Only in the Bay Area ...

Longest shortest weekend. Ever. This is where I live now. Seacliff SF. I'm stoked. Hey, also, you can call for aerial photography. Number's on the photo. I paid very little for this shot. It was actually free...

Today's Intern: Blam Sam

Modesto X Fest... Menace went. The band Pepper was there. Mixed feelings about Pepper. Just a weak version of Sublime? Get them off the air. Stop this crap! etc etc. Boo, Hawaii.

Ravey's weekend in a nutshell:

• Coldplay - Ravey and Menace went. Apparently there was a hidden second stage where the band could run off the main stage and go to this hidden back stage to play. Interesting.
• Ravey kicked Tony's butt in Guitar Hero, she crushed the Aerosmith song she chose to play.
• Homeless Jose has returned to the city. He showed up after Coldplay! Much to her chagrin.
• Ravey also explains the whilst she was in the potty making doo, she tuned into Alice and caught Sarah giving the Woody Show a shout out and a thank you for our support and mentioning NoName's departure from the show.

Woody mentions that when the show talks highly of themselves, it's sarcasm. We are fully aware that this show is aweful. (I think it's hilarious, but I think I hear the sarcasm so I get it.) It's just funny that we have little to worry about in terms of the competition out there.

Email! Stop the Fighting!
>Re: News article - worst driver based on what kind of car you drive. Woody's stepdad drives a Subaru Outback. For some ridiculous reason, this has spun conversation out of control. How has this justified Kyle to stop listening to the show after 2 years? Just because Woody questions Outbacks as sports cars?

Mighty Joe - questioning Ravey's review of Batman. If it was too long ... compared to Harry Potter, it was comprable in time. Also, she's not a fan of the comic book genre. So, calm down. She didn't say it sucked, it was just bleak. Dark. Dark Knight was dark, people.



News & Sports:
>Another city banning baggy pants: Lynnwood, Illinois. Banning pants 3" or more and charging dudes $20. Apparently this looks keeps economic retailers away. Supposedly, baggy pants started in prison, as inmates are not allowed to have belts, lest they hang themselves. Then the look made it to the street, so it caught on. (I looked for a photo of baggy pants. My mom hates it, I think it's mildly sexy, just depends on the butt it's on, I guess. No sexy photos on Google.)
>BART will be sleek and futuristic. In about 5 years. New train cars have 3 sets of doors per car, instead of 2.
>Texas inmate pulls off a shawshank redemption! Slims down to fit inside a foot wide air conditioning duct.
>Rapper "Buying the Locksmith" went to prison for robbing a McDonalds. And his jingle could be used for McDonalds and bring in lots of money for this excon. Noice.
>A man should be an inmate.
>Washing Post / ABC poll - the majority support openly gay people to be allowed to serve in the US Military.
> Ohio - A man chased a 9 year old boy down the street because the boy refused to urinate in a cup. He wanted to drink the urine? He's spend some time in prison as a sexual predator. He has a long history of this fetish to collect young boys' urine. Was caught exposing himself while driving, masturbating in a public restroom with the door open, and putting up a sign that the urinals in a restroom were out of order in order to collect urine. Ridiculous.
>Running across the stage dressed as a penis. Spraying silly string out of his costume. He graduated Saratoga Springs HS last year.

>Giants nor A's won in the second half this season over the weekend.
>Durham suited up with the Giants and then left for good.
>Padraig Harrigton - UK Golf news. He's to the right. How very. Tiger wouldn't do this?
>Bill Parcells - Dolphin's VP of operations - kicked his Dancing with the Stars teammember, Jason Taylor, for not practicing pre-season with the rest of the team. He's with the RedSkins now.

This week on the Woody Show:
John C Riley and Will Farrell callin' in on Thursday.
We have a Dell PC desktop care of Mountain Dew to give away this week.
Tickets to Sarah Silverman all week. Nob Hill Masonic Auditorium 9/7.
Tickets to the Treasure Island Mustic Fest...

DumbAss Contest (winner)
Name the Phobia
Winner won (Careful not to get envelope served!): Tickets to Treasure Island Music Fest

Speaking of Phobias:

• Mottephobia/Lepidopterophobia - Nicole Kidman (I hate her!) has a fear of butterflies. So does Greg. I LOVE BUTTERFLIES. It's what Vanessa means.
• Coulrophobia - Johnny Depp suffers from a fear of clowns. He feels there is an evil lurking under the surface. I think we all do.
• Chiclaphobia - Oprah - fear of gum
• Pamela Anderson has a fear own reflection, it freaks her out. People with face transplants experience this...
• Botonophobia - Christina Ricci - fear of plants. Filthy household plants. Fear of swimming pools.

Who friggin' cares!?
Revival story - Austria father that locked his daughter in his basement and impregnanted 6 times has spent 2 months in prison so far. He's requested 30 minutes of fresh air a day, as he's getting a little stir crazy. He's only spent 1/144th of the time his daugher experienced trapped in the basement. MINUS THE RAPE. A-hole.

Music & Entertainment
>Dark Knight raked $155 Million over opening weekend. Broke 3 of 3 Spiderman records set last year.
>Mama Mia in 2nd place also had a solid weekend.
>China - banned all overseas performers that threaten sovereignty.
>Shannon Daugherty (the Megabitch) is scheduled to join 90210. Joe Tata.
>Weeds tonight!
>Final word: Katie Couric is staying w/ CBS news.
>Chinese panda artist is outraged with Kung Fu Panda.

