12.

>Franz Ferdinand something.

>Guns and Roses something.

>Chris Martin asks that you get off his back about his kids' names.

Woody cleans out his desk with tidbit information that never got air time and serious attention from the show. Let's refer to this material as "the stack." And we'll refer to it as the Bottom of the Stack. We need to add some flare to this to make it a little more pizzazy...

Jot.com - a concept for people to be able to take notes when they are pen and paperless.

Walgreens is coming out with a nicotine enhanced hand gel. Nicogel!

Scientists in Singapore discover that spiders get kinky under UV lighting. Spidies like raves. Yay.

Today's Guest is Mr. Ralphie May

Check him out! He's at the San Jose Improv for several nights!
July 10 - Thurs 8pm
July 11 - Fri 8pm & 10pm
July 12 - Sat 7pm & 9pm & 11pm

July 13 - Sun 7pm

I missed the sex lead-in to this segment :( Has foot problem. He takes vicodin for it. Apparently he's a rockstar on that particular pain killer. His wife is near-nympho status. She wasn't too into getting freaky while she was pregnant, but apparently she's back to her normal kink status.

Stories for Chicks

>Medical Spa in Manhattan - dedicated to strengthening and grooming vaginas. "PHIT" has their clients basically clench their VJ muscles and do kegels around their doctor's finger. Really? I do this on my own, on my own time. I don't need to pay someone $300 a session to be told that I'm nice and "phit." Suck it.

>Pregnant woman from the Bronx - the doctor exposed her genitals to the entire WAITING ROOM. OMG I'd die. According to Woody Math - that's a lot of traumatic imagery and experiences.

>Women who marry uglier men have healthier marriages. I think we established this...

Dental Prank Call with Greg Gory. OMG. I love it. Dental talk = sexy talk. I need to get me to a dentist, myself. My denstist hates AND loves me.

Got Game with Steve Masters. Me love nerdies long time!

Kewl new games. There are more neat songs on one of the ones that you can play music on. RockBand? Guitar Hero? They ... aren't the same thing? Who has BOTH? I'm curious... You probably have a PS3, an XBOX 360, AND the Wii. Like Ravels.

Menace HATES RockBand and Guitar Hero. As do I; I don't like it in theory because it promotes air guitar nerdom. I like nerds, but air guitar is the DEVIL. Do NOT take me on a date and tell me your hobby includes simulating being a rockstar. You're not. Even if you can PLAY real guitar, don't sing me songs acapella. I'll stab you. Stoppit.

PSP is cool because it plays movies. YES! This gadget it HOT. And, girls (softies) I love LocoRoco [image above]. It's THE cutest game in the world. Check out Patepan.

"Skate" is hard. It's more realistic. The next version is going to be called "Skate It." Stevie will have more info after E3 in Los Angeles.

OMG IT SMELLS LIKE VINEGAR IN HERE CUZ TONY PUT THEIR TRASH IN HERE AND TOOK MY SCENTLESS GARBAGE OUT. Thanks, F'er.

I like eating contests. They look like fun. I'd never enter one, but I'd like to see one live. Go Kobayashi. He's a cutie pie. Everything is so CUTE today!

Grade Today's Show: 71.2% A [I grade today an A+ for the gag reflex action.]

Just the Headline: "Illegal wire tapping found illegal."