Guess the Airline!
*did this happen already? I'm assuming that American Airlines is the answer for just about every one. Or Virgin Air is for the good stories? "What's ... going... on?"

Today's Guest - Joe Klocek auditioned for Last Comic Standing in SF.
Tonight at the SF Punchline! Check him out. Headlining the Onion Comedy Series at 8pm!

Originally from Illinois, Chicago area. Points out that everyone originally from SF will make it a point to remind you that they are originally from here. Oh, yes. "Third generation stick-up-the-butt." ^-^

*Cobbs Comedy Club was playing favorites with Alice? No more Cobbs Comics rule was put into effect...* This can be turned around when Valerie someone gets fired.

Joe's favorite homeless story - cable car turn around once saw a homeless guy PUNCH a pigeon out of the air.
Joe's mom wanted him to become a priest. She was a nun for 10 years. He realized he wasn't going to become a priest after seeing an adorable girl when they were in second grade... Fair enough.

What do you find that is SO BAY AREA? Only in the Bay Area:

• Joe likes to play "What's the smell on Muni?"
• Everyone smokes pot. you can get it anywhere.
• match/dating service ads for men seeking men on TV
• Walk outside and watch a bum take a dump.
• See people dancing in the bus - hyphy movement
• Tree sitting hippies
• the word "Hella"
• assless chap on the bus
• seagulls grabbing food right out of your hands
• dropping a crack pipe at a pizza parlor
• random underwear and shoes on the street
• vegitarian homeless turning your meat product food offering down
• critical mass
• Blue tooth or talking to self? Talking to self.
• Cops not caring about going 85 on 280
• Gay homeless people
• creative signs for change
• sign to get off bay bridge - are you gay . com bilboard

Joe points out that SF and the bay area is a progressive place without the progress. Love love.

Guess the State (1 winner)
Wisconsin!!
Story: 15 yrs in prison after drugging her 6 year old twin girls. Found 23 digital photos of her BF molesting the girls.
Winner won: Sarah Silverman Tix

Crap on Celebrities:
>Britany gives the kids to Kevin Fed. She will be allowed visitation rights 2 times a week. $15,000 has been bumped to $20,000.
>Verne Troyer - sued TMZ and websites involved in the leaking of the sex tape that got out.
>For those of you who like to drink beer in a can - (Tony) Vinny Paul of Pantera is being auctioned off. Must be hauled off the premises in Arlington, TX. HEAVY. METAL.
>Eddie Murphy is about to star in a movie where he rarely speaks. A FIRST! For Mr. Murphy.

Crappy Birthdays
~ the other Culkin - Josh Hartnett 30 - Damien Marley Jr. Gong 30 - Ali Landry 35 - Jon Lovitz - Robin Williams - Kat Stevens ~
Porno Birthday
Brandi Alexander: 84 films she is 40

Grade Today's Show: 52.6% B (the first B I've ever typed!)

Just the Headline: "Man suspected of killing a hooker with a hoe."

Woodyroni.

Who the heck sings the opening song? I don't even think the artist knows that they did this song. :(

Today's Intern: Sarah, in for Andrea

Elisabeth Hasselbeck ... got on the View from being on Survivor, not even a winner? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? She's a blonde moron.

Random cute little website. With funny drawings and even funnier little blurbs. High five! Reminds me of this silly place...

Something about Zach de la Rocha from RAGE. YUCK - 'Wild International.' I HATE it. Everyone else on the show likes it... Woody LOVES it. I'm starting to taste the Beefaroni I chowed for breakfast all over again.

News and Sports:

>FDA approving tomatoes once again. YES! Salsa it up.

>Starbucks to close 12 locations in the Bay Area.

>Someone slammed Bush, called the President a failure. Miss Nancy Pelosi.

>New measure: SF November ballot - to commemorate Bush they're voting on putting his name on the Sewage Plant.

>NJ - woman went to have surgery on a permeated disc. She woke up and got dressed and noticed a rose tattoo just north of her family jewel. She's suing her doctor for the extreme emotional damage from the disturbing tatoo. Doctor claims it was to make her feel better. Fantastic.

>San Francisco has been named the most walkable city. 89/100 from Walk City or something.

>Police now need to be paid to suit up for their position... A little much, I think for any job. It's your job. Get dressed!

>Snakes and Spiders. Whaaaa~ I love snakes.

>A's traded another pitcher yesterday. Joe Blanton to Philly.

>Rocky's and Giants.

>Warriors losing player to the Clippers?

>Tour de France. Doping and cycling. EPO?

>The legless amputee runner was not selected to participate in the Beijing Olympics, despite his Cheetah cheater legs. South Africa.

American Idol Clips: Menace loves these karaoke crackheads.

Menace gets kicked out of the Parking Lot. Live 105 doesn't have a credential. To conduct interviews of the auditioners. Awesome, he challenges the lady that asks him to leave. She offers him a press pass. And she gives him some pointers.

*Chick from San Jose, she sounds like she's 11. For season 8, they weren't as strong as what the show was looking for...

*Some guy thinks he intimidated his judge. Hmmmm... He had his guitar. He had a fun time. (Fast Version) He sang Lithium by Nirvana. The "I'll kill you" lyrics did it for the judges. Poor thing. Who does this sober?! Ha, Woody says if this guy wants to be Kurt Cobain he'd hand him a shotgun. He also claims to listen to the show and Live105. Thanks for lying, DUDE.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

Who said it?

Winner won: Monster Super AMA Cross

Music & Entertainment:

>Batman - is out tonight. F yeah. Take that stupid Spiderman. Ugh. Toby McGuire, you're the bain of my existence.

>Mama Mia. ABBA.

>Cold Play's band member wasn't allowed into his own party. His name wasn't on the guest list.

>Black & White etching of a grave as a cover album. Death is sometimes talked about too much and sometimes never addressed.

Matt the schizophrenic from Oakland calls in. All MORNING. His name isn't even Matt or Oakland, I assigned it to him. He's nice enough. Harmless over the phone. He was obviously intoxicated AND schizophrenic. Excellent combo. Hassling me for a job because he's about to win the Pulitzer prize, doesn't have a resume because he's worked as a service man at a gas station for 2 years. "How do I pitch ideas to the show?" I told him to email wtr@live105.com. But he said he refuses and wants a janitor position, that doesn't exist.

Back to the top 5 worst drivers drive these cars: Subaru. The Subaru fan forums bring up what Woody said on the show yesterday. Eight pages of people bitching and moaning about the Subaru lines and the Woody Show. Post is entitled: "Anyone listen to Live105 this morning? Bad mouthing Subi's."

Guess the State (1 winner)
Florida!!

Story: police arrested a couple. after she discovered him smoking cocaine in the bathroom, she beat his head with the toilet seat.

Winner won: Download Fest Tix

Jan Wahl, Hat and Movie Lady!

>Batman's the Dark Kight - the movie gets tiresome. It's too convoluted. You've seen it all before. It becomes a monster movie. Just gore. Surprisingly PG-13. Two and a half Hats. Dreary Joyless Depressing. I LOVE BATMAN. I'm a Batman nerd. I will like it. I might need to have a drink afterwards, but, I'll own it. I'm also curious about a real Batman Comic Book. I've never seen one!

>ABBA's Mama Mia - about a woman looking for her real father. Jan thinks that the cinematography was a little too complicated for the greatness of the story. Chicago and Hairspray got it right. Dream Girls and Mama Mia, not so much. Three hats!

Crap on Celebrities:

>UFC fighter, Rampage, keeps getting into trouble. Hmmmm. Chef Boyardee is killing me today.

>Someone who had gastric bypass surgery wrote a book about a guide to eating right, staying fit, and being a better you. WTF. YOU CHEATED; someone stapled your stomach closed.

Crappy Birthdays:

~ Kristin Bell - Puck - Vin Deisel - Joe Tori - John Glenn - Nelson Mandella - Anthony Edwards - Giselle Bunchen - Sandra O - Josh Hallaway - Chris Cornell - Carlos Santana - Donald Sutherland - Cory Feldman - Jimmy Johnson ~

Porno Birthday:

Jeanie Pepper - nubian porno princess... she is 50. Cripes.

The Woody Show Friday Song:

25% Ravey - Coldplay 'Yellow'

11.9% Menace - Big E 'New York New York'

Greg - Cheap Trick 'Want you to want me'

11.6% Tony - Snoop Dawg 'My Medicine'

25% Woody - Diddy 'Bad Boys for Life'

I move to SF this weekend. Party, party!

The banana is a fruit.

Katie madeth banana pudding with banana slices and crumbled cookie cumbs. Milk. Pizza. Red Bull. Morning. Stomach ache.

Today's Intern: Katie Doo

Menace went to Asia SF (tranny restaurant) last night for a dinner with a client. Texted Woody. That place is awesome. There was this one tranny that looked better than Whitney Houston last time I went like 5 years ago. Hawt.

"Eating out isn't fun anymore," Ravey. Are lower calorie menus in the works? People are freaking because the menus they are ordering food off of are announcing the dish's caloric value. Much to diners' surprise, even the salads are pretty out of control. People don't want to see this kind of information because they become uninterested in ingesting high calorie foods.

Andy Dick, lookin' like Sideshow Bob or, to Ravey, Satan. I like this guy. He makes me laugh, but... Others enjoy to disagree with me.

Oooo. The show touches on Sarah and Menace. Is this part going to be deleted??

Emails!
>You're right. This is not NPR.
>We get a listener's approval to keep raggin' on Menace. Thanks, Anita.
>Hate on T-man's voice and Love for Ravey's ADORABLE laugh. Yes. Thank you 408!

Pointless Listener Poll - Audience: do you consider yourself to be Liberal, Moderate, Conservative?
46% Moderate
30% Liberal
22% Conservative

News & Sports:
>CIA agent Valerie Plame.
>CSI - Red Lobster employee kills himself in the New Mexico desert in attempts to make it look like a murder.
>Dallas pizza worker was shocked to see her father rob the pizza parlor she was working at. A fellow employee knocked of his disguise and she yelled, "Stop, that's my father." He ran into a pickup truck where her mother and husband were waiting... What the hell. These people.
>Gay Marriage Conversation. I miss it cuz phones are off the hook.
>The Homeless in SF... hm. Mischief and trickery.
>Top 5 Cars Bad Drivers Own, according to AutoTrader readers. Porche. BMW. Subaru on the list!

>That guy found his shipping receipt for the HGH that he provided to key players in the steriod controversy.
>Bloods vs Cripps: Gang signals on the field are a serious offense in Football.
>Farvre still in football news.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Tony Danza Theatre - Anchorman quote
Winner won: AMA Monster Supercross Motorcross Criss Cross

Wow. 'Sucked out' by Superdrag. Who did suck out the feeling? I LOVE THE 90's. F yeah.

Ha! Segways into The Great Abortion Story:
Angela Simmons - middle class mother fussing over her 7 yo son, Ben. 39 year old former real estate agent has kept a secret. She's had an abortion. She was 21 years old. Was accidentally pregnant, used condoms and took birth control. It wasn't in the cards. After the operation. She felt better. Second abortion 4 years later with a dude named Simon. She discovered she was pregnant after he left the country. AGAIN - abortion time. As soon as it was over, she felt relief again. W/i the year she was pregnant again. Super fertile lady. Third abortion. this is fun. She and David broke up. She attempted to move on, started working at a gym. Numero Quatro. Patrick was thrilled to learn that she was pregnant. She aborted it anyway, and he stuck by her. Three years later, she became pregnant accidentally AGAIN. Her instinct was to have another abortion. She felt incredibly guilty. The baby was born premature. Pregnant again. Accidentally pregnant. "I couldn't believe it." She had a fifth abortion. She meets Paul and gets pregnant again. And low and behold. She has a sixth abortion. A year later she became pregnant again. She aborted for a seventh time. A large percentage of women in the UK have abortions on average about 7 times. Okay there are people out there with 12 and 15 abortions under their belt. But... still. More than 5 is a little ... outrageous?

Movie: Citizen Ruth - Ruth is the town slut and drug addict.

Music & Entertainment:
>Emmy's best comedy series nominees: 3rd rock, curb your enthusiasm, entourage, weeds, and something else.
>Wild International - Rage music... Keyboar replaced Guitar.
>Nintendo - new gaming experience. Wii Music.
>Amy Poehler is up for the lead of the ABC Office Spinoff. Written by Greg Daniels. The blonde chick from SNL in Tenacious D's Pick of Destiny. I could pinch her cheeks.
>Poison picks on Def Leopard. Former metal bands spitting fire. Burn!

Robin Williams plays a dad that finds his son dead after an autoerotic masturbation accident. So he writes a suicide note in an effort to give his child dignity in death.

UK Maxim magazine. July issue - how an Indian dude can land a "gory" a light skinned woman.
*A good ice breaker is to tell a suicide bomber joke.
*Don't ask an Italian woman if her family is in the mafia.
*Most american woman are angry at Indian people for stealing all their jobs.

One in three teen girls ________. Will have already been pregnant.
Teen pregnancies have gone up for the first time since 1991.

Sexy Time Fun Facts!
Penis enlargement pants on E-Bay! Okay. Greg wants.
9 women are being charged with prostitution for an oral sex competition. Tony points out that it sounds like a lot of bad teeth and wild pubic hair.

Walk of Shame Stories:

• Halloween in Santa Barbara - lost her costume. Didn't have a place to stay. Left the party in next to nothing.
• Mom's weekend in college. His roommate brings a chick home that night and instead doing the deed inside, they go at it in the back yard. The chick ends up sneaking thru the backyard where the mom's are preparing breakfast and preparing to eat with their college boys. Oops.
• 2 girls at his Halloween party end up in the bathroom. Puked on themselves and bleeding. Next morning he hands them some T-shirts and sends them on their way.
• At 19 he hooked up w/ his English teacher from HS. He had to drop her off at his old HS the next morning cuz she left her car at the bar.
• Rachel - OMG. She went to Rome. The end.
• Musician walks home at 7 in the morning w/ a 120 lb amp thru North Beach.
• Wedding - best man hooked up w/ brides maid. She walked of shamed down to her bedroom and her parents were right next door. When the elevator door opened on her floor, her dad was waiting outside.
• Someone brought a girl over to this his place. She passed out on the sofa and the guy stole her clothes at 6 in the morning.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Andy Dick made the news. Drugs and sex stuff. I missed it but linked the story in like paragraph 2 of today's blog.
>Sarah Jessica Parker is having her mole removed.

Crappy Birthdays:
~ Will Farrell - David Hassle - Art Linkletter - Carrie (Pink's ex) - Alex Winter - Mark Burnett ~

Grade Today's Show: 70.6% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Deaf woman's shouting match ends in arrest."

You are just a person.

Things couldn't get any worse. When it rains, it pours. Welcome to the Island of Conclusions. PS, weirdos, I thought yesterday's blog stunk!

Wednesday 5:57 Crazybitch ~ Buckcherry

Today's Intern: Sarah rules, boys drool

Beetle... had an inadvertant sleepover to Menace's surprise. But, she is alive, she just called his phone. Hooray! We love you, Jackie.

I get made fun of for having a small studio with a teeny weeny fridge. And then for being fat-thin. Not fishing for compliments, I just... these are small jeans.

Boo on American Idol. They're taking out more of the audition shows, due to the ratings they decided that the audience is more interested in the actual competition, not the initial screening. THAT'S THE BEST PART!! I like seeing failures try to sing, who doesn't? Menace will be heading down to harrass some of the people in line for the auditions... tomorrow.

Emails!

>iPhone stuff. Turn off your GPS. Thanks Lloyd. Saves your battery, too!

>Francisco asks, would you date a man or woman w/o a cell phone? I'm single and I don't have a cell phone and people often ask why I don't have a cell phone. I don't think it's that big a deal. Woody brings up the point that he would NOT date someone w/o a celly because it's impossible to get ahold of them, emergency or otherwise. And it leaves room for shenanigans.

>Who do you wish horrible things upon?

*My 400 lb coworker who adjusts her downstairs lips after standing up.

*We hated my sister's piano teacher and she voodoo dolled him. He died a year later. Delayed voodoo. Woohoo.

>Denise is a mad mother. Yesterday morning I borrowed my daughter's car and was appalled at the response to the story of the man hitting his wife after she started a fight. Actually, I don't care WHO started it, the response should have been, "you never hit a woman!" Mmmhm.

News & Sports:

>Economy talk. Debt, bad loans, the banks. Booooo. Woody's empty flight to Jersey. Dumping money into claw machines and (me for breakfast) vending machines. Kathy Griffin's show had $12 beers and a seven mile line for said beer. The three hour line outside of Apple for the iPhone.

*People are pawning off their ... grille. Zomg. Kendra of the Girls Next Door has one. She should be shot. (I love you Holly) It's just a bunch of sparkly garbage on your teeth.*

>Someone bit off the eyebrow of his brother-in-law. Who does that?

>CA Board of Parole - Susan Atkins, the Manson follower, has denied her of her request to be out of prison. She's been in prison for 37 years. Her husband (wow) said one of her legs has been amputated, paralyzed on one side of her body. But, she's useless out or in prison. No compassion for someone who had no compassion for a person they murdered.

>Hidden camera released of a 16 year old in Guantanamo Bay son of an Alkaida financier. He threw a granade at a soldier.

>UK - 32 year old woman hid the body of her still born baby from her BF and friends in her trunk. She didn't want her BF to know about her affair so she explained the weight gain was a result of an allergic reaction to wheat. WHEAT?!

>American League claimed the victory?

>Packer's new QB...

Got Game w/ Steve Masters

Master's is at the E3 Convention down in LA. Sounds like HELLA fun. Not being sarcastic.

*Steven Tyler - Guitar Hero Aerosmith

*Topspin 3 - Mega awesome Tennis! I'd think best for Wii...

Questions:

Is Xbox coming out with a new version of the console around Xmas? Rumor of a BlueRay feature on a new Xbox product coming out soon. Speculation between Ravey and Masters is that Windows and Sony aren't ready to "get into bed together." Hawt.

Music & Entertainment:

>A member of LIT is really really ill. :( Their dummer, Allen Shellenberger, was recently diagnosed with a grade four (4) malignant brain tumor. They're going to be having several benefit concerts in efforts to raise money to offset medical fees.

>Linkin Park kick of Boston's Project Rev Tour tonight? Anyone going? I'll be there.

>Hancock - kicking ass overseas. 180 million overseas. Kung Fu Panda and Mama Mia are doing it, too.

>The final episode won't air until 2011. What show? Nip/Tuck.

>Buffy pals: Josh Weeden straight to Web "Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog." Oh, goody. Lol. I loves Ravey. Guys, it's a MUSICAL so, rejoice.

>Tom Morello of Rage rips on Republicans and supports Barack...

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)
Good or Gross? Beanboozled by Jelly Belly jelly beans

Coconut (Ravey) vs Babywipe (Tony)

Berry Blue or Toothpaste (both!)

Juicey Pear (both!) or Booger

Butter Popcorn (Tony) or Rotten Egg (Ravey)

Licorice (Tony) of Skunk Spray (Ravey)

Pencil shavings (Tony) or Carmel Corn (Ravey)
Winner won: AMA Monster Supercross - in January

Gay TV Report Card?

GLAD - 4,911 hours of Prime Time TV to grade the gayness of shows. ABC led the way with a "Good" at 24%. CW mostly because of America's Next Top Model also received "Good." CBS received an "Addequate." NBC And Fox received failing grades. Spike, for straight men, TV had a 10%. TBS has 7%. Logo, I guess, is for gay men. TNT had 1%. None of the channels received an "Excellent," which is GLAD's highest grade.

Stories out of Indiana:

>Custody split - Christy's a Christian and wants her daughters to go to church with her while her ex-husband is a Satanist and wants their girls to go to his church.

>9 year old girl woke up from a nap to her mother screaming. She poked her head inside the room and saw her mother being attacked by a man. So she called 911. Turns out it was just an afternoon grind sesh.

Today's Guest - Kevin Rose of Digg.com

More Techno Babble. What's a hacked phone? Blackberries need a new browser? You're gonna have to get a new phone.

Digg.com - Crazy stories
10 most bizaar Ebay auctions...

Someone is aging belly button lint. Yuck!

Toenail collections

John McCain Pancake $12.50

AskMen's Top 10 Dogs

Bull dogs. Husky. Germ Shep. Rotweiler. Doberman. Pincher. #1 Rhodesian Ridgeback.

25 signs you've actually grown up.
Depression hits the majority of the show...

140 lb tumor removed from a woman's stomach. She thought she was just gaining weight. Her doctor said the tumor was growing there for 10 years.

Highest Dugg stories: April Fool's Prank. Heath Ledger. George Carlin.

Woah - since they were 14 a brother and sister have been sleeping together. She was insanely jealous to watch him get married to someone other than herself. This story was Dugg. Or is it "Digged?" It's DUGG! 'I had sex with my brother but I don't feel guilty.' Yuck? I don't have siblings.

Grade Today's Show: 63.3% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Mormons clear up missionary position."

Crackhead of the morning to ya!

Nice and early this morning. I'm a little off. I blame the move and being kinda tired.

Today's Intern: Sarah

Starbucks kicks my morning off, much like Menace got kicked off the bus and got ditched in Chinatown this morning.

NOT FAIR - Ravey and Menace got to see Batman the Dark Knight. I love love love Batman. They say it's dark, much darker and longer than expected. Ravey jumped off the Dark Knight train about 3/4 of the way in. Menace grades 100 dildos while Ravey gives it 5. Neutral and confusing. Mysterious. As always.

Tony tony tony! Is moving off the Treasure Island to San Mateo. Apparently when the station had WTR out here before they took the job, Tony looked at three places in the seven days they were here... Woody and Ravey looked at 50 places each.

Emails!

>Olivia - the SF/Berkeley heads are apathetic. They give the least when it comes to charity, they are all about free speech and open mindedness only when it means they have the spotlight and when they take the floor. Midwest donates the most, bee-tee-dubs.

>Ryan of San Jose. San Jose Pride!

News & Sports:

>Treehugger/treesitter news - people are coming down from the trees for personal reasons. However, when he got back on the ground he was arrested for many things, one of which was possession of majiuana. Pothead!

>President Bush - Oil.

>Extortion: woman tried to get $5000 by putting a rat in her meal at a restaurant.

>Oreo Cookie and Jesse Jackson controversy. McLaughlin - black on the outside, white on the inside... Yikes. Hella flack comin' your way. McLaughlin called Barack an "Oreo."

>A man's head had been severed from his body. Police determined that the man cut his head off with the chainsaw found next to his decapitated body because he was upset about being evicted. Now THAT'S a man's man.

>The Bus - one man killed and one was critically injured when their heads were struck by the overpass they were passing underneath. They decided to stand up on the upper deck and then were hit in the head. Nice. Brilliant!

>Homerun Derby news!

DumbAss Contest (2 winners)

Is it dead to real or completely retarded?

Winners won: Monster AMA Supercross

Relationships Gone Bad

*Man dies in murphy bed. Yikes.

*Woman caught fire after the engagement was called off. She doused herself with gasoline and lit herself on fire, found in the fetal position in her trailer whilst engulfed in flames.

*Niagra Falls police were informed that a woman walked into a knife on the counter. Hmmm...

*Bristol Town NJ - 19 year old girl set fire to her bf's house because she found out he took a different girl to his prom. What?

*Watch SNAPPED on Oxygen.

*Man in Canada asked his GF to carve a heart shaped symbol into his chest during rough, drunk sex. He almost died when she pressed too hard and punctured his actual heart.

*Man gets beat up by his wife for passing out beads for seeing bare breasts.

*Jealous husband put up his wife for sale on E-Bay as revenge. Guess she was a hit on E-Bay. Ha.

I'm incredibly gross today. Mind in the gutter of gutters. Oh bummer. iPhone talk makes me sad and resentful.

Music & Entertainment:
>NAS has retitled his album "N-word" to "Nas" - great!

>Picture Atlanic - Cold Play openers! YES! Good for you guys.

>Metallica (Tony's sporting their shirt) - releasing their album on the same day as Rock Banders (or is it Guitar Heros) can DL their album to the game... meh.

>Jack Black (Very Funny) School of Rock II - America Rocks.

>Christopher Ciccone - life w/ my sister Madonna. He doubts Madonna has an affair with A-rod.

Pointless Listener Poll - who do you wish horrible things upon and why?

*A man in church falls and bumps his head and wants to sue the church for the two surgeries, lost income, other stuff.

*Ravey wished that the homeless squatter would go away. He did, for about a year now. Hm. Prayer - is there something to gain from it?

*Dumpser Muffin to fall out of the tree.

*Rich brats to go bankrupt and live in 3rd world countries.

*People in the Marina.

*Prius drivers in the fast lane (funny that).

*Ex wives

We get scolded for stirring up "bad juju." This negative energy will end in no good! Make it stop.

Guess the State (1 winner)

Ohio!!

Story: Last week a guy was arrested for packing 3 tbone steaks down his shorts. different guy stuffed 8 tbone steaks down his pants from the same grocery store. store security stopped him.

Crap on Celebrities:

>13 year olds - taking flying classes. To become pilots... uh.

>Jess Alba - is almost back to her prepregnancy weight. OMG I want to be able to do that.

>Megan Fox - nude throughout the entire movie. No one dares to do it anymore. But she'd be willing to. In an arty way... lol.

>Kate Beckinsale denying a body double for White-out.

Crappy Birthdays:

Brigite Nelson - Forrest Whitaker - Jesse Ventura

Porno Birthdays:

Aja 258 films - she is 45!

Grade Today's Show: 47.5% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Illegal aliens cut in half by law."

Mundae, bloody, mundae.

"Someone's gonna have a tummy ache!" Homer J. Simpson

Today's Intern: My Name is Sam

Ravey and Menace felt it was a long weekend. Woody thought it was a fast weekend.

Ravey and Greg describe their Kathy Griffin, Menace's Stepmom experience. Apparently his stepmom and real mom have braces. Fascinating.

Katie joined some of the team and went to see Ralphie May. Fun stuff.

Ravey hit the cemetery up for some peaceful, creepy time alone. *Furrowed brows*

Woody went to Universal Studios in SoCal. Raves about the replacement ride to the Back to the Future Ride, which is the Simpsons Ride. Yes! "Best ride ever." They challenge his statement. He sticks to his guns. I still think space mountain is the best ride ever. And the zipper.

Australia has a "cage of death" ride at an amusement park. Choppa the salt water croc. The description is like you are the peanut butter in a croc kong toy. No thanks.

"Chatty" Kathy of Lafyette/Orinda calls in to harass me and then not cooperate with me in order to get on air. Hates on Ralphie May and his rant on trees. OMG 10 minutes of annoying yapping and our attempts to quiet her. Fail. How does California = you are automatically an environmentalist? Also, she hates DOGS. She totally sucks for being evil.

News & Sports:

>Missed the first couple stories. Phones.

>Gym rage - lawsuit in NY a screaming spin class student. Complaints of him grunting and shouting, "You go girl!" throughout class. Sweaty equipment... Yuck. I hate gyms. Cuz as a female, I think you look like a hamster running on a wheel. Men, different story. I DO like the spin class, though. But not with shouty, sweaty noisies. Yoga and pilates. And swimming in an ocean or lake.

>InBev, Belgium, acquiring Budweiser, Anheuser Bush (St. Louis MO) for $52 Billion. St. Louis has 24 hr bars and has the International Dog Museum. St. Louis also has a Tour de Donuts.

>Dog meat has been taken off the designated Olympic menus while the games are in effect.

>Someone sold the naming rights of his unborn son for $100 gas card. "Dixonandwillaby Parton"

>Who is Evan Longoria? Ravey does not know most of the people in tonight's Homerun Derby.

>A's half of the season 51&54

>Ryan Dempster

>Brett Farvre changed his mind. He doesn't want to retire yet. So.... uh.... Hm.

DumbAss Contest (1 winner)

The Slogan Finder

Winner won: Monster Energy Supercross

It is 2 degrees in the studio. Shiver me timbers! There is something very wrong with Greg's body heat. Get thee to a DOCTOR!

REMINDER: YOU CANNOT WIN TWICE WITHIN 60 DAYS OF WINNING SOMETHING FROM LIVE105. I DO KEEP TRACK OF THIS CRAP, PEOPLE. SO DON'T TRY IT. AND, DONT BE AN UNGRATEFUL LITTLE *ISH WHEN YOU DO WIN SOMETHING. PLEASE. Thanks!

Idiots in the News!

*Central Collections Office in Dallas, last week. White employee noticed that paperwork was missing and described the enigma as a black hole. A black employee retorted, "EXCUSE me?" Claimed the racist card. And a black judge orders the white employee to apologize for his racial insensitivity. Uh, excuse ME. Black holes are scientific objects in space that pull in matter by a gravitational pull. A white hole does exist, it's essentially the oposite concept of a black hole.

*43 yo woman pulled her gun from a holster to shoot mice on a trail. The bullet blew thru her knee cap, bounced of her partner's keys, and landed in a coin purse where it was retrieved for evidence.

*Mom in hospital recovering from appendectamy. Her son opted to walk her dogs for her. Upon doing so, he came upon footage of her engaging in beastiality with her doggies. They recovered 193 dvd, 67 vhs, and a pile of data recording her getting DIRTY WITH HER DOGS. Oh, dear.

*Someone attempted to eat all of the McDonald meals off the menu. Ate 10 of the 12 and proceded to barf in the parking lot. Could not finish meals 11 or 12. Boooo.

*OMG The French F up. They did a hostage rescue demonstration and instead of using blanks, they loaded their guns with live ammunition. They injur 15 observers. Sacrebleu!

Music & Entertainment:

>Missed this. I'm falling apart today. I'm so sorry!

Pointless listener poll - what's the one thing physically would you change about your significant other?

• Femal about her Male... she'd like his rectum orifice to be larger ... wtf (weird and creepy)
• get skinny
• gain weight
• eyebrows
• smaller vagine
• inverted nipples
• hairy back
• smaller boobies

Guess the State
Florida!!
Story: A woman couldn't find her children after a 4 day crack binge. 1 yo boy and 5 yo girl. Smoking crack cocaine. People told her she threw them out of a moving vehicle and suffocated them. She was irrationally calm when reporting her missing children, not knowing whether they were alive or dead. She's supposed to take medicine, but chooses not to...
Winner won: electric helicopter

Wisconsin people are messed up. Three young men attempt to dig up a dead former nursing student from her grave because they had seen her photo in the obituaries, Laura Tennesson (left). They take a bunch of condums, shovel and reach her cemented tomb, but are stopped when a car drives onto the cemetary grounds. Ravey was chillin there readin' a book!

But is she Hot? They're Guilty if they're ugly. You can't rape the willing. >A special ed teacher (34) in Alabama has had several counts of statatory rape with 15-19 year old boys, mostly on the baseball team. Her name is Julie Pritchett. Guilty.
>45 year old, Lynne Long, told her teenage son that he could have a sleep over. She and Angela Honeycutt join in on the boy slumber party and Angela jumps on the boys and shakes her boobies in front of them. They also finish this parade with hand services. Nice. Guilty.
>Teacher has a sexual relation with her female student. Crissy Torcella Hisey. Ravey declares Not Guilty. She looks like a Jollybee worker. The rest call guilty. Oh, and Greg is a fan so Not that Guilty. Hawt.

Crap on Celebrities:
>Anthony Keidis of the Chili Peppers and his 22 year old GF, Chrissy, broke up. He was 42 and she was 19. They were together for 3 years.
>Brangelina had a son & daughter on Saturday in France. All is well! C-section.
>Honor Marie Warren, Alba's baby girl, photos have sold have $1.5 million. Does that = "sell out?"
>Matthew McConaughey sold his baby's photos for $3 million.
>Candice Houlihan (like Patches O'Houlihan from Dodgeball?) her love affair with A-rod. Says she felt bad. But not that bad. Lol. Cynthia Rodgriguez is spending money like a crazy woman.
>Disney Stock - Mylie Cyrus's phone got hacked and her photos were sent to someone I've never heard of. Jonas Brothers? Bleh. Why am I typing her name!? Argh.
>Celina Gomez - plans to remain a virgin until marriage.
>Dane cook's landlord can sue him for letting his puppy poop on the premises.
>Brad Taylor (of Home Improvement) is suing a Choice Hotel for being tazored. The hotel would not allow him back in after midnight.

Crappy Birthdays
Matt Fox - Kyle Gas - Fred Savage - Jess Simpson - Adrian Grenier - Richie Sanbore - Li'l Kim - Justin Chambers - Mike Rosenbaum - Mike White - Courtney Love - Kevin Nash - Tom Hanks - OJ Simpson is 61
Porno Birthday
Naomi Marsala - Indian Asian porno princess. Hot.

Grade Today's Show: 58.6% A

Today's Just the Headline: "Man gets 6 months for sex with table."

Frito Friday

Help: Oakland or SF? Oakland = commute. SF = change of waiting jobs... :( I'm stressed!

Today's Intern: Andy Drea Cakes (Andrea)

Menace was at a Revision 3 dot com Partay. Drank lots of wine. This weekend Greg and Ravey and Menace's mom, Jane, are off to see Kathy Griffin. Yay! Redhead comedy galore.

Naked man stealing beer at 7eleven in Las Vegas. Jumps onto the back of a bus, punches out the back window, crawls through the back, throws a driver off a bus, drives off 200 yards, and throws himself off the bus while in motion.

Emails from the People!

*Woody show sucks. They are so not from the Bay Area.

WTR hates SF and Berkeley...

*Are you gonna hi-lite Tony's clips for the first half of the year?

*Justin.tv - hooray. Thanks Grant.

News and Sports:

>iPhone lovers! Rolls out today!! Yay. I'm thinking really hard about this one. LOVE! GPS tracking...

>Wildfire in CA so bad so quickly. The National Guard has been called in. Woody challenges what the NG will actually do for the fires... shoot it out? Bwahaha!

>"So Bay Area:" officials in Atlanta, Georgia are getting rid of signs such as "Men at Work." A woman had put out signs that said "Women at Work" but people made a stink about that, and she was told to take it up with someone who cares. Apparently she found that someone.

>Clippers or Lakers?
>When I hear sports info, all I see in my mind's eye is this handsome man, Mark Consuelos. Because up until today, I thought he was a baseball player, not a Soap Actor.

Ralphie May is back in the studio. Excellent!

Woody's going to LA this weekend. And Jen and Wood are facing a sexy dilema... Jen's nani is out of commission and Ralph scolds Woody for outting male intentions and motives.

9-1-1 Calls: ridiculous threats, etc.

*Landlord calls 911 to promise that someone is going to get killed. Someone kicked his door in. The operator asked him questions to delay his murder attempt. He ended up hanging up and killing the dude that kicked his door in. Pointless call.

*One call was prolonged until the police arrive and put a stop the whole charade.

*The guy who shoots his neighbors' robbers in Texas.

*Very angry mom - needs and OFFICER before I commit a 187. Her 15 year old son has taken her car and skipped his community service. Has a hammer in her hand!! He's about to bash his brains out. Ouch.

*My fwen Mark reminds me of the Cop on Pot Brownies Call.

Who knew - Chinese food version?

Missed this... oopsies!

Someone did however call in to advise me of the Hep C epidemic in SF and how people need to be aware for this situation in the city. It's super Hep C.

Music & Entertainment:

>Derby Girls? Camel toe alert!

>Hancock - Meh

>Hellboy II Golden Army - lookin' good! (Jackie+Menace don't like dat)

>Eddie Murphy. Not funny. Anymore.

>Fran Dresser & Giovanni Ribisi are starring in a movie?? Eh.

>Strokes guitarist = "we HAVE to put out another record before people think we don't exist."

Tree Hugger story SPIRALS out of control. Many callers inform me that the University planted those trees in a grove 100 years ago. Jan and Ralphie get into it over the tree thing. Cuz the phones were out of control, I naturally miss the gory details. Juicy details. Whatever.